Tag: family

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goodbye 2023

It wasn’t the worst year on record, but it wasn’t the best either. It was a year of ups and downs, turn arounds and backflips.

It was the first full year without my father in this world, my first Christmas without him. There was a lot of added responsibility with taking care of my stepmother and getting her settled into a life without him.

My pupper filled a hole in me that I wasn’t even aware I had, and I love her so completely. She gets me out of the house daily, and I’ve met some cool folks because of her.

I almost lost my 16 year old kitty, but she’s feeling so much better now and was even playing a little this morning. Now if I can just get her to eat the right food and take her meds.

I spent a lot of time with family this year, including a week-long vacation in NOLA with my Mom and brother. I didn’t do a whole lot of writing, but I’m happy with the writing I did do. Wrote a poem a day in November.

I probably drank too much, and I definitely ate stuff I probably shouldn’t have. Re-watched favorite shows and started a few new ones. Lost my facebook account, ditched X/Twitter, fell in love with Threads. Played around a little with AI art using my own photography as a base. Asked AI to tell me about myself and laughed at the results (what it got right was okay, what it got wrong was a lot and hilarious).

Looking forward to the new year. Hoping for a promotion on the day job. Want to finish at least one of the WIPs. Want to travel more.

First up in that regard is a solo trip to Disneyland in January. I’ve never done it alone, so it should be interesting. I plan to spend a lot of time hanging out in Batuu. I may take a notebook and do some writing there.

Also attending my first Supernatural convention in July. It’s the first time I’ve had the money to do what I need to do to handle my agoraphobia (front row seats) at the same time as they went on sale.

And on that note, my coffee is almost gone, the cat needs meds, and I should get this last Saturday of the year on it’s feet.

Photo by Behnam Norouzi on Unsplash

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my Morrigan kitty

A few days ago, I went upstairs to grab a pair of socks and found my 16 year old cat lying in a puddle of diarrhea and nearly unresponsive. I raced her to an emergency vet, certain I was about to lose her.

The vet convinced me that we could save her, but it wouldn’t be cheap. She spent a night in the hospital after bloodwork came back to show she had a stage 2 kidney disease. It was a pretty rough night for me, as our favorite time together is cuddling in bed.

I had to set up the spare room for her before I could bring her home, adding to the cost of the whole thing as I needed new food and water dishes, someplace soft for her to sleep, new litterbox, etc. When I picked her up last night, the cost of the meds and food I had to bring home brought the total cost of this illness to $2900. Luckily I had enough room on credit cards to cover it, but it’s going to strain my finances for the next few months.

I set up a GoFundMe campaign, and I would be humbled and honored if you, dearest Readers, would donate a small amount and/or share the campaign on your socials.

May your winter holidays be especially warm and bright, Readers. Hug your people and your furbabies and always tell them that you love them.

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dragging myself out of bed

Yesterday was the absolute worst day of this cold. I hardly slept the night before due to coughing and sinus pain/pressure, and the cough was just killing me. I took the day off sick.

I drank Nyquil and snuggled into a blanket/pillow fort on the couch and watched a bunch of Leverage episodes. I coughed up junk and went through a box of kleenex. I only left the house to take the dog to the park and to take my mother to her sleep study.

After dropping Mom off, I crawled into my bed, put on a long ASMR video and drifted into a Nyquil fueled coma. I didn’t get a lot MORE sleep than the night before, but it was all in one solid chunk, and that seems to have made all the difference. I’m feeling much better this morning!

I did, however, have to drag myself out of bed before I wanted to so that I could go pick up my mother by 5:30 am. I am hoping that now that I’m feeling more like myself I can actually get some work done on both my day job and my house.

I need a second cup of coffee first, though.

Hoping your Wednesday is fabulous, Readers!

Photo by Matthew Henry on Unsplash

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…and I’m back

*blows off the dust*

So, after my father died, writing kind of took a back seat to dealing with the aftermath and getting my stepmother situated to carry on life without him. It meant a lot of travel back and forth to Tucson, all while I was grieving.

It meant that there was very little of me left for writing, either here or on any of my projects.

It’s been a whole year, and I am starting to find my way back. I’ve dubbed November NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Writing Month and I plan on writing a poem per day. If you want to follow along, visit https://weightywordspoetry.wordpress.com/.

In other news, I got my personal Facebook page disabled for no reason that I can understand, which has cut me off from my author and photography pages as well.

