Tag: life

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life, writing, and muddling through

It feels trivial somehow to talk about the mundane aspects of a mundane life when around the world people are suffering and dying in zones of war, bombs falling from the sky, buildings reduced to rubble and scared populations huddle in the dark or flee desperately to foreign lands.

At the same time, for those of us not in that immediate situation, life continues at its regular, mundane pace and so we go on.

In writing news, The Daughters of Morru is now available over on my Patreon page for all Patrons at the Enablers tier ($3 /month) and up. Chapters are posted every Sunday. So far three chapters are available.

I continue in my quest to write a poem per day, with first access to those available on either my Patreon page (for all Patrons $1 and up) and my Ko-Fi page (for all supporters, even 1 time donors). So far I’ve only missed one day, due to an accident that left me a bit concussed and rendered my muse mute.

I continue to settle into the new place, getting a little more comfortable every day. I now have an actual kitchen table and chairs, which I haven’t had in close to ten years. I’m almost feeling like a proper grown up!

I’m hoping my Death Wish Coffee order shows up soon, or I may have to resort to Starbucks this week! Fortunately, there’s a Starbucks walking distance from my house…I just need to find my make up to cover up my bruised up face (I look like someone punched me right between my eyes).

But, it’s almost time to start the day job and I still have today’s poem to write, so I shall leave you to your Tuesday, Readers. I hope it is filled with kindness and good things!

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a reminder that freedom isn’t free

In the last two years, we’ve heard a lot of people yelling about their freedom and comparing masks and vaccines to nazi Germany. This week, we have had a glaring example of how absurd that actually is.

While the US and Canada are mired under protests about mandates designed to protect the public health, Ukrainians have had to step up to fight for their actual freedom…the freedom to live under their democratically elected government. They have been forced to flee or take up arms against a country so much larger than their own who seems intent on annihilating them.

I see people in the US declaring that this is why we need AK rifles to be available to everyone, completely missing the fact that a) we aren’t at war and b) we are not imminently under the threat of invasion. The Ukrainian government armed its people to defend themselves against Russia.

Automatic weapons have no place outside of war. They have no purpose other than to kill.

We are watching a nation stand up and fight back under nearly hopeless odds. The ingenuity and strength of the Ukrainian people are an inspiration. And still, here at home, we have people whining that being told to put a piece of cloth over their face to protect others is a violation of their “freedom”…and many of them are the same people who are saying that they would defend their neighbors with their guns if the need arose.

And they can not see the irony there.

Freedom isn’t free. It is predicated on a number of principles, including the idea that we must protect our citizens, even from ourselves, especially in a time of crisis.

I hear that the Ukrainians are open to volunteer militias coming to aid them. Maybe some of our right-wing militias should head over, prove they’re actually willing to do the work of defending the freedom that they keep declaring. But, if you’re going, make sure you’re not carrying a deadly virus with you so you don’t kill those you are there to defend.

Meanwhile, I’ll keep my mask on in public to protect those here at home from the same.

I hope your Sunday is filled with kindness and joy, dearest Readers, and that peace comes sooner, rather than later.

Photo by Eugene on Unsplash

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dream a little dream

Have you ever woken up with your heart racing, sweat on your forehead, and anxiety riding you out of some nightmare that you can’t recall anything about? That was how today started. For the life of me, I have no idea what I was dreaming, but I woke up feeling like something or someone was trying to kill me.

I’ve always been a vivid dreamer, even as a kid, so when I get nightmares, they’re usually just as vivid and they stick with me for days. Just not today.

When I was around 8 through my mid-teens, I had a recurring nightmare about a vampire and my neighbor’s basement. To this day I can remember it vividly. Later my nightmares turned to more mundane fare, with stuff like missed deadlines and having my money stolen and friends betraying me.

Some of that feeds on my imposter syndrome and my weird social hang ups. The rest I chalk up to stress usually. Not sure what was driving whatever dream I had to wake up like that, as most of my stress from the move has died down and I’m pretty happy at the moment.

The subconscious is such a weird and wonderful place, and I rely on it as an author to bring my ideas to life, at least within my head. Without that, I’m not sure I would have all of these delicious stories and characters to write about.

Well, Readers, it’s Saturday and I promised myself some writing time before I get busy with the chores list, so I should finish up this coffee and get to it. Have a great weekend!

Photo by Raul Guilherme on Unsplash

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#amwriting

Sunday, Sunday…this week Sunday means writing, cleaning, and packing/moving boxes to clean. Oh, and refreshing my hair color. I’m trying a slightly darker green this time. Sunday is also the day I watch paranormal type shows. I’m currently binging on Ghost Hunters Classic on Discovery.

