Tag: kindness matters

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kindness matters

One of the best things in the whole world, for me anyway, is giving to those who have nothing, no way to repay a kindness. Sometimes this takes the form of buying breakfast for an unhoused person, sometimes it’s five bucks to get someone home on the train.

When I’m feeling down, I seek out someone who needs something I can provide. But it is important to me that I don’t just hand them a cup of coffee. That isn’t where the kindness lives. It lives in listening to their stories, in letting them talk if they want to. It’s in sitting on a curb sipping coffee with them.

Yesterday, my mother and I spent the day putting together care packages for the homeless. We got a hygiene kit together (toothbrush/paste, wet wipes, hand sanitizer, lip balm, etc), added a hat and gloves, a pair of socks, then we packed some food in. A mandarin orange, peanut butter sandwich, some crackers, cookies, trail mix, and some holiday cheer in the form of candy.

We ended up with twenty care packages that are currently in my car. On my way home, I stopped twice to hand out bags to two gentlemen I see fairly regularly. One of them wanted to give me something in return. He was sweet, and told me a long, rambling story of how he got the piece he was giving to me, and how special it is. Doesn’t matter that it’s just a bit of plastic that broke off of some decorative thing. It was about him feeling like he had something to give me in return.

Today, Mom and I are taking the packages to an encampment of homeless folks, along with some blankets. It is starting to be cold here, especially at night, and while we don’t get snow and all that, the cold can still be deadly.

Kindness matters. Spread some around.

Photo by Adam Nemeroff on Unsplash

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my heart is held together with duct tape

Grief is a curious thing. We each manage it differently and it affects us all in unique to us ways. All my life, in trauma situations, my reaction is to push all emotion aside and deal with what needs to get done. I think it comes from a combination of places, including learning at a very young age that if something needs doing you do it, because no one else will do it for you.

But it’s also a part of my “Virgo-ness” and my intense need to help others.

I’m not saying I haven’t had my emotional moments since Dad’s passing. When I first heard, I broke down in a way I seldom have. There were sobs and for a while, I couldn’t breathe. My knees hit the floor once I’d called my brother to tell him. I teared up at the memorial, talking about him. There have been a few things that remind me of him that had me welling up.

But by and large, I haven’t really “let it all out” and I’m not sure when or if I will. There is still so much to do and I worry about never finding my way back to an even keel if I let go.

My focus these days is on taking care of my stepmother. I can apply logic and thinking to the problems presented by taking care of an Alzheimer’s patient from afar and dealing with her finances, her day-to-day needs, and all of that.

I know I need to open up to the emotion of it all, I just don’t know if I can. At least not while I have stuff to do. I’m at an age where the generation before me is starting to go. I’ve already lost a few family and friends in that generation and I know that there will be more to come.

Right now my heart is held together with duct tape so that the grief doesn’t come flooding out and fill my body. The problem with that is I’m running in constant fight or flight mode whenever I’m not just disassociating and pretending not to exist.

It’s exhausting. I’m headed to Nashville on Sunday though, taking myself on a journey to joy and my happy place: live music.

Maybe it will help. I guess we’ll see.

Remember Kindness this holiday season, Readers. You never know what private grief is hidden behind that stranger’s face. And if you haven’t yet, pick up The Blood Witch Saga. Leave a review. That’d be a great holiday gift to this author.

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hope rises with the sun

The world is a hot mess right now, and I have to admit that it is eating up a lot of my brain power and making me want to just hide in my safe little sanctuary until it sorts itself out. We’re still dealing with a pandemic, we’ve got monkeypox on the rise, new cases of polio (which we thought we had irradiated), some new virus in China…we’ve got war in Ukraine, a former president who appears to have committed even more crime than we thought, his supporters taking guns to the FBI and calling for civil war (let alone just plain murder of agents). We’ve got Israel pounding Palestine, civilians being killed the world over, continuing gun violence here in the US and a congress who seems to have forgotten they’re supposed to work for us.

It’s a lot, and some days it’s more than I can wrap my head around. Other days, I’m wallowing in it, which isn’t good for anyone.

Still, there is beauty and kindness in this world, we just have to dig a little deeper to find it these days. The sun still rises, the rain still falls (though most of the world really needs more of that), the flowers still open up and people still do good things for one another.

And when you can’t find that kindness around you, the best way to look for it is to be that kindness. It doesn’t have to be a big gesture or cost you a fortune. It can just be the little things, the smile for a stranger, a kind word to someone you pass in the street or stand behind in line. It can be the cup of coffee you bring a coworker who is having a hard time, or the lunch tab you pick up for a friend.

Hope rises above despair, but it needs our help. Find a moment today to hope for something. Bring kindness into the world.

Happy Sunday, Readers. May it bring you peace.

Photo by todd kent on Unsplash

By the way, have you picked up your copy of Thanátou yet?

Thanátou
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on war, religion, and faith

I am not a religious person. What I believe doesn’t fit into neat little boxes, or for that matter, a church pew. I am, however, a student of religion because religion shapes our world.

