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shaking the dust off

Wow, it’s been a minute. I’ve been struggling with my usual summer depression, and I’ve let a lot of stuff slip. I’m here, though, and I’m pulling myself up out of the fog.

I’m working on getting all of my books listed in the shop here, provided I have physical copies. The ebooks should all be up before the weekend is over.

In other news, I’m going to Raleigh, NC, this coming week for work. I’m going to a conference for Pendo, the software we use to manage pop-ups and surveys on our platform. Then I need to go to Tucson to handle some stuff for my step-mother, and in November, I’m down to LA for a gig.

Always on the go!

In writing news, I am finally finding my swing again. It’s hard to write in the fog of depression. I found a WIP on my hard drive that I’m playing with. It’s sci-fi, with a morally gray main character.

So, anyway, Hi and stuff. I hope to be around a little more often.

Photo by Vinicius Wiesehofer on Unsplash

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…forever in a day…

I’ve been awake since 2am because of anxiety. I leave for the airport in about a half hour. I haven’t ridden this edge of anxiety since my Kane days. Literally shaking right now.

But! I am also so excited at the same time. I’ve already medicated, so that should help me not have a panic attack just walking into the convention.

For airplane reading, if I don’t fall asleep, I have my own book, Forever, because I’m doing a book thing next Thursday with a reading group at a former coworker’s new workplace and I haven’t been immersed into that world in a hot minute. Picked it up last night and skimmed through the first chapter.

I had forgotten how much I love that character and that world. So much of my life went into that book. I may sign it and leave it somewhere at the con for someone to find. I do that from time to time.

Anyway, if you want to follow my anxiety-filled first SPN con experience, follow me on Threads (@nataliejcase) as I will be spewing things as they happen and posting pics (and yes, the “big camera” and “big lens” are coming along for the ride.

Might drop content on Insta and FB as well, so take peeks there too if you like.

Y’all be good while I’m gone, or at least don’t burn the world down or start and apocalypse.

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an agoraphobe preps for con

A week from now I will be alone at a Supernatural convention. By alone, I mean, minus my support system.

I’ve avoided these cons for years due to the agoraphobia. The sheer number of people is terrifying. Not being in control of my surroundings is terrifying. Add in meeting Jeffrey Dean Morgan, who just makes me into a teenage girl, and my whole body is vibrating with anxiety.

I’ve done what I can to minimize the anxiety. I’ve got a front-row seat. I won the VIP package, which means front of the line for everything, a lounge where I can decompress, and more. I’ll have my camera which helps keep me focused.

I started planning my packing, but I need to find the Tshirts I bought to wear to this thing. I have Xanax and I have cannabis. I have stuff to have signed.

I’m going to be fine, but right now, a week out, I’m shaking with anxiety and having mini freak outs on the daily. So it’s very much a “focus on one thing until it’s finished” kind of week over here in Natalie-land.

Stay afraid, but do it anyway is my mantra right now.

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time journeys on

It is hard to believe that we are at the midpoint of December. It’s been a year of status quo, travel, and challenge. For a good chunk of the year, I’ve felt stuck in a rut, but I’ve also traveled to a number of places I’ve never been before (and a few I have).

Mom and I took a road trip north of here, into gold country. We visited little towns and historical sites. We took lots of pictures. On the drive home, I learned that she wanted to visit New Orleans. New Orleans has been on my bucket list for a long time.

Next thing I know, we’re planning a week in NOLA, with my brother coming along for the ride. We did all the touristy things and even caught a Saints football game.

I also got back to Austin in August, and a few trips to Tucson to help my stepmother. Racking up the air miles! 

But here we are, December 16…Christmas is just 9 days away. The new year is just 7 days beyond that and we’ll be in 2024. There was a time in my life when that seemed impossible. It’s going to be a consequential year. Everything is on the line in the November election. It is easy to sink into despair over the state of things, but I choose optimism.

I choose to believe that Americans have seen the chaos of the last two years and will do the right thing to protect our democracy. Anything else is unthinkable.

These heavy thoughts brought to you by a lack of caffeine. I best get to pouring my first cup of Death Wish Coffee. Y’all have a great Saturday, Readers. 

