Tag: life

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finding my happy place

It’s been a hell of a year. I’ve struggled, I’ve persevered, I’ve almost given up. I’ve had my feet knocked out from under me, I’ve accomplished some amazing things, I’ve lost people I loved.

While I have worked at keeping my head up and my eyes on the horizon, it hasn’t been easy, and that’s saying something coming off of two years of lockdown. One of the great joys of my life has been denied to me through the pandemic, the joy of live music and photography.

I’ve been to a few gigs, but not nearly as many as I usually attend in a year, even if you add up all of 2020, 2021, and 2022!

So, it gives me great pleasure (and great anxiety) to be heading off to Nashville today to see the band Radio Company perform in their first public gig.

The show is tomorrow night, and I’m boarding a plane tonight at around 11:15pm, hopefully, to sleep my way across the country. With a brief layover in DC, I’ll arrive in Nashville somewhere around 10am, get an Uber to the hotel, and see if I can manage an early check-in.

I’m mostly solo this trip, though I know a few of the folks who will be at the gig. This is something that’s added to my anxiety. I don’t have my usual friend bubble to protect me when things get…tight. I do, however, have Xanax, so I should be okay.

I’m mostly packed, other than clothes, because I’m still deciding on clothes. I’m leaning toward a dress, boots, and stylish hat. Since I’m turning around and flying home on Tuesday afternoon, so I don’t need to bring much more, as I can wear the same clothes I travel to Nashville home from Nashville.

I have a little time to do some wandering around and souvenir/Christmas shop, but not a lot.

I’m just hoping to disconnect myself from the stress and emotional turmoil of the year and immerse myself in music and doing what I love.

I hope y’all have some fun planned for yourself during this season of much ado. And I hope your holidays are marvelous, dearest Readers.

Photo by Magnus Lunay on Unsplash

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helping hands

I’m sitting in my stepmother’s kitchen, sipping on some coffee and contemplating the day ahead. I have a bunch of notes to write up for the incoming caregiver and I need to get myself packed up so I can leave for the airport around 1pm, with a stop to fill up the gas tank on the rental.

Before I leave I will walk across the street to meet the neighbors who have been so very helpful to give them my gratitude. I’m thinking I’ll craft something for them once I’m home as a thank-you gift. Not sure what yet.

There is still a lot to be done, so I’m looking at another trip down, possibly in early January.

The Keurig coffee maker seems to be one of the successes of this trip, making her coffee easier now that she’s got the hang of it.

And we did get 5 days/week, 4 hours per day with an in-home caregiver set up, plus Mobile Meals delivery 5 days/week, getting coverage for all 7 days out of the mix. Someone will visit and talk with her every day of the week, except on holidays, and I don’t have to worry about her getting food and stuff regularly.

It was good to touch base with her medical support team. The only doctors I didn’t meet were the oncologist (I met the oncology surgeon and their staff) and the neurologist. I did however talk to all of them.

I recognize this is a stop-gap measure, and that we need to start looking at what comes next. I just don’t want to push her into big decisions this close to such a major trauma. If we can keep her stable through to next year, we can come together as a family to help her transition into assisted living and deal with the house and such.

Yesterday was less than stellar and my exhaustion is beginning to make itself known in a short temper and crankiness, so I think it’s good I’m headed home today. It takes some special people to deal day in and day out with Alzheimer’s patients. I am not that kind of special, at least not long term.

I am, however, grateful my father was as prepared as he was, even if there are odd gaps in that preparedness. And I am grateful for neighbors who care enough to help, friends from afar who call to check in, and all of the folks I’ve been leaning heavily on in the last weeks.

I’m looking forward to the next 3 days at home in my own space with my cats and my dog. I have housework to do and laundry and the mindless good of walking Athena.

Okay, one last cup of coffee before I get myself organized for the day. Happy Turkey day to those who celebrate. Save me a slice of pie!

Photo by Maya GM on Unsplash

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leaving on a jet plane

I’m headed back to Tucson in just over an hour. I’ll be gone for four days, coming home Thursday evening. On the agenda is a couple of doctor’s appointments with my step mother, getting her set up with in home care and dealing with some paperwork.

I’m also working three of those days, so that could be interesting.

In other news, I’ve seen the cover for the third Blood Witch book, and it is stunning like the first two! Still waiting on edits, but should have those soon enough. I’ve even managed a bit of writing this week!

I also got around to processing the pics I took when I was in Tucson last, at the procession for the Day of the Dead. You can find the whole set here.

My heart hurts to hear the news out of Colorado Springs this morning. I can not comprehend the level of hate required to walk into a crowded nightclub and open fire on a crowd of people just because they are not like you (I’m assuming here that early reports about it being a hate crime are true).

