Category: Life and Other Fun

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walking because it’s good for me

One of the things I had to give up when my back and my feet became too painful to support me adequately, was walking just because I enjoy walking.  In fact, I had really started to hate walking, and how it made me feel.

There’s nothing enjoyable in the pain that radiated out of my feet and across my lower back after walking a half mile just to get to BART as I headed into the office, never mind how much worse it was after the half mile to the office, or the return trip at the end of a long day.

It was one of the driving factors in helping me make the decision to have the gastric bypass surgery, which happened a week ago yesterday.  They encourage you pretty quickly to get up and moving after the surgery, and in the week that I’ve been home, I’ve been focusing pretty strongly on building my stamina back up by taking multiple short walks each day.

The first day, I got from my house to the corner, about 6 houses away.  The next day, I added a few houses on the other end.  Yesterday I made it around the block for the first time, a distance of approximately seven tenths of a mile.  Today, I ventured to the Starbucks just past the street I would turn up to go around the block, then I finished the block.

It feels good to be walking again.  I won’t say I am pain free, my feet are throbbing a bit right now and my back is letting me know it felt that walk, but each step moves me in the right direction, and while I feel ridiculously fatter than I have in a while, I’ve actually lost a decent amount of weight being only a week out from surgery.

One foot in front of the other, as they say.  Happy Wednesday, Readers!

 

Photo by Taylor Jacobs on Unsplash

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a storm’s a blowin’

I was startled awake at four AM this morning by gusty winds outside my bedroom window.  I had been aware that we were expecting a significant storm, but the reality of it was a bit jarring as I was waking up from some scattered dream that I think was about getting arrested.

My dream life can be a bit spectacular, in part due to one of the medications that I’m on for my back pain.  Toss in the pain from my recent surgery and the storm, it’s little wonder I found myself awake so early.

My bariatric surgery was Tuesday.  I came home from the hospital on Wednesday, and I’ve been convalescing at home since then, learning all of the adjustments I have to make to how I do things…like it’s a waste to make a whole pot of coffee, when it takes me nearly an hour to drink one cup!  I am, in fact, enjoying my first cup of (decaf) coffee since the surgery as I am writing this.

Most of the swelling has gone down now, but my stomach looks like someone used it for target practice…someone who wasn’t very good at targets, LOL.  They made seven total incisions, the biggest one is just over an inch long.

My first full day home was the worst for the pain, and I slept most of it off in a haze of pain medication.  Since then, each day has gotten better.  I anticipate that by the time I see my surgeon for my follow up, I should be ready to get back to my normal routine.  Until then, I will be working from home so that I can rest when I need to and such.

So, here I sit, sipping my coffee and listening to the wind and the rain outside, contemplating what shape today’s writing will take.  I hope your Saturday is filled with joy, Readers.

 

Photo by Bryan Minear on Unsplash

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stuck in the middle with you

Ever feel like your just stuck in a rut?  Or just stuck, minus the rut?  I’ve been feeling that a lot lately.  Like my life has become this endless routine, and I’m trapped inside it by all of my anxieties and even by my own nature.

It doesn’t help that my day job can get a bit cyclical feeling.  And money’s been tight, so I can’t really break up the monotony with a day out or a weekend away.  And with my diet as curtailed as it is at the moment, and in reality for the next six months or so will likely be, it makes going out with friends more difficult than it usually is.

It isn’t even like I don’t have enough to do right here at home.  Knowing I am going to be recovering from surgery, I’m attempting to get my house as straightened up as I can, to make things easier.  I have plenty to do.

Sometimes, when I start to feel this way, I start to think about ways my life could have been different…if I’d decided to get married or have kids…taken a more traditional route with my life.  And I won’t lie, it’s been on my mind with the surgery coming up and with having helped my mother clean up the detritus of her husband’s life last year…what am I leaving behind?  Who is going to be there when it’s over to clean up whatever I leave, inherit whatever is left?

But really, when I think about it, I have no regrets.  I’ve lived a life I can be proud of, and I am very happy with it.  If this is the middle part of my life, I can only hope that whatever comes next will bring joy and peace and the sense of fulfillment that life up to fifty has enjoyed.