I’m working on the zero draft of a book I didn’t know I was writing, a fourth book in the Blood Witch Saga. I didn’t know there was a fourth until I wrote the epilogue of book 3.

Still working on finding a new house to move to. I’ve seen a couple that I really loved, but the last one went to a veteran and his family, and the landlady in the other is taking her sweet time to decide.

I hate this part, the search and what feels like begging for a home.

I have tomorrow off for MLK Jr. day, so I’ll get a little extra writing time this week, which is always nice. I have a vague idea where this story is going, a few plot points along the way and I know (mostly) how it ends. This is the part of writing that I love the most, feeling my way through the plot, building new worlds, creating new characters.

I should get up and get busy with stuff that doesn’t include the computer. There are boxes to move and floors to be cleaned, etc.

Hope your day is awesome, Readers!

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brain monkeys

Sometimes, inspiration is hard to come by, and the imposter syndrome looms large. As I stare into this year with a big move on the immediate horizon and the terrifying prospect of searching for literary representation battling my desire to take my writing career in a forward direction (versus just going with what I know is safe but nowhere near as satisfying), it would be easy to let it all overwhelm me.

I do my damndest to write every day, even if the words suck. Even if it’s only a hundred words or so. Every word written is a weapon against the dark.

As I was writing the Epilogue to the third Blood Witch book over the holidays, I was struck with the notion that there was more to the story, that this trilogy was actually a quartet. So, I started on book four.

As of right now, the plot is a bit nebulous: I know where it begins and I know where it ends, but the middle part remains something of a mystery.

I’ve never been a writer who plots it all out with an outline and all. I mostly let my characters tell me where the story goes, so I’m sometimes surprised.

I’ve been a bit paralyzed by fear in the search for representation. I know these books are kind of in a niche within a niche, which makes it harder, and I know that agents get a ridiculous number of queries, so no answer is not a comment on my work, but that does nothing to quiet the monkeys in my brain.

I think I’ve decided to wait to query anyone else until after the move. In the meantime, I will continue pouring words into book 4, and polishing books 2 & 3. I am pretty happy with book 1 and all of the plot editing is done for 2 & 3, at least until an editor gets their hands on them.

So, here’s to a Tuesday in January of 2022. May it be amazing, Readers, and filled with kindness.

Photo by Jamie Haughton on Unsplash

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ease on down

It’s been a hell of a year, hasn’t it?

On the one hand, it feels like 2021 flew by and I have no idea how we’re in the last week of the year. On the other hand, the events of January 2021 feel like they were two years ago, not one.

A lot changed for me this year.

I got laid off of a job I was enjoying, but which didn’t pay me well. I struggled financially to the point of needing to be bailed out by friends. I applied for, and received, rent relief from the California government (though it took forever). I started a new job on my birthday that I both love and that rewards me financially (and treats me like a grown up adult person). I finished writing two books and started querying with the first one in the series (still querying).

And here at the tail end of the year, I’ve made the decision to move closer to my family, now that I have a job that is permanently remote.

It seems somehow fitting to be at the end of the year and packing up my life. It gives me a chance to review all the steps that brought me here…to clear out what is no longer necessary and savor the things I love. Quite fitting for this time of year, I think.

I haven’t heard back yet on the house I want. The landlady made it clear when I applied that she’s “looking for the right tenant” so she is taking her time making the decision. I am still looking, but there were very few listings in the week leading up to Christmas, so I anticipate I should start seeing more listings next week.

In writing news this week, I wrote the epilogue for the third blood witch book, and it surprised me by leaving an opening for a fourth book…which I then wrote the first chapter for, so that’s a thing that is happening.

I have this whole week off from the day job, and I’m using it to both write and get myself packed up. It’s about time I got off the computer, cranked up some tunes, and got busy. Y’all take care, Readers, and ease on into 2022.

Photo by Eliza Diamond on Unsplash

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waiting for daylight

Some mornings, when I can’t sleep, I lay in bed and cuddle kitties while I ponder on some plot or world-building. Eventually, I will get up because the cats want their morning treats and I want coffee.

Today was one of those days. I’m not sure what woke me at 3:30 am, but once I was aware of being awake, I couldn’t go back to sleep. So, with Freya laying on my hip and Morrigan curled up beside me, I lay in bed and considered a few plot points that have been bugging me…at least until my bladder decided it needed my attention most immediately.

The cats have had their treats, and I’m tucked in with a cup of coffee and staring at words on a screen. I’m starting on my next edit pass on book 2, and down to the nitpicky details and minutiae, revving up descriptions of people and places and that sort of thing.

Book 1, meanwhile, has started back on the agent hunt. I’ve queried a few agents in the last few weeks and hang here awaiting responses. This is the part of writing that people who aren’t authors don’t understand, all the waiting and self-promotion (which I suck at).