This will be the first Thanksgiving I’m not with my brother and family. Not entirely sure how I feel about that, if I’m honest. But it’s also the first holiday my step mother won’t have my father and it just feels right that I spend at least some of it with her.

On that note, I should finish my coffee, take out the trash, pack up the work computer and get dressed. Should probably eat something too. Long day will be long.

Be kind, Readers. Love with all of your heart.

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finding the new normal

Wow, I didn’t mean to go AWOL on y’all. The last few weeks have been crazy busy and filled with the kind of things no one wants to have to deal with. From my father’s death on the 17th of October through his Celebration of Life and on into figuring out what comes next, my mind has been occupied with all the steps I needed to take to help my stepmother and sort out the things my father left behind.

It’s strange, how much work it takes to wrap up a life, even one who was as meticulous about things as my father was. He set up a living trust, had reams of paperwork on his estate planning, yet there were a lot of weird things we need to sort.

One of those is their credit cards. Every single one is in both of their names, but only his SSN is associated, thus as soon as we report his death, my stepmother ends up without them and has to apply for her own, but because she really doesn’t have a large credit history, that ends up being less easy than it should be.

He left no *will* that spells out what to do with the little things, even though the living trust has room for that, and his only life insurance policy that we could find was for $1000.

Complicating matters is the fact that they live in Tucson, and I’m in California, as well as my stepmother’s advancing dementia. She recently got very, very lost, to the tune of 3 hours away from home, and I’m not sure what would have happened if I hadn’t called her while she was trying to get home.

So, I am headed back to Tucson in a week, hopefully to get her set up with some in-home health care, some meal delivery, and start the conversation about a more permanent solution. With any luck, that gets us safely through the end of the year, and we can start considering what comes next.

Whatever normal is, this isn’t it.

Hopefully, I’m on the right road to find it. Happy Monday, Readers! Be kind, be gracious and love one another (and while you’re at it make a will, add beneficiaries to your accounts, let your wishes be known).

Photo by Perfectus Photography & Design Co. on Unsplash

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when the veil is thin

Samhain seems a fitting time to be closing out a life, remembering a man who was strong and vibrant and saying goodbye. My relationship with my father was not always an easy one. We are both headstrong and opinionated, and when those opinions differed, things could get heated.

I had a period in my life where I blamed him for everything. I went years not spending time with him. Ultimately though, I grew up and realized that most of what I blamed him for wasn’t his fault at all.

I have spent a good chunk of the time between his passing and now looking at his life through music and pictures. There are a lot of memories tied up in music for me, and the images of his life remind me of how much I loved to see him laugh and smile.

I’m also reminded what a handsome fella he was back in the day.

My belief about what comes after this mortal life is a bit in flux, whether we come back to try again, or take our rest among those who came before…or whether we fade to black. I guess I’m more invested in what we do with this life than I am in some ethereal eternity. But I do hope that whatever it is, my old man is at peace.

I hope I can make him proud as we move through the Celebration of Life this weekend, and find our way out to the “new normal”…the one without him on the other end of a phone call.

Tomorrow morning I get on a plane and head back to Tucson to say goodbye. I anticipate a lot of tears and hugs and warm words from people I didn’t know, but my dad did. He was a gregarious guy and he made friends everywhere he went.

I’m going to miss him. A lot.

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family reunion of sorts

I’m in Tucson, Arizona for the weekend, visiting my father and his wife while my Uncle Paul, Aunt Agnes, Aunt Sue and cousin Zoe are also in town. I haven’t seen my aunts and uncle in at least twenty years.

There have been a lot of changes in my life since then, and theirs too. Yet it was surprising to find the dynamic has stayed the same as I remember it. I see a lot of the way my brother and I interact watching the three siblings.

It’s a strange thing seeing your elders as an adult, watching them change, age and struggle with illness. Both Dad and his wife have had cancer diagnoses in the last twelve months and they seem frailer than I ever remember. Yet, there’s humor. There’s joy. There’s the snarky family love I remember from my childhood.

It was also good to spend last yesterday evening with my very good friend, Lisa who I don’t get to see nearly enough. We just hung out, walked the puppy and talked for hours. It was great.

In puppy news, Athena is being a champ with this road trip. She played hard at the dog park yesterday and today. I was originally planning to stay through Monday, but I’m thinking that I’ll leave tomorrow afternoon, get a hotel in the LA area tomorrow night and finish the drive on Monday because that 14 hour drive is crazy making.

Right now, we’re hanging out at the hotel, drinking coffee and doing some edit work before heading over to Dad’s place later today. I hope this weekend is treating you well, Readers!

Photo by Frankie Lopez on Unsplash

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life in my world

Hey, Readers! Happy Saturday! I hope life is treating you well. I feel like a chew toy, but I guess that’s what happens when you bring a new puppy into your life. She’s been here a week and I’m a mess of scratches and bruises from playing with her.

