Tag: music

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finding my happy place

It’s been a hell of a year. I’ve struggled, I’ve persevered, I’ve almost given up. I’ve had my feet knocked out from under me, I’ve accomplished some amazing things, I’ve lost people I loved.

While I have worked at keeping my head up and my eyes on the horizon, it hasn’t been easy, and that’s saying something coming off of two years of lockdown. One of the great joys of my life has been denied to me through the pandemic, the joy of live music and photography.

I’ve been to a few gigs, but not nearly as many as I usually attend in a year, even if you add up all of 2020, 2021, and 2022!

So, it gives me great pleasure (and great anxiety) to be heading off to Nashville today to see the band Radio Company perform in their first public gig.

The show is tomorrow night, and I’m boarding a plane tonight at around 11:15pm, hopefully, to sleep my way across the country. With a brief layover in DC, I’ll arrive in Nashville somewhere around 10am, get an Uber to the hotel, and see if I can manage an early check-in.

I’m mostly solo this trip, though I know a few of the folks who will be at the gig. This is something that’s added to my anxiety. I don’t have my usual friend bubble to protect me when things get…tight. I do, however, have Xanax, so I should be okay.

I’m mostly packed, other than clothes, because I’m still deciding on clothes. I’m leaning toward a dress, boots, and stylish hat. Since I’m turning around and flying home on Tuesday afternoon, so I don’t need to bring much more, as I can wear the same clothes I travel to Nashville home from Nashville.

I have a little time to do some wandering around and souvenir/Christmas shop, but not a lot.

I’m just hoping to disconnect myself from the stress and emotional turmoil of the year and immerse myself in music and doing what I love.

I hope y’all have some fun planned for yourself during this season of much ado. And I hope your holidays are marvelous, dearest Readers.

Photo by Magnus Lunay on Unsplash

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sleigh bells and rudolph

I am one of those people who generally dislike Christmas music. There are a number of reasons. The first big one is that there are so few new Christmas songs, so we get inundated with the same ten or so songs in multiple variations. Do we really need every single recording artist to record Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?

Then there’s the fact that everywhere you go, you get slammed with that music non-stop. Gone are the contemporary songs that stores usually play. I probably would like Christmas music better if it was one song out of five, rather than wall to wall Drummer Boy and Frosty the Snowman.

Of course, the fact that so much of the traditional Christmas music is based in a religion I left decades ago. Nothing against those songs per se, just not my thing, you know?

There’s also my disdain for false cheer, forced happy endings and the like. It’s one of the reasons I don’t watch Christmas movies too. Or romance. My music tastes are varied and wide, but my comfort music is generally dark and loud. There’s a reason I clean house to stuff from artists like Halestorm, Dorothy, Flogging Molly, etc.

Today is the day that my disdain starts to dissipate though. Starting on Christmas Eve, I am much more amenable to the stuff. I may even turn on some alternative stuff today while I’m packing or cleaning. We’ll see.

And tomorrow I have no problems with it, at least in small doses. As long as it is background noise, and not taking over the whole affair. But I feel that way about most music, if I’m spending time with others. Alone, I crank it up though. In other words, it’s almost time to be Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.

Whatever you celebrate, whatever you believe, whoever you love, I am sending you all my love this holiday season, Readers. Give yourself a hug from me.

Photo by Norman Tsui on Unsplash

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Christmas in the time of covid…

Christmas is just a week away. It doesn’t feel like Christmas though. I don’t know if it’s the exhaustion of the last two years, or the continued and continuing pandemic, or just my own general malaise, but this holiday season seems so…flat.

I’m not a huge Christmas fan anyway, at least not like I was back when I was younger. I had been planning to decorate, but then decided I need to move, so I’m packing instead of unpacking. There was a time though when I decorated EVERYTHING. I spent a lot of time and money covering our house in lights, putting up our tree with the carefully curated stash of homemade and personalized ornaments, even set up a ceramic Christmas village, in which every house was hand painted.

Since I moved out of my mother’s house, I haven’t much bothered with decorating. I haven’t had the space for a tree or the village. Every few years I’ll put out porch decorations and lights.

I’m not a big fan of most Christmas movies either, for any number of reasons. I’ll usually try to watch Die Hard on Christmas Eve though. Yes, I consider it a Christmas movie. And no, Nightmare Before Christmas is a Halloween watch, not a Christmas one.

And Christmas music makes my teeth hurt.

But I’m not trying to be a Debbie-Downer. I mostly keep these things to myself. In fact, what I’m searching for right now is the things that do make me happy at this time of year. I love the cooler weather. I love wearing flannel shirts and hoodies. I love the general feeling in the air this time of year, the casual greetings of people you pass, that kind of thing.

I do enjoy the cooking/baking for the holidays, again, with nowhere near the ferocity of it in my 20s and 30s…but I do still enjoy prepping for a big meal, making cookies to share with friends, and all that.

And gift-giving. I love giving gifts. It’s a big part of my personality. Chances are good that if you have known me for more than a little while, you have experienced my love of giving gifts, especially the unexpected kinds. That much still holds true.

But all my gifts are bought and wrapped. Sometime today I will move them to the trunk of the car so that they’re out of the way as I continue to pack stuff.

May your holiday season be filled with kindness, Readers. Some good food, good friends and good health.

Photo by Tessa Rampersad on Unsplash

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bring on the hugs

If you have been reading my blog for any amount of time, you’ll know that I’m an agoraphobe. I was even BEFORE this pandemic. I’m most comfortable and happy within my own home, and in spaces that I am intimately familiar with (family homes, friends places, etc). In particular, I need to control the number of people in any given space.

This makes this whole idea of re-entering “normal” rather problematic for me. This year and a half being encouraged to stay home to stay safe has escalated certain anxieties for me. The rise of this Delta variant isn’t helping.

In a week, I’m getting on a plane for the first time in close to two years and I’m flying to Austin, Texas to spend time with some friends.

There’s a lot to be excited about. There’s also a lot to be worried about.

I know the people I’ll be with are vaccinated. I know a good chunk of our time we will be in well ventilated or open areas. But there’s the BART to the airport, the airport, the plane, the other airport, transportation to the hotel, the hotel…etc…

I’m trying to balance that against getting to see friends, getting to meet up with coworkers and live music for the first time in a lifetime.

I have Xanax on hand. I have presents to deliver. And I can not wait for the music.

And hugs. I can’t believe how much I miss hugs.

Photo by Vitolda Klein on Unsplash

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of noise and static

I’m that person who has trouble focusing on a single task at a time. I grew up with the need to be in constant motion, to always be doing something and “sitting” didn’t count as “something”. Even in high school, I had to have music or the television playing in order to focus my brain on my homework.

Today, I use a lot of documentaries to occupy that space in my mind while I work. When I write, there’s usually music playing, unless I’m writing poetry. That’s about the only thing I think I need silence for. Sometimes the music I play while writing is driven by what I’m writing.

For example, while working on the first book in the Blood Witch trilogy, I listened to a bunch of baroque music, driven by the fact that one of my characters was into that sort of sound. When working on Forever, there was a playlist that wound itself through time, like Amara did, starting with some tribal beats and working up through history.

Book 2 in the Blood Witch series didn’t have a decided playlist, it kind of moved around songs in my library and I’d just skip songs that didn’t fit what I was writing. As I’m working on Book 3, I’m having trouble finding the musical flow. The story is set in a culture roughly equating to 1880 London, but the music of the time is not resonating with the story telling.

Somewhat more effective is a random playlist of “sound” rather than set music. Think atmospheric, not quite meditative kind of sound. Lots of long single notes and gentle waves of sound. It also helps when I have a headache, like this morning.

My coffee is getting cold, and I have words to wrestle into place, so happy Sunday, Readers. May it be filled with kindness.

Cover Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash

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baking and breaking

Here we are at Friday again. I have a lot of work to get to today, and I’ve already been up and working for a few hours. My plans for the weekend aren’t concrete, it will depend on whether work comes in on either Job #2 or one of two freelance editing jobs that I am expecting to come in. But, could include the exciting tasks of laundry, cleaning and building a bookshelf.

