Tag: food

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the one with the bird

We, here in the US, are barreling into the holiday season with a pandemic and a recession riding shotgun. Or maybe they’re driving and we’re just along for the ride. Either way, it feels like death is hovering over what is meant to be a festive time with family and friends.

I’m not the biggest fan of the overly commercialized monstrosities that Thanksgiving and Christmas have become here in the US, though I will admit that having a couple days off work to spend with family is important to me.

I’d be remiss to throw myself fully into Thanksgiving without acknowledging the inherent problems with the holiday, but I can do that and still sit it gratitude for the life I have and the family that has helped me achieve that life.

We’ve never had huge family get-togethers because our family isn’t huge. It’s generally my mother, my brother and his wife, their two daughters and myself. I’ve been isolating, they’ve been isolating (where possible) and still it feels a little bit off as I get prepared for tomorrow.

I will be making up some dinner rolls and a green bean dish (not casserole…a tastiness of bacon, green beans, garlic, mushrooms) as my contributions to dinner, and we’ll sit around a table full of good food and our little family and tell stories about favorite holiday memories, the same ones we tell every year. I think we’re past the point of Thanksgiving food fights (though that is a very favorite memory for my brother, mother and I…I think I was sixteen that year) to relieve some of the tension of life, and we probably won’t have another epic Cards Against Humanity session this year again, but there will be love at that table.

And that is my wish for you too, Readers, that there be love at your table. Please be safe. There were more than two thousand deaths from Covid-19 yesterday. Don’t take chances with your lives, or the lives of those you love.

Cover Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

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melancholy moments

I haven’t been writing much, obviously including here on my blog. I’ll be real honest and say that living has been hard recently. I have found myself feeling heavy and unmotivated.

I know everyone is feeling it. Six months of living in crisis mode is wearing us all down.

Then came the news that Ruth Bader Ginsburg had passed from this life and I am not ashamed to say that I was dragged into a deep dark hole. Everything felt hopeless and dark and like the country I love had taken that last step out of the light, out of the promise of who we are meant to be and we are now tumbling headlong into the abyss, driven by avarice and greed.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Honestly, as an author, had I presented a story like 2020 to an editor, I would have been told that it was not believable. Pick a single plot and stick with it, would you?

I spent Saturday in grief-cleaning mode. When everything is out of your control, control what you can, right? When I spiral down into the land where anxiety borders on depression, I tend to just let stuff go…I don’t clean, I don’t eat properly, I forget to take my meds. You know, stuff like that. Climbing back out looks like cleaning, preparing actual meals and setting reminders on my phone to take my meds.

So, here we are back at Monday. I’ve been awake since 2:30 am, I’m drinking coffee and trying to find the light. There are still things I can’t control, but I’m going to start controlling what I can. And one of those things is voting my conscience, voting for stepping back from the abyss of the last four years. I can’t help those who hate, those who are determined to believe that the last four years have been good (what value of good are they using anyway?).

All I can do is love hard enough and bright enough that the hate retreats in shame. I love you, Readers! I’m not a really huggy person, but I’d hug you all right now if I could. Remember, it’s okay to step back, to disengage when it’s all too much for you. It’s okay to cry, to rage, to just withdraw. Just remember to get back up again and step back into the fight.

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running against the clock

A bit of oatmeal, some coffee and we ease into the day.  Well, not so much.  By the time I got to the oatmeal and coffee, I had already walked 1.2 miles, with a train ride in the middle, plus the whole getting out of bed and getting dressed and all of that, including makeup and jewelry.

It’s a whole thing.

I have a Samsung Galaxy watch, and one of the programs on it allows me to set a “must wake up by” time, which is set to 4:30 am, and then it monitors my sleep cycle and wakes me at the end of an REM cycle closest to that time, provided that there isn’t time for another complete cycle.

For the last 3 days, it’s gone off at 4am.  It’s amazing to me how much better my mornings have been.  I’m up and out of bed, dressed and answering emails before my 4:30 alarm goes off.  If I had gone that extra half hour, I would have gotten up groggy and cranky and slow.

Time is a funny thing, really.  A human construct that lets us function within a society, a measurement of when rather than what.  At one point in my life, I was so addicted to knowing what time it was, that I looked at my watch about 20 million times a day (an estimate, of course, probably slightly overstated).  I had to stop wearing a watch to get past it.

In fact, I went without a watch for close to 8 years before I got my first fitbit.  I’d broken the addiction, and didn’t fall back into it, but I came to love having that fitbit.  I’ve only recently upgraded to the Galaxy watch as my Fitbit Charge HR 2 was on its last legs.  I love the versatility of it, I only wish the associated Samsung Health app was a little more robust, like the Fitbit app.

Speaking of time, it looks like I should get myself back to my work.  Emails to respond to, pages to write…you know, the usual.  And I don’t want my coffee to get cold.

Happy Wednesday, Readers!  I hope time is on your side today!

 

Photo by Jiyeon Park on Unsplash