Meet Athena

This is Athena! She’s a Pyrenees and Australian shepherd mix and just about 4 months old. She’s a bit timid but is starting to come out of her shell. So far she’s afraid of the stairs and walking on a leash, desperately wants the cats to be her friends (they are not so interested), and is learning sit and stay.

She’s had her first vet visit (she was terrified, but did very well) and went to my mother’s house to meet the family and their pets.

Needless to say, I’m completely in love with her!

Just got her settled down after morning playtime, so it’s editing/writing time. I’m deep into edits on Hêalic (The Blood Witch Saga Book 3) and have found what was missing in the plot for book 4 (as yet unnamed).

That’s all for now, Readers! Go out and initiate some kindness today!

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a time of remembrance

Today I am heading up to Oregon again, this time with my mother and her dog. The purpose of this trip is to bury my stepfather’s ashes in the Flory family cemetery. Bob died four years ago, though somehow that doesn’t seem possible. At the time, the family was scattered. We waited a few months to do a memorial, and his ashes, aside from what Mom had sealed in a small urn, went with one of his sons.

The intent was always to bring him to the plot to be with his family, but Covid came and plans got postponed.

So on Friday, we will gather with his increasingly smaller family to say final farewells.

As always when something like this is happening, it stirs up memories. Bob was a good man who loved my mother. My favorite memories are from when the kids were small and he just delighted in teaching them things. They weren’t always as delighted, if I recall, but he would light up.

Bob was a geologist by trade, and so as tribute, I rummaged my altar box for a stone or two to contribute to the grave site. I grabbed a large crystal point and a chunk of obsidian.

I still need to shower, load the dishwasher and pack the cooler before I load up the car, then off to gather Mom and Missy for the long drive north. I don’t really know Bob’s family well, and that has my anxiety up, but I want to be there for Mom.

On Saturday, we’re going to Crater Lake, so watch this space for photos.

And that’s all there is in the land of Natalie, at least for now. I hope your day is spectacular, Readers!

Photo by Preston Pownell on Unsplash

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sorry to disappear

It’s been a weird month filled with Covid, migraines, and a decided lack of writing. At least, any writing outside of the day job. Even after being mostly recovered from Covid, my days consisted of said day job and then vegetating on the couch because the fatigue hung on forever.

I’m only just getting to the point of having enough oomph at the end of the day to do stuff like cook actual meals and the like.

This largely means not having enough brain power to do much writing or editing since coming back from LA. However, this week I got Thanátou: The Blood Witch Saga Book 1 back from the editor, so this weekend I’ve been immersed back into the world of Thána and friends working through those edits and putting together a glossary of non-English words.

I haven’t yet seen any cover design options, but I look forward to seeing what Next Chapter comes up with. I have book 2 almost ready to submit as well.

I will likely do a number of character introduction posts as I did with the Shades and Shadows series as we get closer to release. I really do love these characters so much.

And I’m posting this at just after 3am because now that I’m past Covid fatigue, I find myself back in the world of insomnia. I dozed in and out for a few hours, but at 2am I decided to just get up and get back to editing.

It’s going to be a short work week, as I am taking my mother up to Oregon as the family finally comes together to put my stepfather’s ashes to rest in the private family cemetery up there. (Yes, four years later…no, I’m not sure why it took so long) But we also get to do a little photography wandering while we’re up there, so that should be good.

Okay, back to edits. Happy Sunday, Readers. I hope it’s a good one for you.

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covid sucks

A week ago, several days after returning from Star Wars Celebration, I tested positive for Covid. I’m still not fully well.

I was sick for days before testing positive. There were four negative tests before the positive one. The first few days I felt like I was coming down with a cold. My temperature never went above 99.8, but I was very congested and felt like I could fall asleep at the drop of a hat.

Friday night, after having a miserable day, I tested positive. I still felt like I had a bad cold, with the added fatigue. I had a sore throat, ear aches, and nasal congestion. It seemed like each day a new symptom came up. I slept a lot. On Wednesday, the headache arrived…and it hasn’t left. That’s when the cough started up too. It has not been a bad cough, and I’m only breathless if I do stuff like climb the stairs.

I think Thursday was the worst day for it, and I ended up sleeping or laying down a good chunk of the day.

Now, mind you, I have had both vaccines and two boosters, and I wore my mask pretty much any time I was inside in public unless I was eating or having my picture taken.

I can’t imagine how bad this would be if I wasn’t vaccinated. With my comorbidities, I’d likely be in the hospital.

I’m planning on taking today easy, though I need to do laundry, with the hope that tomorrow I’ll be in better shape.

Photo by Medakit Ltd on Unsplash