Tag: family

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a festival of books

I have a confession to make.  I have never been to a book festival or convention or other celebration of books.  Not as a reader, certainly not as a writer.  Some of the reasons for this are fundamental issues of who I am, namely the agoraphobic part of who I am.  Large crowds, even mediocre crowds in small spaces make me sweat, palpitate, hyperventilate and ultimately need to leave quickly unless I do an awful lot of prep work first.

So, when I show up on Sunday, June 4th at Civic Center Park in Berkeley, California, I will be attending my first event.

babf_logo The Bay Area Book Festival is in it’s third year, and while I’d love to be able to attend some of the talks and such on Saturday, I have other obligations.  But come Sunday morning, I will load up my cart with books and a table cloth (reminder to self, get a tablecloth), my tablet and credit cart doohicky plus a bunch of water and snacks for the day, and I will BART myself into Berkeley and find my assigned place in the park for the day.

Of course, I hope to sell enough books to break even on the day, but beyond that, my hope is that I can keep my agoraphobic anxiety down and that I get to meet new folks, talk about my books and other books.  I’d love to meet readers who are passionate about what they read and love.  I’d also love to meet fellow authors who are passionate about what they write and love.

If it isn’t too much to hope for, I’m going to hope that some of my friends and family come out to see me too.  It isn’t every day an author gets to do their first event like this…and if I’m being truthful, maybe having someone watch my table for a bit while I look around would be awesome too.

So, if you’re somewhere in the San Francisco Bay area and fancy some book loving come Sunday, June 4th, you should hope on BART and take yourself to the Berkeley Civic Center station.  The park is just a short walk away.

I won’t be too hard to find.  I’ll be the author with green hair, probably wearing a fedora or other hat, and possibly a Star Wars shirt, depending on my mood.  Come Say HI!

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the choices we make

I am childless by choice.  When I was younger I thought I wanted a big family, with lots of kids.  Then I thought I only wanted one.  I even took a few steps toward making it happen.  But in the end, I eventually realized that I did not need a child born from my body to fulfill some societal construction of being a woman.

Which isn’t to say that I haven’t been a mother.  In the years when my two nieces were young, I lived with my brother and his wife and I helped parent two amazing people.  I showered all of my mothering on them, and they turned out to be beautiful young adults.

I’m not knocking those who chose to give birth.  I think it’s a beautiful thing.  I stand in awe of mothers everyday.  I know my own mother is a super-hero in my eyes.  Always has been. My parents split when I was 11, and my mother had primary custody.

Divorce is always ugly for the kids, even when the parents do their best to shield them from the acrimony.  I was old enough to see it all, and while I thought I knew what was going on, I can see looking back that I didn’t understand it all.

But, life after the break up was tough.  My mother did her best though, and she loved us fiercely.  I learned a lot of life skills from her.  I learned compassion and sacrifice from her.

I didn’t need to give birth to understand motherhood.  I didn’t need an infant in my arms to know unconditional love.  I chose to give my mothering to those in need, from my nieces, to the homeless, from pets to families struggling with poverty around the globe.  These are my children, and I could never love them as I do without learning that love from my own mother.

So, happy Mother’s Day, to my mother, my sister-in-law, all of you who mother, whether your own child or others who need you.  The choices we make define us.  Choose love first.