Notice I say religion, not faith. The two can be mutually exclusive. Religion seeks to subjugate, control. Faith is freedom, or it can be. I guess it depends on where you put your faith.

Today, three of the biggest religions are celebrating holy days. I know people of all three religions, all three faiths. They live their faith daily. It is part of who they are and their faith is beautiful. Their religions? Not so much, in my opinion.

Why is that? I think it’s because faith is an individual thing. It lives in a person’s heart. Religion, on the other hand, is a man-made expression of what a group of men said they believed thousands of years ago, modified and codified and made rigid by human beings who maybe started with the best of intentions, then discovered the money and power available to them through the enforcing of said religion.

I don’t begrudge anyone their faith. Believe what is in your heart to believe. I have no desire to stop you.

So, where does the war part come in?

It’s no secret that religion has been used to justify war for centuries and it continues today. Right here in the US there is a concerted religious war on LGBTQ+ folks, on a woman’s right to control her body and on critical thinking. Around the world, religious groups attack other religious groups as they have done since the beginning of time.

And perhaps most jarring to me at this moment in time is the time and money that will be spent in religious celebration while men, women, and children are under siege by a megalomaniac. Not that I expect us all to sit and wring our hands all day every day over what is happening in Ukraine, not at all.

However, it might be nice if those religious leaders would stop praising the megalomaniac, and lead their congregations in support of those fleeing the violence.

Happy Easter/Passover/Ramadan, if you celebrate, Readers. Please keep Ukraine in your thoughts and remember that Kindness Matters.

Photo by Austrian National Library on Unsplash

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be the good

As I’ve been job hunting these last few weeks, I’ve made a point to look into companies that are doing the kind of work that benefits humanity. Being a tech writer with the ability to explore many different kinds of tech is a wonderful way to learn about new and innovative ways that people are trying to help, from climate change to using drones to deliver life saving medical supplies in times of need.

Sure, it is more likely I’ll end up at a more mundane sort of company that deals with data of some kind or advertising/product tech or the like because that is where my experience is, but exploring other options has been interesting.

Particularly in the world we occupy today. The news is filled with sad and angry situations, fueling the feelings of hopelessness and loneliness in many people. It can be hard to see that there are people out there working for the greater good of all.

I’ve always believed that to change the world we must change ourselves and how we interact with the world, and I still do, however sometimes we need something bigger than what we can do on our own. We need innovations that help us become better, not on an individual level, but as a society.

There is a lot of scary stuff happening in the world, but don’t let it bog you down in despair. Find the good and support it if you can. Be the good if you can’t find it.

The picture is from my recent trip to Austin. It reminds me of the beauty that exists, even in the heart of a bustling city, in a place bogged down by disease. Find that beauty today and hold on to it.

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the morning ritual

Human beings tend toward ritual, even if it is in an informal manner. Take for instance the morning coffee. There is a precise manner and order for arriving at a delicious, hot cup of coffee. For me, that ritual begins after my morning ablution.

And, because I’m owned by two cats, it includes their morning treat time too. For me, this looks something like:

  1. Put down a handful of treats for the kitties
  2. Fill the kettle
  3. Put the kettle on the burner and turn it on high.
  4. Rinse out the French Press and fill it with hot water
  5. **go do other morning ritual stuff while the water heats**
  6. Measure out beans into the grinder
  7. Grind
  8. Dump water out of French Press and add grounds
  9. Fill with water
  10. Let it brew
  11. Press
  12. Pour
  13. Savor

Most of this I do most mornings without really thinking about it. That’s part of the purpose of ritual, I suppose, to make things easy to do through repetition. But there is something very rewarding that comes when you narrow your focus, when you keep your mind and attention on what your hands are doing, rather than letting your mind wander off into the day ahead.

We all have little rituals, whether it’s making the coffee or the order in which we get dressed/undressed, or the way we get ready to leave the house or go to bed. Today, pick one of your daily rituals and be present in the motions, in the steps you take. Keep your thoughts centered on what you are doing and why. Make it purposeful and deliberate.

Either way, I hope your coffee is tasty, your day filled with kindness and your ritual fulfilling. I love you, Readers!

Photo by Rachel Brenner on Unsplash

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the day of mothers

Mother’s Day is ostensibly meant as a day that we recognize and honor our maternal figures, the people who gave birth to us, the people who wiped our butts and fed us, the people who cared for us when we were ill or injured. But motherhood is about a lot more than that, and it is something we often just take for granted.

I have never given birth to a child, but I have mothered many, from my brother’s kids to my friend’s kids, to my friends themselves. In many ways I have a mothering nature, despite not having kids of my own. I’m the organizer in my friend groups. I’m the one to organize the road trips, to make the hotel reservations. I’m the one who will drop everything to help a friend.

Sure, I do it because it helps me manage my anxiety, but also because I enjoy it. I love to give my friends the gift of my time and effort. I love knowing that some kind gesture I made to a child is remembered long after that child has grown, or that my planning has allowed my friends to relax and not stress during a trip or vacation.

There are many people in this world who have problematic relationships with the person who gave birth to them and days like today can be hard for them. There are many people who long to be mothers but can not conceive or carry to term and today can be hard for them as well.

For all of them, I wish peace and kindness on this day.

Please be mindful when spreading Mother’s Day greetings today. Not all female presenting women are mothers or desire to be mothers. Others are hurting as another Mother’s Day passes without children.

Be Kind, Readers. And be loved.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

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put a little love in your heart

My faith in humanity has been sorely damaged in 2020. I try to believe that people are inherently good, that for the most part we would all do what we can to spare others pain, illness or death. Here lately though, I’m finding it hard to hold on to that belief.

For the last twenty years or so, the guiding force of my life has been kindness, unconditional love for my fellow man. I believe that it is my duty to help care for others, to at the very least not be the cause of their pain.

I look around me at the world and I can’t understand where the absolute disregard for others comes from. How do you reach adulthood without some semblance of compassion?

Where does the fury come from? How is this who we are as a country? As we slink closer to 300,000 people dead from a virus that we can control, why are we not doing it? Why is the outrage about measures to control it rather than about the number of American citizens are dead and dying? How many deaths will it take for us to realize that the simple steps of wearing a mask in the presence of others, keep yourself distant from others, stay home if you can are not evil machinations attempting to rob you of your civil liberty.

They are meant to save lives! If you can not wear a mask, for real or imaginary reasons, most places that require one will do no-touch curb side delivery. Just order online, drive up and get what you need put into your trunk.

There is no need to demand to enter a building of any kind without your mask. There is no need to harass store employees, or threaten them with a bad interpretation of what the ADA actually is. These are people who are working minimum wage jobs that put them in a very high risk category for catching this virus. They are there to help you.

My heart weeps. Please put a little love in your heart. Save lives.

Cover Photo by Aung Soe Min on Unsplash

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the writing part of writing

Being an author is an odd sort of thing, I suppose, especially to those who are not *people who write* and especially not for those who also do not read. I was a voracious reader as a child. I absorbed words like a sponge. Stories were vehicles that transported me out of my bedroom and into worlds larger than any one mind can conceive.

Maybe it was inevitable that I would pick up a pen and start writing. I wanted in on that magic! I loved creating new worlds, new characters. I wrote science fiction, fantasy, and poetry. I tried my hand at mystery and romance. I studied and tried to emulate my favorite authors. I wanted my prose to be lush and invigorating. I wanted the worlds in my stories to come to life.

For that to happen, I learned, the author needs to spend a good amount of time prior to words hitting the paper. There is world building to do. There are characters to build out so that they are realistic and not just cardboard cut outs. There is plot to invent, stretch, turn, twist and resolve. Inevitably, that plot has holes that need to be filled.

And all of that comes either before or during the actual writing part of the writing process. Okay, sometimes after the first draft is done.

I can spend months (or longer) doing all the stuff that happens in my head before I start writing. My muse loves world building more than anything, so the worlds I see in my head are amazing landscapes of complex societies that I can only hope I capture as I begin to write.

This last weekend saw over ten thousand new words in the second Blood Witch book, signaling an end of the mental block 2020 clamped on my muse and ushering in the period where the words begin to spill from my fingers. It’s the part of the writing process that wants to just devour my life. The story spins out in my head faster than my fingers can translate it to the page, and I am best able in this phase to tune out my inner editor and just get it down.

I maybe feel the most like myself when I’m doing the writing part of writing. Unfortunately for me, today is Monday…and that means a return to the day job, so more word craft will need to wait, though I am hoping to get through this scene before I open the work computer.

I hope you are safe and sane, Readers, and that your week is filled with magic and kindness.

Cover Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

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questions and curfews

You know how some days your coffee tastes extra good? Today is like that. Mmmm, coffee.

In other news, California is going into a partial lockdown this weekend in an effort to curb the spread of Covid-19, which is to say that the governor issued a curfew curtailing public outings and/or gatherings between the hours of 10 pm and 5 am.

I have questions.

How much gathering and outings are happening during those hours?
Is the virus only contagious during those hours?
With the list of exceptions, what is it we’re actually not allowed to do?
Who is picking up prescriptions after 10 pm?
Who is picking up dinner at a restaurant after 10 pm?

As an agoraphobic introvert, I don’t understand why just staying home is such a problem for so many. I mean, I realize I’m in a minority here and that other people need human contact a whole lot more than I do, but with the idea that going out into the world might mean death for you, or a loved one, how is that choice hard?

In yet other news, being up super early means I get some extra writing time today. Coupled with the extra good tasting coffee, this news makes me happy. It’s the little things, you know?

Happy Friday, Readers. Stay safe. Wear your mask if you have to go out. Stay home if you can. Wash your hands. Be kind, especially now. Kindness matters.