Happy Saturday, Readers!

Photo by Tomas Tuma on Unsplash

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downhill slide

My focus the last week or so has been on my upcoming surgery, which means not much writing gets done.  I still try to take at least fifteen minutes to write every day, even if it is a half a poem or the sketch of a story idea.

Every word is a struggle right now, however.  Nothing is moving easily and I’m second guessing myself left, right and center.  I think some of this is likely due to the absolutely horrific state of my office right now.  My office doubles as the spare bedroom, craft room and storage space, and in recent months I’ve all but emptied the closet while looking for things, without putting stuff back into the closet.

The rest of the house is clean, so this weekend, my focus will be on getting the office in shape so that I can write without the clutter.

I expect that the writing will also flow easier after the surgery is over.  I’m not nervous really, though I’m anxious to get it over with now that the decision is made and all of the precursors have been met.

Between here and there stands four days of work (including today) and a weekend of cleaning and laundry.  It’s all downhill from there!

 

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

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welcome to the future

It’s an odd thing, really.  By which I mean time and our visions of the future.  We’ve arrived at the year 2019, which past us predicted would be in varying degrees of dystopian decay, with technology that we haven’t quite realized.

We may be well on our way to dystopian entropy, given our current political, social and economical situation, but our cars don’t fly yet, at least not at the common man level (I’ve seen the prototype, but it’s a far cry from being affordable or even legal)…which I suppose is good, considering the terror it could cause.

I’ve been feeling pretty ho-hum about things since Christmas.  My idea of New Year’s eve, was a Star Trek:Voyager marathon that ended around eleven.  I’ve never been a big resolution maker, because I realized young that most of us just make some big proclamation about big changes that we’re are never actually going to follow through on without any plan for how to accomplish them.

That said, however, I am resolving to work on two specific goals this year, and I already have plans in place for how to accomplish them.  I probably won’t really be discussing them, but they are health and finances.

Today is my first day back in the office, like many other Americans, I assume.  I like first days, they feel like a fresh start.  My goal for the next three days is to finish up a few unfinished projects from last year so that next week I can begin new things.  I also hope to get at least three hundred words written every day, whether on the current project or something else.  My daily writing has been slacking lately.

I guess I should get myself busy with that.  I have a mile long list of emails to respond to this morning, so I’m off to the day job.

Happy New Year, Readers!  Welcome to the future!

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taking a sick day

I had writing plans for this weekend, but I seem to have caught the cold that’s been going around, so I am going to call it a sick day and not beat myself up over it.

I think it might be a good day for my couch, my blankets and pillows and whatever movies I can find to entertain me on Netflix.

Sometimes a sick day is good for the writer’s brain.  We can step back and hopefully when we return, we are ready for action again.  At least that’s what I’m hoping.  I have a full religious liturgy to create!

Whatever you’re up to today, I hope you make room for some rest as well.  And, if you’re in the area, some chicken soup would be nice.

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the day after

When the chaos and uproar of opening presents is done, and the floor looks like a tornado came through and dropped colorful debris over everything, there’s a kind of quiet that settles in.  Everyone is caught up in playing with new toys and trying on new clothes, setting up new tech and even the animals have worn themselves out.

And my family is all grown adults (for some valued of adult anyway)!

Still, I think that’s some of my favorite time on Christmas day.  Before we’ve gotten up to start the clean up, while we’re still sharing our presents with family…it’s a kind of happiness that only comes there, in the family time, where we can be geeks and dorks and excited about things that make us happy.

Of course, then comes the clean up and the shift to getting Christmas dinner on the table.  Sure, we keep playing as the day goes on, maybe even break out the board games, which leads to a whole different kind of family time.  You haven’t lived until you’ve played Cards Against Humanity with your 70 year old mother and internet-raised nieces!

But, like all other good things, the time comes when the day must end and family scatters…though at this point, I’m the only one not living under that roof, and then comes the long drive home.  And the day after…

It’s a bit of a let down, I guess, for the day after.  All the waiting and anticipating and chaos is done and somehow, you’re expected to re-enter the working world as if none of it happened at all.