Photo by Aron Visuals on Unsplash

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…and I’m back

*blows off the dust*

So, after my father died, writing kind of took a back seat to dealing with the aftermath and getting my stepmother situated to carry on life without him. It meant a lot of travel back and forth to Tucson, all while I was grieving.

It meant that there was very little of me left for writing, either here or on any of my projects.

It’s been a whole year, and I am starting to find my way back. I’ve dubbed November NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Writing Month and I plan on writing a poem per day. If you want to follow along, visit https://weightywordspoetry.wordpress.com/.

In other news, I got my personal Facebook page disabled for no reason that I can understand, which has cut me off from my author and photography pages as well.

I have also left Twitter. You can find me on Threads or Bluesky. I don’t post all the same content on them, but there is some redundancy. I’m finding Threads is great for connecting with other writers and readers. I’m still struggling to find my way on Bluesky, but feel free to friend me on either or both sites.

I’m hoping to get back to one of the novels languishing on my hard drive too. I have no travel planned until the new year. With luck, that means enough down time to deep clean my house and get some writing done.

Welcome back!

Photo by Photo by Belinda Fewings on Unsplash

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finding my happy place

It’s been a hell of a year. I’ve struggled, I’ve persevered, I’ve almost given up. I’ve had my feet knocked out from under me, I’ve accomplished some amazing things, I’ve lost people I loved.

While I have worked at keeping my head up and my eyes on the horizon, it hasn’t been easy, and that’s saying something coming off of two years of lockdown. One of the great joys of my life has been denied to me through the pandemic, the joy of live music and photography.

I’ve been to a few gigs, but not nearly as many as I usually attend in a year, even if you add up all of 2020, 2021, and 2022!

So, it gives me great pleasure (and great anxiety) to be heading off to Nashville today to see the band Radio Company perform in their first public gig.

The show is tomorrow night, and I’m boarding a plane tonight at around 11:15pm, hopefully, to sleep my way across the country. With a brief layover in DC, I’ll arrive in Nashville somewhere around 10am, get an Uber to the hotel, and see if I can manage an early check-in.

I’m mostly solo this trip, though I know a few of the folks who will be at the gig. This is something that’s added to my anxiety. I don’t have my usual friend bubble to protect me when things get…tight. I do, however, have Xanax, so I should be okay.

I’m mostly packed, other than clothes, because I’m still deciding on clothes. I’m leaning toward a dress, boots, and stylish hat. Since I’m turning around and flying home on Tuesday afternoon, so I don’t need to bring much more, as I can wear the same clothes I travel to Nashville home from Nashville.

I have a little time to do some wandering around and souvenir/Christmas shop, but not a lot.

I’m just hoping to disconnect myself from the stress and emotional turmoil of the year and immerse myself in music and doing what I love.

I hope y’all have some fun planned for yourself during this season of much ado. And I hope your holidays are marvelous, dearest Readers.

Photo by Magnus Lunay on Unsplash

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leaving on a jet plane

I’m headed back to Tucson in just over an hour. I’ll be gone for four days, coming home Thursday evening. On the agenda is a couple of doctor’s appointments with my step mother, getting her set up with in home care and dealing with some paperwork.

I’m also working three of those days, so that could be interesting.

In other news, I’ve seen the cover for the third Blood Witch book, and it is stunning like the first two! Still waiting on edits, but should have those soon enough. I’ve even managed a bit of writing this week!

I also got around to processing the pics I took when I was in Tucson last, at the procession for the Day of the Dead. You can find the whole set here.

My heart hurts to hear the news out of Colorado Springs this morning. I can not comprehend the level of hate required to walk into a crowded nightclub and open fire on a crowd of people just because they are not like you (I’m assuming here that early reports about it being a hate crime are true).

This will be the first Thanksgiving I’m not with my brother and family. Not entirely sure how I feel about that, if I’m honest. But it’s also the first holiday my step mother won’t have my father and it just feels right that I spend at least some of it with her.

On that note, I should finish my coffee, take out the trash, pack up the work computer and get dressed. Should probably eat something too. Long day will be long.

