mothersday – Natalie J. Case

Mother’s Day is ostensibly meant as a day that we recognize and honor our maternal figures, the people who gave birth to us, the people who wiped our butts and fed us, the people who cared for us when we were ill or injured. But motherhood is about a lot more than that, and it is something we often just take for granted.

I have never given birth to a child, but I have mothered many, from my brother’s kids to my friend’s kids, to my friends themselves. In many ways I have a mothering nature, despite not having kids of my own. I’m the organizer in my friend groups. I’m the one to organize the road trips, to make the hotel reservations. I’m the one who will drop everything to help a friend.

Sure, I do it because it helps me manage my anxiety, but also because I enjoy it. I love to give my friends the gift of my time and effort. I love knowing that some kind gesture I made to a child is remembered long after that child has grown, or that my planning has allowed my friends to relax and not stress during a trip or vacation.

There are many people in this world who have problematic relationships with the person who gave birth to them and days like today can be hard for them. There are many people who long to be mothers but can not conceive or carry to term and today can be hard for them as well.

For all of them, I wish peace and kindness on this day.

Please be mindful when spreading Mother’s Day greetings today. Not all female presenting women are mothers or desire to be mothers. Others are hurting as another Mother’s Day passes without children.

Be Kind, Readers. And be loved.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

I am childless by choice. When I was younger I thought I wanted a big family, with lots of kids. Then I thought I only wanted one. I even took a few steps toward making it happen. But in the end, I eventually realized that I did not need a child born from my body to fulfill some societal construction of being a woman.

Which isn’t to say that I haven’t been a mother. In the years when my two nieces were young, I lived with my brother and his wife and I helped parent two amazing people. I showered all of my mothering on them, and they turned out to be beautiful young adults.

I’m not knocking those who chose to give birth. I think it’s a beautiful thing. I stand in awe of mothers everyday. I know my own mother is a super-hero in my eyes. Always has been. My parents split when I was 11, and my mother had primary custody.

Divorce is always ugly for the kids, even when the parents do their best to shield them from the acrimony. I was old enough to see it all, and while I thought I knew what was going on, I can see looking back that I didn’t understand it all.

But, life after the break up was tough. My mother did her best though, and she loved us fiercely. I learned a lot of life skills from her. I learned compassion and sacrifice from her.

I didn’t need to give birth to understand motherhood. I didn’t need an infant in my arms to know unconditional love. I chose to give my mothering to those in need, from my nieces, to the homeless, from pets to families struggling with poverty around the globe. These are my children, and I could never love them as I do without learning that love from my own mother.

So, happy Mother’s Day, to my mother, my sister-in-law, all of you who mother, whether your own child or others who need you. The choices we make define us. Choose love first.

Tag: mothersday

the day of mothers

the choices we make