 

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books and writing and selling

It’s an #amwriting Saturday.  I need to cut some time out of my writing time to do some tasks for my publisher to help with promo opportunities.  I don’t think it’s any secret that I’m not very good at promo myself.  I find myself easily frustrated with the whole marketing aspect of being an author.

I write because I enjoy writing, and because if I don’t write, all of these characters and plots still live in my head and may one day drive me mad.  I write because I love to tell stories, not because I enjoy selling books.

Buying books is another story.  I love to buy books.  I love holding a book in my hand.  I love immersing myself in a story almost as much as I enjoy telling a story.

But, I have to accept that the publishing industry has changed and with the glut of books available to readers, promo is a necessity if I ever want anyone other than my friends to read my books.  *sigh*

So, some of today’s writing time will be spent picking out excerpts from my books suitable for social networks, and re-writing blurbs in order to aid my publisher in the promo work they do.  Maybe I’ll find some time tomorrow to do some of my own promo work.  I haven’t really done much since Where Shadows Fall was released.

But the new project is coming along well, and I think it’s going to be good.

I hope your weekend treats you well, Readers!

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shining lights and quiet nights

We’re less than a week out from Christmas, which hardly seems possible.  I think I maybe finally found the knack of not going overboard on spending for my family this year.  I’m a gifter.  I like to give gifts.

For a lot of people, this time of year can be difficult.  The days are short. The nights are long.  We try to compensate with lights.  We put them on our trees, we put them on our house.  For me, it’s candles.  I love to fill my living room with candles during the holiday season.

It’s a form of what we call “sympathetic magic,” the act of calling something to you by imitation.  What we’re longing for is the sun, so we light our lives up with artificial light to tempt it to return.

The only thing I like better than candles lit against the cold dark of winter, is the cold dark of winter itself.  The winter solstice is Friday, the day of the longest night.  Every day after that the days will grow slowly longer and the wheel will turn, spring will come.  There will be candles in the early evening, but before I go to bed, I will put them all out and spend some time alone in that quiet that only comes in the dark.

It’s a good time to do a self-inventory, to judge your progress against goals, to adjust your attitude toward yourself and others.  Preparation, for you to return with the sun and ready yourself for the growth to come.

At least, that’s my solstice tradition.  Followed on Christmas with family time, food and gift giving.  I hope that however you celebrate, and whatever you celebrate, that this season of good will finds you happy, healthy and hopeful, Readers.

I am more grateful for all of you than you will ever know.

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the neverending journey

I have recently made the decision to undergo weight loss surgery.  I have been some level of overweight for most of my adult life.  At my largest, I weighed in at 320 pounds.  The smallest I’ve been as an adult was 153 pounds.  Currently I’m circling 280, and fighting to get down another five before I see the surgeon again.

Like most women who have struggled with their weight, I’ve tried every fad diet, every supplement, every new-fangled idea that came along.  Some of them worked, some of them didn’t.  Most recently I tried a very restricted eating regimen, which resulted in a loss of sixty something pounds, but I was only consuming 800 calories per day, which simply isn’t sustainable.

All of that dieting and sporadic bursts of exercise has my metabolic system so screwed up that when I upped my calorie count to 1000, I stopped losing weight.  When I upped it to 1200 on my doctor’s advice, I started gaining it back.

I’ve gained almost 30 pounds since then. Admittedly, I lost my will for it when I started gaining it back while still restricting calories, and I’ve struggled to get back to eating healthy after my vacation in September.

Ultimately, what made the decision for me was the levels of pain I am in on a daily basis.  My back, my feet, and most of my arms and shoulders are in chronic pain every day.  If I manage to walk my 10K steps on one day, the next day I can barely walk.  It’s nuts.  If I can’t walk, I can’t do much.

So, here we are.  I see the doctor on Wednesday, and that is when she will decide if we can schedule the surgery for before the end of the year. My hope is that this will set me up for a 2019 that is healthier and stronger, and less pain-filled than 2018 was.