Be kind, Readers. Love with all of your heart.

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finding the new normal

Wow, I didn’t mean to go AWOL on y’all. The last few weeks have been crazy busy and filled with the kind of things no one wants to have to deal with. From my father’s death on the 17th of October through his Celebration of Life and on into figuring out what comes next, my mind has been occupied with all the steps I needed to take to help my stepmother and sort out the things my father left behind.

It’s strange, how much work it takes to wrap up a life, even one who was as meticulous about things as my father was. He set up a living trust, had reams of paperwork on his estate planning, yet there were a lot of weird things we need to sort.

One of those is their credit cards. Every single one is in both of their names, but only his SSN is associated, thus as soon as we report his death, my stepmother ends up without them and has to apply for her own, but because she really doesn’t have a large credit history, that ends up being less easy than it should be.

He left no *will* that spells out what to do with the little things, even though the living trust has room for that, and his only life insurance policy that we could find was for $1000.

Complicating matters is the fact that they live in Tucson, and I’m in California, as well as my stepmother’s advancing dementia. She recently got very, very lost, to the tune of 3 hours away from home, and I’m not sure what would have happened if I hadn’t called her while she was trying to get home.

So, I am headed back to Tucson in a week, hopefully to get her set up with some in-home health care, some meal delivery, and start the conversation about a more permanent solution. With any luck, that gets us safely through the end of the year, and we can start considering what comes next.

Whatever normal is, this isn’t it.

Hopefully, I’m on the right road to find it. Happy Monday, Readers! Be kind, be gracious and love one another (and while you’re at it make a will, add beneficiaries to your accounts, let your wishes be known).

Photo by Perfectus Photography & Design Co. on Unsplash

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a time of remembrance

Today I am heading up to Oregon again, this time with my mother and her dog. The purpose of this trip is to bury my stepfather’s ashes in the Flory family cemetery. Bob died four years ago, though somehow that doesn’t seem possible. At the time, the family was scattered. We waited a few months to do a memorial, and his ashes, aside from what Mom had sealed in a small urn, went with one of his sons.

The intent was always to bring him to the plot to be with his family, but Covid came and plans got postponed.

So on Friday, we will gather with his increasingly smaller family to say final farewells.

As always when something like this is happening, it stirs up memories. Bob was a good man who loved my mother. My favorite memories are from when the kids were small and he just delighted in teaching them things. They weren’t always as delighted, if I recall, but he would light up.

Bob was a geologist by trade, and so as tribute, I rummaged my altar box for a stone or two to contribute to the grave site. I grabbed a large crystal point and a chunk of obsidian.

I still need to shower, load the dishwasher and pack the cooler before I load up the car, then off to gather Mom and Missy for the long drive north. I don’t really know Bob’s family well, and that has my anxiety up, but I want to be there for Mom.

On Saturday, we’re going to Crater Lake, so watch this space for photos.

And that’s all there is in the land of Natalie, at least for now. I hope your day is spectacular, Readers!

Photo by Preston Pownell on Unsplash

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road trip

It’s twelve thirty in the morning. I’m waiting for second coffee to finish brewing so I can fill my travel mug and head out on the first road trip since the before times. The cats have food and water and clean litter boxes. The house is mostly clean. Mom is coming to watch the kitties.

Once the coffee is ready, I’ll run through my checklist one more time, shut off the computer, start the dishwasher and finish putting stuff in the car. I should be on the road by 1:30 ~ish, which should put me at my destination around noon.

I went to bed around 6pm to prep for this, and despite being super tired, my sleep was a bit crappy. I slept best early on, but then I was awake at least once an hour after 8pm. Finally gave up at a little after 11 because all I was doing was worrying about stupid stuff and stressing myself out.

I have the next two weeks off of work. A few days in Oregon with my girls, a few days at home to relax, then Star Wars Celebration. My low mileage insurance is going to go bonkers! LOL. Next month’s insurance bill is going to suck.

So, I hope you have a wonderful couple of weeks and get to take some time just for yourself, Readers.

I’m off to pour some coffee and get things moving.

Photo by Leio McLaren on Unsplash