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taking care of me

A few months ago, routine bloodwork came back showing that I am anemic. More bloodwork showed that I was severely anemic. What can I say, when I do something I like to go big. I’ve been on iron since and today I’m going in for a colonoscopy and endoscopy to determine if there is any internal cause.

I also need to go get labs done to see if taking the iron has helped, but I’ll do that tomorrow. My appointment with hematology is mid-January, so I need to get it done soon so that they will have the results.

Next up on my healthcare goals is getting my Nexplanon implant removed, setting up a mammogram, and getting back to the dentist.

It’s hard work, this getting older thing. 

In the meantime, I carry on with the day job and writing when I can. I really want a cup of coffee.

Alas, nothing by mouth until after the procedure.

What’s on your agenda this Wednesday before Christmas, readers?

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

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stay the hell at home

I was going to start this post with some trite comment about surviving another week in this apocalyptic hell, but realized almost immediately that not everybody has survived.  So many people I know has lost someone in the last few weeks, or has a loved one in the hospital that they can’t visit.  Nearly everyone I know has fears that a vulnerable person they love might contract this virus.

And, while we all need some light hearted humor in times like these, what we don’t need is flippant commentary that makes light of the situation.  We are standing at a precipice with our incompetent government poised behind us with a cattle prod, ready to send us hurtling to our deaths on the rocks below.

I try not to get overly political on this blog, but we can’t afford to not be political in this situation.  It is pretty clear to me that those at the top care nothing for the rest of us, and the idiots that are being goaded into protesting to end the very protections that are keeping us semi-safe, care nothing for people they do not know.  It’s going to take major losses of people who they do know and care about to reach through the cult-like group think that keeps them doing the bidding of a man who has used public office to rake in millions of dollars.

How can anybody look at the death toll numbers that climb and climb every single day and not realize that we are not doing enough to curb this thing?  How can they see stories and posts from our doctors and nurses who are fighting tooth and nail to save people without the proper PPE and with no effective treatment plan, and still demand their right to go to the movies or the beach or wherever the hell else it is they think is so damned important?

I know someone who lost her husband this weekend.  He was thirty six.  She had to drive him to the doors of the ER and leave him there because they wouldn’t let her in.  In less than twenty four hours he was in the ICU on a ventilator, unable to talk.  Her last words to his face were, “Call me when you know anything. I love you.”

He died alone, with a stranger in a mask beside him, holding his phone to his ear as his wife tried to say goodbye through choked tears.  He leaves behind a wife and three kids who are now under quarantine having to rely on the kindness of strangers to keep them fed.  Right now, they aren’t sure where he contracted the virus, as he made every attempt to be safe, but he had taken a job as a delivery driver after getting laid off from his regular job.  He had said he just wanted to help in this time of crisis.

His desire to help got him killed.

Make no mistake, Readers, this virus is a killer, and it doesn’t care how old you are or how healthy you are. It comes out of nowhere and can strike down a person in a week, maybe less.

So, stay the hell at home please!  The life you save could be your own, or your mother’s or your spouse’s, your kids, your neighbor.  Please be safe.  Love one another. Be kind.  These are weird times.

 

Cover Photo by Scott Webb on Unsplash

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it’s okay…to not be okay

Earlier this week, I was feeling great about the possibilities of getting a job offer today.  Late yesterday I got an email saying that, like the last three jobs I felt sure I was going to get, the job has gone on hold while the company re-evaluates what they genuinely need.

To some degree, I’m used to it, as a technical writer. But, I have to admit that this time, it’s hitting me pretty hard.  The job boards have the same ten jobs or so that they’ve had for a month.  Everyone is re-evaluating.  Jobs are getting really scarce.

Earlier this week I was feeling pretty optimistic and I was happy to reach out to my extroverted friends, and read poetry on Facebook and help people get through this.  Today I’m feeling fairly hopeless.  Today I’m afraid.

Logically, I know these things come in waves, but I also know that we haven’t seen the worst of this.

I need to pay bills.  I need to pay rent.  But at the same time, I’m afraid to spend anything because I’m so unsure of when there will be more money.  If I spend nothing of my last unemployment check, or of the next two unemployment checks, I will just make my rent in May.

On Tuesday, I have an interview at Target to work overnights stocking shelves because it pays slightly better than unemployment, yet at the same time, I don’t want to take the job from someone who might need it more than I do.

I know we’re all in the same boat.  We’re all doing our best to keep that boat afloat in an ocean of uncertainty and fear.  And I know that I’ll find my optimism again, but for today it’s okay to not be okay.

I’m going to finish up this coffee and wait for the recruiter to call me for a remote tech writer job I heard about late yesterday.  Maybe this is the one?

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pain and suffering

As someone who has their hands on a keyboard approximately 12 to 14 hours per day, it is unsurprising that I have chronic pain issues in my arms/hands.  Some days it is barely noticeable among the cacophony of other pain issues in my body. Other days, like today, it becomes a screaming symphony that demands to be heard.

It started as neck pain yesterday, all around that pinched nerve.  Moved into the shoulder through the night.  By this morning, my shoulder, elbow and wrist were crying…and of course, I can’t find a single wrist brace anywhere!  I only own about five of them, but none of them are where I can put my hands on them.

It also seriously cuts into my ability to write or edit.  A lot.  Typing isn’t as bad on this Kinesis keyboard, but using the mouse is tear inducing.

Needless to say, this drives me to want to spend my day away from the keyboard and mouse.  Well, not really.  What I want is to be pain free enough to get my work done, but barring that, the next best thing is to take my hands off the things that hurt them.

Maybe if I listen to my body today, it will let me work tomorrow.

 

Photo by Mat Reding on Unsplash

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breaking through

Happy Saturday, Readers!  I hope that you’re safe and warm and out of all of this crazy weather!  Here in Northern California it’s been very wet and colder than we’re used to, making for good times to stay inside with a good book and a cup of tea.

I’m now a week + out from my surgery and healing is progressing well.  I’m up to walking a full mile, which means it’s time to go back to work.  I’m also writing again for the first time in quite a while, working on a short story for an anthology that benefits a writer’s conference I will be attending in October.  I will also be editing that anthology in the near future.

If you want to follow my weight loss journey, I invite you to follow along in my blog devoted to that: aweightyjourneysite.wordpress.com.  It is likely I will stop talking about it so much here.

It feels good to have broken through the writer’s block that’s been plaguing me, and I think turning my attention to something new was a big reason I finally got through it.  I’ve only got a vague notion of where this story is going, but it’s built on a character that has been kicking around the back of my brain for a while.  It’s also a foray into true science fiction, which is always a fun playground.

Wishing you a cup of your favorite hot beverage, the comfort of a favorite blanket and some really good reading material!

 

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walking because it’s good for me

One of the things I had to give up when my back and my feet became too painful to support me adequately, was walking just because I enjoy walking.  In fact, I had really started to hate walking, and how it made me feel.

There’s nothing enjoyable in the pain that radiated out of my feet and across my lower back after walking a half mile just to get to BART as I headed into the office, never mind how much worse it was after the half mile to the office, or the return trip at the end of a long day.

It was one of the driving factors in helping me make the decision to have the gastric bypass surgery, which happened a week ago yesterday.  They encourage you pretty quickly to get up and moving after the surgery, and in the week that I’ve been home, I’ve been focusing pretty strongly on building my stamina back up by taking multiple short walks each day.

The first day, I got from my house to the corner, about 6 houses away.  The next day, I added a few houses on the other end.  Yesterday I made it around the block for the first time, a distance of approximately seven tenths of a mile.  Today, I ventured to the Starbucks just past the street I would turn up to go around the block, then I finished the block.

It feels good to be walking again.  I won’t say I am pain free, my feet are throbbing a bit right now and my back is letting me know it felt that walk, but each step moves me in the right direction, and while I feel ridiculously fatter than I have in a while, I’ve actually lost a decent amount of weight being only a week out from surgery.

One foot in front of the other, as they say.  Happy Wednesday, Readers!

 

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a storm’s a blowin’

I was startled awake at four AM this morning by gusty winds outside my bedroom window.  I had been aware that we were expecting a significant storm, but the reality of it was a bit jarring as I was waking up from some scattered dream that I think was about getting arrested.

My dream life can be a bit spectacular, in part due to one of the medications that I’m on for my back pain.  Toss in the pain from my recent surgery and the storm, it’s little wonder I found myself awake so early.

My bariatric surgery was Tuesday.  I came home from the hospital on Wednesday, and I’ve been convalescing at home since then, learning all of the adjustments I have to make to how I do things…like it’s a waste to make a whole pot of coffee, when it takes me nearly an hour to drink one cup!  I am, in fact, enjoying my first cup of (decaf) coffee since the surgery as I am writing this.

Most of the swelling has gone down now, but my stomach looks like someone used it for target practice…someone who wasn’t very good at targets, LOL.  They made seven total incisions, the biggest one is just over an inch long.

My first full day home was the worst for the pain, and I slept most of it off in a haze of pain medication.  Since then, each day has gotten better.  I anticipate that by the time I see my surgeon for my follow up, I should be ready to get back to my normal routine.  Until then, I will be working from home so that I can rest when I need to and such.

So, here I sit, sipping my coffee and listening to the wind and the rain outside, contemplating what shape today’s writing will take.  I hope your Saturday is filled with joy, Readers.

 

Photo by Bryan Minear on Unsplash

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taking a sick day

I had writing plans for this weekend, but I seem to have caught the cold that’s been going around, so I am going to call it a sick day and not beat myself up over it.

I think it might be a good day for my couch, my blankets and pillows and whatever movies I can find to entertain me on Netflix.

Sometimes a sick day is good for the writer’s brain.  We can step back and hopefully when we return, we are ready for action again.  At least that’s what I’m hoping.  I have a full religious liturgy to create!

Whatever you’re up to today, I hope you make room for some rest as well.  And, if you’re in the area, some chicken soup would be nice.

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the neverending journey

I have recently made the decision to undergo weight loss surgery.  I have been some level of overweight for most of my adult life.  At my largest, I weighed in at 320 pounds.  The smallest I’ve been as an adult was 153 pounds.  Currently I’m circling 280, and fighting to get down another five before I see the surgeon again.

Like most women who have struggled with their weight, I’ve tried every fad diet, every supplement, every new-fangled idea that came along.  Some of them worked, some of them didn’t.  Most recently I tried a very restricted eating regimen, which resulted in a loss of sixty something pounds, but I was only consuming 800 calories per day, which simply isn’t sustainable.

All of that dieting and sporadic bursts of exercise has my metabolic system so screwed up that when I upped my calorie count to 1000, I stopped losing weight.  When I upped it to 1200 on my doctor’s advice, I started gaining it back.

I’ve gained almost 30 pounds since then. Admittedly, I lost my will for it when I started gaining it back while still restricting calories, and I’ve struggled to get back to eating healthy after my vacation in September.

Ultimately, what made the decision for me was the levels of pain I am in on a daily basis.  My back, my feet, and most of my arms and shoulders are in chronic pain every day.  If I manage to walk my 10K steps on one day, the next day I can barely walk.  It’s nuts.  If I can’t walk, I can’t do much.

So, here we are.  I see the doctor on Wednesday, and that is when she will decide if we can schedule the surgery for before the end of the year. My hope is that this will set me up for a 2019 that is healthier and stronger, and less pain-filled than 2018 was.