In other book related news, Amazon has sabotaged my current publisher this week, declaring that they broke some KDP rule, and thus they have pulled all ebooks from that publisher for all of its authors (hundreds). We’re still working on getting this sorted out, but for the moment, ebooks are unavailable for any of my books.

So here I sit, sipping coffee and waiting for daylight when I will gather up my portion of the family dinner and some crochet project, and head out to the family. Between here and there I hope for some words, maybe some breakfast and more kitty cuddles. It isn’t a bad way to start the day.

I hope this day is filled with kindness and love, Readers. Kindness and Love.

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finding gratitude and joy

We come to the time of year when we celebrate yet another problematic American holiday.

Growing up, we’re taught a very sanitized version of the history of the country we call home. We’re taught about the first Thanksgiving in a way that perpetuates the myth of how the white people who are my ancestors were helped by the “friendly” Native Americans as if it was all peaceful and they weren’t taking land that wasn’t theirs to take.

Needless to say, I have mixed feelings about the origins of the holiday, so I tend to focus on it being a day to spend with family and be thankful for the year…well, in normal years anyway.

In the last two years, it might seem hard to be thankful. With so much illness and death, the loss of jobs and livelihoods, the isolation of quarantine and lockdown. So much sorrow to dwell in.

I guess that’s the challenge this week; find all the good, the reasons for joy. Let’s celebrate those things in this week of gratitude. I can’t quite bring myself to celebrate the notion that I’m still here, not when over a quarter of a million of our population has died, but certainly, there are other things I can celebrate.

  1. I found a job that pays me well and suits my talents.
  2. I have begun shopping around my next novel, and the two sequels are in very good shape.
  3. I have approval to work remotely permanently. Pajama pants and hoodies all day every day.
  4. My family is, by and large, healthy.
  5. I am good at what I do and I love what I do.
  6. I have a stack of books to read, and time to read them.
  7. I have some of the most amazing friends in the world…all over the world.
  8. I have a gift for recognizing toxic people very quickly and have learned to disengage.
  9. Coffee. Forever and always.
  10. Fandom that isn’t toxic. I’ve largely withdrawn from most fandom arenas, but there is joy to be found in a fandom about that thing you love. Find it.

I hope this week brings you kindness and joy, gratitude and happiness. You are loved, Reader. Spread that around.

Photo by Rosie Kerr on Unsplash

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out of the fog

I started to write a post about Veterans Day, but got distracted by something and forgot. Story of my life these days. My attention span is not what it used to be.

However, I’m here now. There is a heavy fog laying over my town today. I love the way fog makes you feel isolated and insulated from the world at large. It feels almost magical, like almost anything could emerge from the fog.

I have this image in my head: Fog hides the modern world, and there are just glimpses of buildings or cars, then something stirs. He steps out of the fog. He is tall, his powerful legs covered in fur. The antlers on his head drip with condensation and moss. His beard is full, glistening with the moisture of the day. His hooves make no sound as he approaches and holds out his hand, inviting me to join him.

Not sure if that image will develop into an actual story or not, but it’s there in my head.

I’m writing/editing for a while today, but there are things to do! Places to go! The start of the holiday season has already begun here, with parking lots full and people running madly from store to store. Have they forgotten that the internet exists?

Ugh. I’m all over the place today. My head is spinning with stories and memories and a need for more coffee!

I’ll come back when I have some more cohesive thoughts.

Photo by Ricardo Gomez Angel on Unsplash

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does it matter that it’s Friday?

Happy Friday, Readers!  I meant to post earlier in the week, but I have actual, paying work at the moment, so my attention has been on that.

How are you coping?  I’ve had a few bad days, but between work on The Blood Witch and working in my container garden, I’ve found ways to keep my head up.  I hope you can say the same.

I’ve also been indulging in two of my favorite things, Star Wars and Supernatural.  I find it soothing to re-watch something I am so familiar with.

Today though I feel beat up and sore all over, probably from trying to do too much with very heavy stuff last night (ordered a bunch of soup and it all came in one box…like we’re talking 16 cans of soup. I’d have been better off taking a few cans out at a time, but no…like an idiot I tried to move the whole box).  I’m hoping a hot shower can help me feel a little better.

Aside from that, I’m going to try to finish up these edits I’m getting paid to do, if the website ever comes back up. Right now I’m just getting a blank page.  I assume no one in the support team is currently online.

And, maybe some work on the book.  Depends on how long my beat up body can tolerate the office chair.

I hope your Friday is filled with good things!  Remember, kindness matters.  Please be kind to yourself too.

Cover Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash