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my Morrigan kitty

A few days ago, I went upstairs to grab a pair of socks and found my 16 year old cat lying in a puddle of diarrhea and nearly unresponsive. I raced her to an emergency vet, certain I was about to lose her.

The vet convinced me that we could save her, but it wouldn’t be cheap. She spent a night in the hospital after bloodwork came back to show she had a stage 2 kidney disease. It was a pretty rough night for me, as our favorite time together is cuddling in bed.

I had to set up the spare room for her before I could bring her home, adding to the cost of the whole thing as I needed new food and water dishes, someplace soft for her to sleep, new litterbox, etc. When I picked her up last night, the cost of the meds and food I had to bring home brought the total cost of this illness to $2900. Luckily I had enough room on credit cards to cover it, but it’s going to strain my finances for the next few months.

I set up a GoFundMe campaign, and I would be humbled and honored if you, dearest Readers, would donate a small amount and/or share the campaign on your socials.

May your winter holidays be especially warm and bright, Readers. Hug your people and your furbabies and always tell them that you love them.

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trees and lights and holidays

Halloween has always been the holiday I go all out for, but once upon a time, I used to go wild for Christmas too. Back when my mother and I were sharing a home, we strung up hundreds and hundreds of lights on the house, bushes, even the lawn. We did a big tree and a Christmas village that took up an entire table.

Since moving out to live alone, I haven’t had room for a tree or much desire to decorate inside, and for a long time, I lived in places where decorating outside didn’t matter as no one would see it. This year, I fell in love with a tree with fiber-optic lights and decided to co-opt the corner of my living room to put up a tree.

I don’t have anything on it yet, but I have ornaments coming. I need to find a tree topper that won’t topple my wee little tree and maybe some garland.

I also got some lights for outside, I just need to find the oomph to get them up.

I will also need to go help Mom get her tree up sometime in the next week or so. For today though? I’m nursing my back that I seem to have injured by sleeping last night.

Photo by Thalia Ruiz on Unsplash

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season’s greetings and all that jazz

This holiday season has not felt particularly joyous. It’s taken me most of the month to muster up any amount of holiday spirit. My Yule consisted of lighting a single candle and staring at it for most of an hour. My Christmas Eve was essentially my annual watching of Die Hard and then crawling into bed.

I didn’t sleep well, in part because I did something to aggravate my back injury and in part because I could NOT shut my brain off.

While Christmas is not a religious holiday for me, it is a day to be spent with family, and sure enough, I’ll be headed over to my brother’s place later today for presents and food. I promised my stepmother I’d call when I got over there so everyone can say Merry Christmas. She’ll be spending the day with friends.

I can remember a time when I went all out for Christmas, particularly when the girls were small. I decorated the whole house and I bought extravagant gifts. I cooked and baked and took great pleasure in gifting people treats from my kitchen.

Maybe I’ll find my way back there someday, but for today, I just want to be with the ones I love, cuddle some puppies and enjoy being alive.

Whatever you celebrate, I hope today is filled with love and happiness, Readers. Be kind to yourself and those around you.

Photo by Rodion Kutsaiev on Unsplash

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finding my happy place

It’s been a hell of a year. I’ve struggled, I’ve persevered, I’ve almost given up. I’ve had my feet knocked out from under me, I’ve accomplished some amazing things, I’ve lost people I loved.

While I have worked at keeping my head up and my eyes on the horizon, it hasn’t been easy, and that’s saying something coming off of two years of lockdown. One of the great joys of my life has been denied to me through the pandemic, the joy of live music and photography.

I’ve been to a few gigs, but not nearly as many as I usually attend in a year, even if you add up all of 2020, 2021, and 2022!

So, it gives me great pleasure (and great anxiety) to be heading off to Nashville today to see the band Radio Company perform in their first public gig.

The show is tomorrow night, and I’m boarding a plane tonight at around 11:15pm, hopefully, to sleep my way across the country. With a brief layover in DC, I’ll arrive in Nashville somewhere around 10am, get an Uber to the hotel, and see if I can manage an early check-in.

I’m mostly solo this trip, though I know a few of the folks who will be at the gig. This is something that’s added to my anxiety. I don’t have my usual friend bubble to protect me when things get…tight. I do, however, have Xanax, so I should be okay.

I’m mostly packed, other than clothes, because I’m still deciding on clothes. I’m leaning toward a dress, boots, and stylish hat. Since I’m turning around and flying home on Tuesday afternoon, so I don’t need to bring much more, as I can wear the same clothes I travel to Nashville home from Nashville.

