Wow, it’s been a minute. I’ve been struggling with my usual summer depression, and I’ve let a lot of stuff slip. I’m here, though, and I’m pulling myself up out of the fog.
I’m working on getting all of my books listed in the shop here, provided I have physical copies. The ebooks should all be up before the weekend is over.
In other news, I’m going to Raleigh, NC, this coming week for work. I’m going to a conference for Pendo, the software we use to manage pop-ups and surveys on our platform. Then I need to go to Tucson to handle some stuff for my step-mother, and in November, I’m down to LA for a gig.
Always on the go!
In writing news, I am finally finding my swing again. It’s hard to write in the fog of depression. I found a WIP on my hard drive that I’m playing with. It’s sci-fi, with a morally gray main character.
So, anyway, Hi and stuff. I hope to be around a little more often.
I’m in the odd place of knowing I need to do something to address my current malaise and depression, and actually being able to take the next step. That isn’t entirely true. I have taken a step, by talking to my doctor about it.
While that raises my mood a micron, all that does is give me a better vision of the morass of darkness I seem to be tethered to. The way forward is murky at best.
I had to dye my hair yesterday because the green was really faded and my roots really dark, but in doing so I had to bid farewell to the green, at least for now. I’ve been losing a lot of hair in the last few months, and while it isn’t due to damage of the hair, it didn’t seem like the routine of bleach and color was the best plan of action, particularly because I can’t go to my hair stylist yet. So my reflection this morning is a bit startling with a purply-red in place of the green.
I’m not sure what to do with myself this morning. A part of me really wants to write, but my muse is on walkabout, so I’m not sure I can manage to wrangle words without her. Maybe another deep cleaning day will improve my outlook. This office certainly needs a once over (maybe a two or three over).
For now though, on this early Saturday morning, I’m enjoying a nice cup of Death Wish and a cuddle with my kitty. How’s your Saturday, reader?
I haven’t been writing much, obviously including here on my blog. I’ll be real honest and say that living has been hard recently. I have found myself feeling heavy and unmotivated.
I know everyone is feeling it. Six months of living in crisis mode is wearing us all down.
Then came the news that Ruth Bader Ginsburg had passed from this life and I am not ashamed to say that I was dragged into a deep dark hole. Everything felt hopeless and dark and like the country I love had taken that last step out of the light, out of the promise of who we are meant to be and we are now tumbling headlong into the abyss, driven by avarice and greed.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg
Honestly, as an author, had I presented a story like 2020 to an editor, I would have been told that it was not believable. Pick a single plot and stick with it, would you?
I spent Saturday in grief-cleaning mode. When everything is out of your control, control what you can, right? When I spiral down into the land where anxiety borders on depression, I tend to just let stuff go…I don’t clean, I don’t eat properly, I forget to take my meds. You know, stuff like that. Climbing back out looks like cleaning, preparing actual meals and setting reminders on my phone to take my meds.
So, here we are back at Monday. I’ve been awake since 2:30 am, I’m drinking coffee and trying to find the light. There are still things I can’t control, but I’m going to start controlling what I can. And one of those things is voting my conscience, voting for stepping back from the abyss of the last four years. I can’t help those who hate, those who are determined to believe that the last four years have been good (what value of good are they using anyway?).
All I can do is love hard enough and bright enough that the hate retreats in shame. I love you, Readers! I’m not a really huggy person, but I’d hug you all right now if I could. Remember, it’s okay to step back, to disengage when it’s all too much for you. It’s okay to cry, to rage, to just withdraw. Just remember to get back up again and step back into the fight.