If no work comes in I may even get time to write and/or research possible literary agents to query.

I will admit that I am really loving working from home. I love the freedom of it. Wake up at 3am and can’t go back to sleep? I can get up and work without having to go anywhere. Can’t be bothered to get dressed? No worries. Need to do laundry in the middle of the week? Go for it. Want to take a break and bake some bread or start some stew in the crock pot? Sure. I made bread this week, and there will be some beef stew later today.

I have days where I work from four in the morning until nine at night barely taking time to go to the bathroom or eat. I have days where I work a few hours, then do things around the house, then come back and work some more.

I have days where I listen to music on Spotify on my TV so it can come through my surround sound system. I have days where I play vinyl on my record player. I have days where I have documentaries on the TV while I work.

Of course, my taste in documentaries is so all over the map that I think I’ve broken the algorithms on Amazon. Their recommendations are getting a bit bizarre.

I should probably get to the next task on my list. I hope y’all have a great weekend, Readers!

Cover Photo by Nadya Spetnitskaya on Unsplash.

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time to make the words

I’m sitting here on Sunday morning, in my nice flannel PJs, sipping on some coffee and working on waking up enough to write.  Today’s writing agenda is to start/finish chapter thirteen, get the plot moving and step up to the next thing on the vague sort of journey in my head.

Of course, being a working woman with no one to help with other important things, today’s agenda also includes laundry doing, kitchen and bathroom cleaning and tons of other fun house chores.  There is the added bonus of having Monday off, so I get extra writing time this weekend.

Yesterday I worked in sprints of twenty five minutes, twenty five cleaning, twenty five writing.  I may up that to forty-five minutes each today, see if it gets me out of the weeds.  I’m also going to be making some beef stew, once I get the kitchen clean up that is.

Meanwhile, this is what is keeping me company through this whole weekend.  The album just dropped this week, from my friend Steve Carlson and his friend Jensen Ackles (yes, that Jensen Ackles).  I’ve known this was in the works for a while, and have been looking forward to it anxiously.  It was totally worth the wait.  If you like a little gothic southern rock mixed with a heavy does of blues and jazz notes and some AMAZING vocals, check this out.  You can get it on Spotify and iTunes and probably a bunch of other places.

If you dig it, you can check out the band’s website for cool merch and to get the album on vinyl.  Someone find me a record player!  My favorite is probably Drowning, but I love Cannonball and Sounds of Someday too.  Hell, I love it all, so I’ll be over here with the volume cranked up to 11 while I clean.

Happy Sunday, Readers.  Time to make the words.

 

Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash

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axes with friends

Last weekend I was in Austin celebrating a friend’s birthday, and getting to see a cousin I haven’t seen since we graduated high school together.  It was a fabulous long weekend that started on Wednesday.

The mini-vacation included getting to hang in the pool and spend lots of hours catching up with my cousin and her daughter, then music and dinner on Lady Bird lake, Rocky Horror Picture Show with friends, a buffet breakfast, ax throwing craziness (which I did not expect to enjoy as much as I did), dinner and beer at the Family Business Brewing Company, followed by more beer and a concert.

Every time I get to do one of these weekends, I’m reminded why I’m willing to spend the money to do it.  Austin is a beautiful city and I’ve met some awesome people.  And our host’s reaction to my new appearance, after not seeing me in 3 years, was worth every penny too!

I came home to an extra week off before I start my new job on Monday, which has meant that I got a good amount of writing time this week and that has felt really good.  I’m hoping that I can continue getting at least 500 words a day, even as I start my new job, which I am admittedly both nervous and excited for.

It’s a whole new industry for me, and the learning curve is going to be steep.

But hey, we all know I love a challenge!

Well, Readers, the coffee is hot (DeathWish Valhalla Java this morning) and I need to get some words flowing.  I hope to get back to a regular cadence of posting here now that I will be settling in to a new routine.

 

Photo by Dan Edwards on Unsplash