I have also left Twitter. You can find me on Threads or Bluesky. I don’t post all the same content on them, but there is some redundancy. I’m finding Threads is great for connecting with other writers and readers. I’m still struggling to find my way on Bluesky, but feel free to friend me on either or both sites.

I’m hoping to get back to one of the novels languishing on my hard drive too. I have no travel planned until the new year. With luck, that means enough down time to deep clean my house and get some writing done.

Welcome back!

Photo by Photo by Belinda Fewings on Unsplash

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the year that was and the year that will be

Ah, New Year’s…that time of hope and good will and the best intentions. We say good riddance to the year that was and throw open our arms to embrace the year to come.

As a general rule, I do my goal setting and reminiscing about the year at Samhain, but it’s been a hell of a year.

I moved from Walnut Creek out to Stockton to be closer to my mom and brother. I went to Star Wars Celebration. I got a dog. I published three novels. I lost my father and stepped into the caretaker role for my stepmother. I got to go to Nashville to see Radio Company in their first public gig.

In April, I wrote a poem every single day. I finished writing one book and got a third of the way into the next.

I got to catch up with some family I haven’t seen in forever, and meet some family I had never met.

I generally suck at keeping up with any schedules or such when it comes to posting daily or weekly or whathaveyou…but I’d like to get back to a more regular posting schedule. When I started this blog, I committed to posting here every Mon-Weds-Fri, but life got in the way, so maybe I’ll attempt Saturdays and Wednesdays. One of those days I’ll post something about my writing process/progress and the other whatever comes to mind.

I’m also wanting to get back to writing more poetry, so you may see more of that too.

Here’s a wish for you, Readers: May 2023 bring you peace, joy, and love. May your coffee be strong, your food delicious, your sleep restful and your heart filled with kindness. Goodbye 2022, the year that was, and welcome 2023, the year that will be.

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season’s greetings and all that jazz

This holiday season has not felt particularly joyous. It’s taken me most of the month to muster up any amount of holiday spirit. My Yule consisted of lighting a single candle and staring at it for most of an hour. My Christmas Eve was essentially my annual watching of Die Hard and then crawling into bed.

I didn’t sleep well, in part because I did something to aggravate my back injury and in part because I could NOT shut my brain off.

While Christmas is not a religious holiday for me, it is a day to be spent with family, and sure enough, I’ll be headed over to my brother’s place later today for presents and food. I promised my stepmother I’d call when I got over there so everyone can say Merry Christmas. She’ll be spending the day with friends.

I can remember a time when I went all out for Christmas, particularly when the girls were small. I decorated the whole house and I bought extravagant gifts. I cooked and baked and took great pleasure in gifting people treats from my kitchen.

Maybe I’ll find my way back there someday, but for today, I just want to be with the ones I love, cuddle some puppies and enjoy being alive.

Whatever you celebrate, I hope today is filled with love and happiness, Readers. Be kind to yourself and those around you.

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when the veil is thin

Samhain seems a fitting time to be closing out a life, remembering a man who was strong and vibrant and saying goodbye. My relationship with my father was not always an easy one. We are both headstrong and opinionated, and when those opinions differed, things could get heated.

I had a period in my life where I blamed him for everything. I went years not spending time with him. Ultimately though, I grew up and realized that most of what I blamed him for wasn’t his fault at all.

I have spent a good chunk of the time between his passing and now looking at his life through music and pictures. There are a lot of memories tied up in music for me, and the images of his life remind me of how much I loved to see him laugh and smile.

I’m also reminded what a handsome fella he was back in the day.

My belief about what comes after this mortal life is a bit in flux, whether we come back to try again, or take our rest among those who came before…or whether we fade to black. I guess I’m more invested in what we do with this life than I am in some ethereal eternity. But I do hope that whatever it is, my old man is at peace.

I hope I can make him proud as we move through the Celebration of Life this weekend, and find our way out to the “new normal”…the one without him on the other end of a phone call.

Tomorrow morning I get on a plane and head back to Tucson to say goodbye. I anticipate a lot of tears and hugs and warm words from people I didn’t know, but my dad did. He was a gregarious guy and he made friends everywhere he went.

I’m going to miss him. A lot.

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to say goodbye

When last I wrote, I was on my way to Tucson to spend some time with my father and family. What was meant to be a relaxing weekend catching up with people I haven’t seen in decades became sometime much more profound.

It became obvious part way through the long weekend, that my Dad was not doing well. He was weak and fragile, could hardly walk. He took a pretty hard fall on Friday night, but refused to seek treatment. The next day he was slurring his words, listing to the side and overall not doing well.

