Ever feel like your just stuck in a rut? Or just stuck, minus the rut? I’ve been feeling that a lot lately. Like my life has become this endless routine, and I’m trapped inside it by all of my anxieties and even by my own nature.
It doesn’t help that my day job can get a bit cyclical feeling. And money’s been tight, so I can’t really break up the monotony with a day out or a weekend away. And with my diet as curtailed as it is at the moment, and in reality for the next six months or so will likely be, it makes going out with friends more difficult than it usually is.
It isn’t even like I don’t have enough to do right here at home. Knowing I am going to be recovering from surgery, I’m attempting to get my house as straightened up as I can, to make things easier. I have plenty to do.
Sometimes, when I start to feel this way, I start to think about ways my life could have been different…if I’d decided to get married or have kids…taken a more traditional route with my life. And I won’t lie, it’s been on my mind with the surgery coming up and with having helped my mother clean up the detritus of her husband’s life last year…what am I leaving behind? Who is going to be there when it’s over to clean up whatever I leave, inherit whatever is left?
But really, when I think about it, I have no regrets. I’ve lived a life I can be proud of, and I am very happy with it. If this is the middle part of my life, I can only hope that whatever comes next will bring joy and peace and the sense of fulfillment that life up to fifty has enjoyed.
Happy Saturday, Readers!