I have a little time to do some wandering around and souvenir/Christmas shop, but not a lot.

I’m just hoping to disconnect myself from the stress and emotional turmoil of the year and immerse myself in music and doing what I love.

I hope y’all have some fun planned for yourself during this season of much ado. And I hope your holidays are marvelous, dearest Readers.

Photo by Magnus Lunay on Unsplash

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sunshine and kindness

August is something of a transition month for me. When I lived in Upstate New York as a kid, it had this impending feeling of autumn, but with the heat and free spirit of summer. Corn of the cob and macaroni salads filled picnic tables, kids splashed about in Lake Ontario, and trees were just starting to show the kiss of color that autumn would bring.

Thoughts would turn to shopping for school clothes, the smell of leaves and fires, the anticipation for hay rides and haunted houses.

Of course, now that my life no longer rotates around the school calendar, August is the start of a string of birthdays/holidays that begins with my brother’s oldest child’s (who is no longer a child) birthday, mine, my mother’s, Halloween, Thanksgiving, my brother’s birthday, Christmas, New Year’s and then my brother’s youngest child’s birthday (she is no longer a child either).

Add in there a trip to Austin early in August most years for a birthday celebration of another kind, plus various conferences and vacations, and most years August is the start of time accelerating to race through it all.

I leave for Austin on Thursday (vaccinated and masked), but until then, I’m trying to hold back on the gallop and keep this thing slowed down a bit while I can. I’m writing a lot, and editing the Sirens Benefit Anthology, and even working at designing a cover for it.

Right now, I’m savoring my Death Wish Coffee and contemplating thinky things. I plan on filming some poetry videos while I’m in Austin, so stay tuned for that to happen.

And now, Readers, I’m off into my Sunday. May yours be filled with sunshine and kindness.

Photo by Brian Garcia on Unsplash

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reflections on what it means to be American

In 1776, on the fourth of July, the Continental Congress unanimously adopted the Declaration of Independence, kicking off the great American experiment in governing ourselves. It was the first step in throwing off the perceived chains of Britain’s hold on us, the beginning of our attempt at a government formed by the people.

July fourth became a national holiday in 1870, but it wasn’t a paid federal holiday until the 1940s. Over the years, the holiday has been observed in a number of ways, traditionally including flag-waving, fireworks and family BBQs. Nothing says freedom like hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill, I suppose.

The first real memory I have of understanding what the flag stood for, or the fervor of patriotism that it seems to inspire these days was in 1976, the second centennial of our stand for independence. Before then we recited the pledge everyday at school…but it was just so many meaningless words to this not-quite-eight-year old.

I wasn’t instilled with patriotic passion as a child. The concept of “the nation” and my place in it wasn’t something that my little brain gave much energy to.

As I grew, I did develop a love for the country I called home, and the older I get, the more radically I love, and want to improve, America. I’m not a flag-waving-ammo-sexual-patriot. I don’t actually even own a flag. I’m not likely to attend any fireworks displays (especially now when we are so dry and the state is burning), or play patriotic music.

I guess you could say I would rather live my patriotism than show it off. How do I do that? With my vote. With my vocal support of equality, equity and the desire to live the ideals of freedom, rather than the letter of the law. With my dollars that I spend or donate to support causes that are fighting for that ideal of freedom.

For me, the greatest thing about this country is the way we have progressed, and how we have allowed our understanding of what the founding fathers intended to grow with us, even though we still have a very long way to go.

Sometimes that progress needs to be dragged out of our past with a team of Clydesdales, and as recent years have showed us there is always a danger for our footing to flounder and the weight of our history to drag us backwards.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.”

Maybe they didn’t mean all men, and maybe they didn’t include women, but here we are, grown from that to, at least in theory, include all men and all women. Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. Think on that was you wave your flag and grill your brats. Consider what that means to not only you, but those who are not like you. Consider what it will mean to your children, or the generations to follow.

In the grand scheme of the world, we are a young country, and we have a lot of growing up to do, we have high standards to hold ourselves to, and we have an ideal of freedom for all that we must embrace in our hearts.

I hope this holiday weekend finds you well, Readers, and that your days bring kindness.

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merry christmas to all…

Today is the first day of over a week off of the day job. This means I get to write every day until the words stop flowing. This pleases me.

Tomorrow will be time spent with my immediate family, who are the only people I have spent any time with at all during this pandemic. There won’t be any hugs and a lot less touching than any Christmas before this one, but there will be good food and good company, possibly fun games and maybe some wine.

I haven’t celebrated a religious Christmas in many years, but the secular one has always been meaningful to me as an opportunity to show family how much I love them through food and gifts. I tend to cook from scratch for the special days, depending on what we’re doing for a main course.

My holy day has come and gone, and was mostly observed with candles, an offering of wine and some solemn contemplation of the year that has raked us over the coals. I, for one, am looking forward to the end of this year, this decade.

I hope Santa brings you something you desire. I hope that you give others the love that lives inside you. I hope you get some sleep, something yummy to eat and the feeling of knowing you are loved.

Merry Christmas, Readers!

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the one with the bird

We, here in the US, are barreling into the holiday season with a pandemic and a recession riding shotgun. Or maybe they’re driving and we’re just along for the ride. Either way, it feels like death is hovering over what is meant to be a festive time with family and friends.

I’m not the biggest fan of the overly commercialized monstrosities that Thanksgiving and Christmas have become here in the US, though I will admit that having a couple days off work to spend with family is important to me.

I’d be remiss to throw myself fully into Thanksgiving without acknowledging the inherent problems with the holiday, but I can do that and still sit it gratitude for the life I have and the family that has helped me achieve that life.

We’ve never had huge family get-togethers because our family isn’t huge. It’s generally my mother, my brother and his wife, their two daughters and myself. I’ve been isolating, they’ve been isolating (where possible) and still it feels a little bit off as I get prepared for tomorrow.

I will be making up some dinner rolls and a green bean dish (not casserole…a tastiness of bacon, green beans, garlic, mushrooms) as my contributions to dinner, and we’ll sit around a table full of good food and our little family and tell stories about favorite holiday memories, the same ones we tell every year. I think we’re past the point of Thanksgiving food fights (though that is a very favorite memory for my brother, mother and I…I think I was sixteen that year) to relieve some of the tension of life, and we probably won’t have another epic Cards Against Humanity session this year again, but there will be love at that table.

And that is my wish for you too, Readers, that there be love at your table. Please be safe. There were more than two thousand deaths from Covid-19 yesterday. Don’t take chances with your lives, or the lives of those you love.

Cover Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

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new year, same old me…

I’m not big on New Years as a holiday, or a time for big changes.   As a Pagan I celebrate the turning of the wheel toward beginnings at Samhain (Halloween), so it seems a bit redundant to do so again on the first of January.

I do get something of a new beginning this year, as the job I’m working moved into a new office during the holidays…and I just upgraded my home theater system with a new TV and surround sound system.

I took a few days off after Christmas to go visit my father, step-mother and one of my dearest friends in Tucson, Arizona and it was a chance to take my camera out into the desert where the sky put on quite the show for us.  It had been raining and stormy through the night, but the sun came out and the clouds were just gorgeous.

Speaking of gorgeous, check out these beautiful birds!

I should get back to drinking my coffee before it goes cold.  However you view the new year, Readers, I wish you joy, kindness and success (by whatever definition you define success) in 2020.  May the Force be With You and Live Long and Prosper!

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nano, holidays and other manic things

So, November was an interesting month.  I chose to focus on The Blood Witch for NaNoWrMo, dedicated my morning makeup routine time to writing, and spent at least four hours every Saturday and Sunday writing.

On November 29th, I hit 50K and breathed a sigh of relief.  I’m really fond of a lot of what I wrote in November, and yeah, some of it sucks and will end up heavily edited or cut, but that’s not what matters.  With a deadline, even self imposed, I set myself to powering through even the plot spots that were stymying me and making me back off the story.

It isn’t all fixed, and I still have a lot of ground to cover, but I know how the story works from here to the end, and I even know how we transition to the next book and a vague idea of what happens in it.

If you can’t tell, I am not a big outline and plotter kind of person.  I kind of pants it mostly.  I find that if I sit down and plan it all out, my brain decides we’ve already told that story, time to move on.

I got to spend a good day with family on Thanksgiving, even if the oven at their place decided to decorate my hand TWICE.  Ouchie!  And, with that the run up to the holiday season is upon us.

Tomorrow is my brother’s birthday.  On Sunday I’ll be heading up to help my mother decorate for Christmas (and recruiting help from the younger generation).  My presents are all bought and I’m just awaiting delivery for some of them.  I have some baking and such to do, and I’m crocheting in the evenings, handing out scarves and hats to the homeless as I walk to/from work.

And yes, still writing.  My goal is to finish this zero draft before the end of the year and find a critique partner/beta reader who can help me with plot holes and inconsistencies and such.  December is such a crazy month!

I hope that you find some time in it to do something you love and spread a little kindness.  Happy Tuesday, Readers!

 

Photo by Mark Rabe on Unsplash