On Sunday, we talked him into getting some in-home health care, and I headed out, knowing I’d likely be back within a week to get that health care set up for him. Several hours after I left, I got a call from family that things had gotten worse, they’d called EMTs and he had refused to allow them to take him to the hospital.

I got on the phone with him, hoping to convince him to go be seen, but all he wanted was another cigarette. I screamed at him. A lot.

But, you can’t force a grown man to do what’s right for himself, and when I stopped for the night on the drive home, I had a gut feeling in my stomach that he wouldn’t wake up in the morning.

At around 6:30 am, I got the phone call that confirmed my gut feeling. My father was dead.

I had to finish the drive home, wracked with grief and guilt, only to turn around and fly back with my brother to help my step-mother get stuff handled.

It’s one of those things that you will never understand until you have to…how much work there is in wrapping up a life. So many little things, so much work to manage…and such a waiting game.

So far, I think we’ve managed a lot. We have a celebration of life scheduled for the 5th of November. I leave Tucson on Tuesday, and fly back on the 3rd. Hopefully we’ll have the death certificate by then so we can go about the business of handling the SS, the bank accounts, etc. I’ll be taking my father’s 2020 Hyundai Santa Fe, so we’ll need to deal with the title on that too.

So many details…so much paperwork. And yet, it’s an odd thing to boil down 75 years of living into a stack of papers and the stuff he accumulated.

Today I hope to tackle getting my step mother set up so that her bills are paid automatically, and then help her clear out the thousands of slips of paper that are only lending to her confusion.

For now though, I’m sipping on some coffee and waiting for my brother to wake up so we can head back over there. Happy Saturday, Readers.

E. Bryan Case Obituary

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family reunion of sorts

I’m in Tucson, Arizona for the weekend, visiting my father and his wife while my Uncle Paul, Aunt Agnes, Aunt Sue and cousin Zoe are also in town. I haven’t seen my aunts and uncle in at least twenty years.

There have been a lot of changes in my life since then, and theirs too. Yet it was surprising to find the dynamic has stayed the same as I remember it. I see a lot of the way my brother and I interact watching the three siblings.

It’s a strange thing seeing your elders as an adult, watching them change, age and struggle with illness. Both Dad and his wife have had cancer diagnoses in the last twelve months and they seem frailer than I ever remember. Yet, there’s humor. There’s joy. There’s the snarky family love I remember from my childhood.

It was also good to spend last yesterday evening with my very good friend, Lisa who I don’t get to see nearly enough. We just hung out, walked the puppy and talked for hours. It was great.

In puppy news, Athena is being a champ with this road trip. She played hard at the dog park yesterday and today. I was originally planning to stay through Monday, but I’m thinking that I’ll leave tomorrow afternoon, get a hotel in the LA area tomorrow night and finish the drive on Monday because that 14 hour drive is crazy making.

Right now, we’re hanging out at the hotel, drinking coffee and doing some edit work before heading over to Dad’s place later today. I hope this weekend is treating you well, Readers!

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the one with the bird

We, here in the US, are barreling into the holiday season with a pandemic and a recession riding shotgun. Or maybe they’re driving and we’re just along for the ride. Either way, it feels like death is hovering over what is meant to be a festive time with family and friends.

I’m not the biggest fan of the overly commercialized monstrosities that Thanksgiving and Christmas have become here in the US, though I will admit that having a couple days off work to spend with family is important to me.

I’d be remiss to throw myself fully into Thanksgiving without acknowledging the inherent problems with the holiday, but I can do that and still sit it gratitude for the life I have and the family that has helped me achieve that life.

We’ve never had huge family get-togethers because our family isn’t huge. It’s generally my mother, my brother and his wife, their two daughters and myself. I’ve been isolating, they’ve been isolating (where possible) and still it feels a little bit off as I get prepared for tomorrow.

I will be making up some dinner rolls and a green bean dish (not casserole…a tastiness of bacon, green beans, garlic, mushrooms) as my contributions to dinner, and we’ll sit around a table full of good food and our little family and tell stories about favorite holiday memories, the same ones we tell every year. I think we’re past the point of Thanksgiving food fights (though that is a very favorite memory for my brother, mother and I…I think I was sixteen that year) to relieve some of the tension of life, and we probably won’t have another epic Cards Against Humanity session this year again, but there will be love at that table.

And that is my wish for you too, Readers, that there be love at your table. Please be safe. There were more than two thousand deaths from Covid-19 yesterday. Don’t take chances with your lives, or the lives of those you love.

Cover Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash