Category: LGBT

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leaving on a jet plane

I’m headed back to Tucson in just over an hour. I’ll be gone for four days, coming home Thursday evening. On the agenda is a couple of doctor’s appointments with my step mother, getting her set up with in home care and dealing with some paperwork.

I’m also working three of those days, so that could be interesting.

In other news, I’ve seen the cover for the third Blood Witch book, and it is stunning like the first two! Still waiting on edits, but should have those soon enough. I’ve even managed a bit of writing this week!

I also got around to processing the pics I took when I was in Tucson last, at the procession for the Day of the Dead. You can find the whole set here.

My heart hurts to hear the news out of Colorado Springs this morning. I can not comprehend the level of hate required to walk into a crowded nightclub and open fire on a crowd of people just because they are not like you (I’m assuming here that early reports about it being a hate crime are true).

This will be the first Thanksgiving I’m not with my brother and family. Not entirely sure how I feel about that, if I’m honest. But it’s also the first holiday my step mother won’t have my father and it just feels right that I spend at least some of it with her.

On that note, I should finish my coffee, take out the trash, pack up the work computer and get dressed. Should probably eat something too. Long day will be long.

Be kind, Readers. Love with all of your heart.

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are we there yet?

June is Pride month. This will be my third year not participating in SF Pride, the first two because of the pandemic, and this year because I wasn’t invited back…and moved out of the bay area. There’s a part of me that misses it, but the agoraphobe in me does not.

I once thought we were making so much progress in the area of equal rights, but the last few years have proven me wrong. We’re sliding inexorably backward. Our rights are under constant attack. Our young people feel threatened. Hate crime continues to be a problem, and in some areas, it is a worsening problem.

People are still being killed just because of what is or is not in their pants or how they dress/present themselves to the world.

People ask why we still need Pride.

Well, we need Pride for the 8-year-old who knows she’s a girl but was born with a penis whose parents will not acknowledge her gender. We need pride for the gay teenager who really wants to take his boyfriend to prom but is afraid they will get beaten up. We need Pride for the shy lesbian teens on their first date who are afraid to hold hands. We need Pride for the teacher who won’t put a picture on her desk of her family, because she might lose her job if people knew that her spouse was a wife and not a husband.

Have we come a long way since the fifties? Sure, but our progress has not just stalled, it has started to slide backward in a lot of ways and there is still such a long, long way to go.

We are not done. The fight is not over. Stay strong, my friends, and battle on.

Happy Monday, and Happy Pride, Readers. May this week bring you a multitude of blessings.

Photo by Jiroe (Matia Rengel) on Unsplash

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the blood witch cometh

This morning, I signed the contract for the first book in the Blood Witch saga with my publisher. This means that Thána and friends will be coming your way before the year is out. As always, I’ll be looking for advance readers who would like to read and review the book.

I spent a good chunk of the weekend going over and polishing up book 2 and will be doing the same with book 3 soon. And then, I get to return to book 4.

I hope, as we grow closer to a release to tease with some character introductions, as I’ve done in the past. In the first book that will be Thána and her transgender incubus friend Cambious as the two primary characters. I may do a few shorts on some of the intriguing side characters as well.

Also on my immediate horizon is Star Wars Celebration in Anaheim. I’m absolutely terrified, but also excited. I scored a photo/auto op with Ewan MacGregor! But terrified. Thankfully, they seem to have a good ADA set up with quiet rooms and the like and I should be able to get both me and the nibling ADA access, giving my brother carer access, so that should make things easier.

On that note, my coffee is almost gone, my cats are yelling at me for treats, and the day job awaits, so I’m off into the Tuesday. I hope it is good for you, Readers!

Photo by MaddiesCreation on Unsplash

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on war, religion, and faith

I am not a religious person. What I believe doesn’t fit into neat little boxes, or for that matter, a church pew. I am, however, a student of religion because religion shapes our world.

Notice I say religion, not faith. The two can be mutually exclusive. Religion seeks to subjugate, control. Faith is freedom, or it can be. I guess it depends on where you put your faith.

Today, three of the biggest religions are celebrating holy days. I know people of all three religions, all three faiths. They live their faith daily. It is part of who they are and their faith is beautiful. Their religions? Not so much, in my opinion.

Why is that? I think it’s because faith is an individual thing. It lives in a person’s heart. Religion, on the other hand, is a man-made expression of what a group of men said they believed thousands of years ago, modified and codified and made rigid by human beings who maybe started with the best of intentions, then discovered the money and power available to them through the enforcing of said religion.

I don’t begrudge anyone their faith. Believe what is in your heart to believe. I have no desire to stop you.

So, where does the war part come in?

It’s no secret that religion has been used to justify war for centuries and it continues today. Right here in the US there is a concerted religious war on LGBTQ+ folks, on a woman’s right to control her body and on critical thinking. Around the world, religious groups attack other religious groups as they have done since the beginning of time.

And perhaps most jarring to me at this moment in time is the time and money that will be spent in religious celebration while men, women, and children are under siege by a megalomaniac. Not that I expect us all to sit and wring our hands all day every day over what is happening in Ukraine, not at all.

However, it might be nice if those religious leaders would stop praising the megalomaniac, and lead their congregations in support of those fleeing the violence.

Happy Easter/Passover/Ramadan, if you celebrate, Readers. Please keep Ukraine in your thoughts and remember that Kindness Matters.

Photo by Austrian National Library on Unsplash

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the Harry Potter problem

I have a troubled relationship with Harry Potter. On the one hand, I love the magical world and all of the people who occupy it. On the other hand, there’s the world’s creator, who has shown herself to be…well, a terrible person.

Yesterday, I watched the reunion special on HBO Max, because despite that woman and her TERF views, the movies have been a big source of comfort in my life. I watch them when I need something familiar and yet not real, I can immerse myself in that world and forget the real world exists.

However, I am very aware of her problematic, and vocal, opposition to the notion that transwomen are women. As a part of the LGBTQA+ community, and as someone with transgender family and friends, I simply can’t abide those who would punch down at an already marginalized group of people.

I will never understand how having a penis or not having a penis matters to anyone other than the owner of said penis.

Oh, my, I think I’m getting derailed. Back to Harry Potter…

For the most part, the reunion was a lovely trip back in time, and we get to watch those kids grow up and become amazing actors. I’ll admit to crying when they memorialized those who had died since they were at Hogwarts…to be fair, I was pretty weepy anyway for some reason. Watching them talk about what the movies meant to them, how they became the characters, and what they took away from the experience was moving.

And then there were those clips of her. I mean, sure, she created this world for us to enjoy, but I think I’ve come to a place where the books belong to her, but the movies have a life outside of her, so it felt odd to have her there, even if the clips were from 2019.

I refuse to give up the movies because of her, much as I refuse to give up Buffy because Joss turned out to be an asshole. She can have the books. However, I will not spend another penny on merchandise that will continue to fill her pockets.

Fancy a trip to Hogwarts, Readers? I think I do. It’s a cold day here, perfect for cuddling kitties, drinking tea, and curling up under the electric blanket with some magic on the television. It’s the last day of vacation as well, so I aim to relax. Tomorrow it’s back to work.

Photo by Artem Maltsev on Unsplash

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travel in the time of COVID

One week from today, I will be in Denver, CO for a convention unlike most others I have ever attended. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t anxious about the travel and the collection of people in small rooms. Sure, I’ll double mask on the plane and the con has good COVID practices in place (everyone must be vaxxed and have a negative COVID test for starters), but my only experience with “crowds” was in August this year, and there were only twelve of us.

I considered not going. Several times. However, Sirens is a place that feeds my soul, and if I’m honest, my soul has been sorely in need of feeding.

Sirens is a place where we get to explore the world of speculative fiction (sci-fi, horror, fantasy, etc) through the lens of voices that are not considered “traditional” in that space. By which, I mean: women, BIPOC, LGBTQ+, etc. (Reminder that this year’s anthology, “Villains and Vengeance” is available now!)

It’s part reader’s conference, part writer’s retreat and part networking weekend. This will be my third time at Sirens.

Of course my COVID anxiety is only just part of my anxiety, because there is also the uncertainty of travel, particularly since I am flying Southwest, and my agoraphobia, which has only gotten worse since the start of COVID. I have the advantage of a) flying an airline I know well, out of airports I know well; b) the con hotel is also familiar; c) FRIENDS.

I think having friends who know/understand my *stuff* is my biggest coping mechanism. It provides a safe space when there is no safe space. I anticipate a need for a lot of hermiting time when I get back.

For now, though, Readers, I have a few hours before I have to start the day job and my coffee is fresh and hot. I think that means it’s time to write. Happy Friday!

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national coming out day

Today is October eleventh and has been designated National Coming Out Day, a day to celebrate the diversity of life and the idea that we are all welcome in the world.

Of course, there are still many, many places in the world, and even here in the good ole USofA, where being open about who and how you love is not a safe thing to do. Far too many.

I have a lot of friends in the LGBTQ+ community who have been bullied, thrown out of their homes, lost their children in custody battles, or worse. We need only look at the numbers of transgender murder victims to know that it isn’t always safe.

I have been noticing just recently how many of the TV shows I watch have incorporated LGBTQ+ characters as “normal” characters. They’re not there to be the victim or the perpetrator, they are actual integral parts of the story. Notable for me of late are Leverage Redemption, who has a young lesbian of color and also has several story lines with gay people involved, Law and Order SVU, who had a young detective who was a lesbian and Law and Order Organized Crime, which has a police sergeant who is a married lesbian.

This is our way forward. We need to be seen as a part of the whole. We need to be visible in ways that extend beyond pride parades.

One day, I hope we no longer need a National Coming Out Day. I hope that we can just be who we are without needing to justify ourselves or protect ourselves from those that would deny us our rights.

In the meantime, I’m Natalie and I am bi/pansexual (I haven’t decided between the terms, but lean toward pan).

And you are loved.

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do we still need pride in 2021

In any “normal” year, I would already be hard at work on the site of the SF Pride celebration, working with my team to deploy donation buckets out to the groups that man our gates to collect money from Pride goers.

That money goes into helping to keep Pride running, as well as giving grants to the non-profit organizations who send us their volunteers to do the job. It’s a job I’ve been doing in one capacity or another for the last…I don’t know anymore? Fifteen years?

You might think that it’s an odd job choice for someone with agoraphobia, and you’d be correct. It is. However, I learned early on in my battle against the irrational fear that having a job to do, having people who count on me to do that job, goes a long way in pushing the fear back.

When I first started working Pride with the Pagan Alliance all those years ago, I started off volunteering to supervise PA volunteers, but the Pride Donations department was just starting up a program to have coordinators who worked behind the scenes and I tossed my hat into the ring. Since then, I’ve been part of the team that did the work.

It provides me with a safe space when the crowds are overwhelming, and a task that needs doing to allow me the push I need to conquer the fear…or at least keep it at bay. It helps that it also includes a golf cart for part of the day, which affords me a little bubble of space around me.

All of that said, this is our second year without the event due to this damn pandemic. It just isn’t safe to cram that many people into that space, even now…even here in California where our numbers are way down.

I’ve heard a lot lately about why we still need Pride. We need Pride so that our community knows that we have their back. We need Pride because our transgender siblings are still being murdered at an alarming rate. We need Pride because our people are still facing discrimination in jobs, housing and even just in shopping. We need Pride because we need to lift each other up and help each other along.

In recent years we’ve started to realize just how many LGBTQA+ folks exist in this world, and it’s a lot more than we used to believe. I have a large number of non-binary and ace friends and family that ten years ago would not have felt safe to be who they are in the open…or even realized that there was a name for what they were feeling. I have transgender friends and family that have “come out” in the last five years, who are finally starting to feel that there is a place in this world where they don’t have to pretend.

So when will it be enough to not need a big gay celebration and parade? Never. It will never be “enough”. We should always celebrate who we are.

May this Pride weekend be filled with love and appreciation for who you are, Reader. May you feel safe to live your truth out and proud. May you make space for others to do the same. I love you all!

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I see you

Today is Transgender Visibility Day. For those who are not surrounded by the diversity of humanity, this may seem trivial. Some may even be offended by the recognition given to those that they consider wrong or broken or defective.

The truth is, someone you know is likely either hiding who they are or “passing” and you don’t have a clue. How do I know this? Well, because as we move closer to acceptance of people as they are, and safety in numbers begins to make folks feel safer, more and more are feeling comfortable enough to say that they are trans or non-binary.

In the last year alone I have had at least five people that I know say that they were non-binary and more than a few who came out as transgender.

Still, there continue to be an inordinate amount of violent deaths involving transgender people. According to the Human Rights Campaign, at least 12 transgender people have been killed in 2021.

I have family who is transgendered and non-binary. I have close friends I consider family who are transgender and non-binary. I encounter people daily who are one or the other. Well, not so much right now seeing as I’m not leaving my house daily.

So, what do you need to know about these folks?

  1. They’re just people. They aren’t sick. They aren’t deranged. Just folks going through life the best they can.
  2. It’s none of your business what is or isn’t between their legs. Even if you’re sharing a bathroom with them.
  3. They don’t have to “pass” for their identity to be valid. A non-binary person does not owe you androgyny. A transwoman does not owe you perfect beauty (whatever that is). A transman does not owe you top surgery or binding of his breasts.
  4. When in doubt about someone’s identity, use they/them pronouns. It’s a perfectly acceptable non-gendered way of speaking about someone. Yes, even a singular person. We’ve been using a singular they in English for centuries in certain contexts.
  5. Just be kind. Let them be who they are. Don’t try to force them into some pre-conceived notion of who you think they should be. Let them pee in peace. Let them play sports.

To all of you who identify somewhere on the gender spectrum that is not either of the cardinal points: I see you. I love you. You are safe with me.

And now I’m off to the day job…right after I finish my coffee. Love to you, Readers!

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thinky thoughts Thursday

I have had a number of thinky thoughts swirling in my head this week, ranging from ideas about gardening as a metaphor for living to notions about gun control, the medical industry, the fact that medicine IS an industry, the right to live, transgender children and so much more.

None of them have tumbled out whole yet though, so maybe I’ll just swirl them around a bit more.

While I do that, lets do a little navel gazing, shall we?

As an author, I like to pay attention to things being said in the world of books, from buzz about new or upcoming releases, new authors making their debut, books that are “banned” or panned or otherwise talked about.

And, as a fairly liberal minded soul seeking genuine equality/equity, but also understanding that we continue to evolve as a society, I am open to reinterpreting old ways to eliminate or preface things that we now see as troubling or problematic.

So, I support Disney prefacing movies with notes about the climate in which they were created, and not letting children just consume a movie that might have problematic content without engaging parents in the conversation.

And I support a publisher’s decision to pull books from publication due to problematic/racist depictions, even if the author is much beloved. As we have seen a lot in recent years, even people who we adore are not perfect.

So, it is with Dr. Seuss. He wasn’t the perfect children’s author we want him to be. He was a man of his times, and those times and his beliefs colored the work he did. The books that his estate has chosen to stop publishing are still available, if you can find them. They never were big hits, so I imagine even before they stopped producing them they were not easy to locate.

We do have to face the dilemma of what to do with problem people when we love their work, but can not abide something about them. How do you separate the love of all things Harry Potter and the anti-trans stance of the author? How do you continue to hold on to the love of Buffy the Vampire Slayer when you discover that the creator is an abusive asshole? How do you hold onto childhood memories with affection when you discover that Dr. Seuss, Laura Ingalls Wilder and others were racist?

I guess that’s something we each have to decide for ourselves.

Photo by Juan Rumimpunu on Unsplash