when the veil is thin

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Samhain seems a fitting time to be closing out a life, remembering a man who was strong and vibrant and saying goodbye. My relationship with my father was not always an easy one. We are both headstrong and opinionated, and when those opinions differed, things could get heated.

I had a period in my life where I blamed him for everything. I went years not spending time with him. Ultimately though, I grew up and realized that most of what I blamed him for wasn’t his fault at all.

I have spent a good chunk of the time between his passing and now looking at his life through music and pictures. There are a lot of memories tied up in music for me, and the images of his life remind me of how much I loved to see him laugh and smile.

I’m also reminded what a handsome fella he was back in the day.

My belief about what comes after this mortal life is a bit in flux, whether we come back to try again, or take our rest among those who came before…or whether we fade to black. I guess I’m more invested in what we do with this life than I am in some ethereal eternity. But I do hope that whatever it is, my old man is at peace.

I hope I can make him proud as we move through the Celebration of Life this weekend, and find our way out to the “new normal”…the one without him on the other end of a phone call.

Tomorrow morning I get on a plane and head back to Tucson to say goodbye. I anticipate a lot of tears and hugs and warm words from people I didn’t know, but my dad did. He was a gregarious guy and he made friends everywhere he went.

I’m going to miss him. A lot.

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