Category: Life and Other Fun

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finding the new normal

Wow, I didn’t mean to go AWOL on y’all. The last few weeks have been crazy busy and filled with the kind of things no one wants to have to deal with. From my father’s death on the 17th of October through his Celebration of Life and on into figuring out what comes next, my mind has been occupied with all the steps I needed to take to help my stepmother and sort out the things my father left behind.

It’s strange, how much work it takes to wrap up a life, even one who was as meticulous about things as my father was. He set up a living trust, had reams of paperwork on his estate planning, yet there were a lot of weird things we need to sort.

One of those is their credit cards. Every single one is in both of their names, but only his SSN is associated, thus as soon as we report his death, my stepmother ends up without them and has to apply for her own, but because she really doesn’t have a large credit history, that ends up being less easy than it should be.

He left no *will* that spells out what to do with the little things, even though the living trust has room for that, and his only life insurance policy that we could find was for $1000.

Complicating matters is the fact that they live in Tucson, and I’m in California, as well as my stepmother’s advancing dementia. She recently got very, very lost, to the tune of 3 hours away from home, and I’m not sure what would have happened if I hadn’t called her while she was trying to get home.

So, I am headed back to Tucson in a week, hopefully to get her set up with some in-home health care, some meal delivery, and start the conversation about a more permanent solution. With any luck, that gets us safely through the end of the year, and we can start considering what comes next.

Whatever normal is, this isn’t it.

Hopefully, I’m on the right road to find it. Happy Monday, Readers! Be kind, be gracious and love one another (and while you’re at it make a will, add beneficiaries to your accounts, let your wishes be known).

Photo by Perfectus Photography & Design Co. on Unsplash

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when the veil is thin

Samhain seems a fitting time to be closing out a life, remembering a man who was strong and vibrant and saying goodbye. My relationship with my father was not always an easy one. We are both headstrong and opinionated, and when those opinions differed, things could get heated.

I had a period in my life where I blamed him for everything. I went years not spending time with him. Ultimately though, I grew up and realized that most of what I blamed him for wasn’t his fault at all.

I have spent a good chunk of the time between his passing and now looking at his life through music and pictures. There are a lot of memories tied up in music for me, and the images of his life remind me of how much I loved to see him laugh and smile.

I’m also reminded what a handsome fella he was back in the day.

My belief about what comes after this mortal life is a bit in flux, whether we come back to try again, or take our rest among those who came before…or whether we fade to black. I guess I’m more invested in what we do with this life than I am in some ethereal eternity. But I do hope that whatever it is, my old man is at peace.

I hope I can make him proud as we move through the Celebration of Life this weekend, and find our way out to the “new normal”…the one without him on the other end of a phone call.

Tomorrow morning I get on a plane and head back to Tucson to say goodbye. I anticipate a lot of tears and hugs and warm words from people I didn’t know, but my dad did. He was a gregarious guy and he made friends everywhere he went.

I’m going to miss him. A lot.

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to say goodbye

When last I wrote, I was on my way to Tucson to spend some time with my father and family. What was meant to be a relaxing weekend catching up with people I haven’t seen in decades became sometime much more profound.

It became obvious part way through the long weekend, that my Dad was not doing well. He was weak and fragile, could hardly walk. He took a pretty hard fall on Friday night, but refused to seek treatment. The next day he was slurring his words, listing to the side and overall not doing well.

On Sunday, we talked him into getting some in-home health care, and I headed out, knowing I’d likely be back within a week to get that health care set up for him. Several hours after I left, I got a call from family that things had gotten worse, they’d called EMTs and he had refused to allow them to take him to the hospital.

I got on the phone with him, hoping to convince him to go be seen, but all he wanted was another cigarette. I screamed at him. A lot.

But, you can’t force a grown man to do what’s right for himself, and when I stopped for the night on the drive home, I had a gut feeling in my stomach that he wouldn’t wake up in the morning.

At around 6:30 am, I got the phone call that confirmed my gut feeling. My father was dead.

I had to finish the drive home, wracked with grief and guilt, only to turn around and fly back with my brother to help my step-mother get stuff handled.

It’s one of those things that you will never understand until you have to…how much work there is in wrapping up a life. So many little things, so much work to manage…and such a waiting game.

So far, I think we’ve managed a lot. We have a celebration of life scheduled for the 5th of November. I leave Tucson on Tuesday, and fly back on the 3rd. Hopefully we’ll have the death certificate by then so we can go about the business of handling the SS, the bank accounts, etc. I’ll be taking my father’s 2020 Hyundai Santa Fe, so we’ll need to deal with the title on that too.

So many details…so much paperwork. And yet, it’s an odd thing to boil down 75 years of living into a stack of papers and the stuff he accumulated.

Today I hope to tackle getting my step mother set up so that her bills are paid automatically, and then help her clear out the thousands of slips of paper that are only lending to her confusion.

For now though, I’m sipping on some coffee and waiting for my brother to wake up so we can head back over there. Happy Saturday, Readers.

E. Bryan Case Obituary

Photo by Storiès on Unsplash

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family reunion of sorts

I’m in Tucson, Arizona for the weekend, visiting my father and his wife while my Uncle Paul, Aunt Agnes, Aunt Sue and cousin Zoe are also in town. I haven’t seen my aunts and uncle in at least twenty years.

There have been a lot of changes in my life since then, and theirs too. Yet it was surprising to find the dynamic has stayed the same as I remember it. I see a lot of the way my brother and I interact watching the three siblings.

It’s a strange thing seeing your elders as an adult, watching them change, age and struggle with illness. Both Dad and his wife have had cancer diagnoses in the last twelve months and they seem frailer than I ever remember. Yet, there’s humor. There’s joy. There’s the snarky family love I remember from my childhood.

It was also good to spend last yesterday evening with my very good friend, Lisa who I don’t get to see nearly enough. We just hung out, walked the puppy and talked for hours. It was great.

In puppy news, Athena is being a champ with this road trip. She played hard at the dog park yesterday and today. I was originally planning to stay through Monday, but I’m thinking that I’ll leave tomorrow afternoon, get a hotel in the LA area tomorrow night and finish the drive on Monday because that 14 hour drive is crazy making.

Right now, we’re hanging out at the hotel, drinking coffee and doing some edit work before heading over to Dad’s place later today. I hope this weekend is treating you well, Readers!

Photo by Frankie Lopez on Unsplash

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in the time of serial killers

So, in case you haven’t heard, Stockton, CA has a serial killer currently out there shooting mostly Hispanic men. Six victims are dead (one in Oakland) and one, the only female victim so far, was wounded.

Now, if you know anything about me, I’m a true crime junkie and I am fascinated by the psychology of serial killers. But, this is something very different.

I don’t scare easily. I do my best to stay safe. However, I do like to walk in the early morning hours. The idea that someone is out there just ambushing people in the dark has strongly curtailed that.

I’m still fascinated by the minds of serial killers and I want to know the what/why/how of this guy’s head…he seems to be maybe on a mission…why?

Also, given the technology we have in this time and place, it seems weird that this kind of crime got this far without the person getting caught. Why did it take 6 deaths to tie these crimes together? How many more will it take to find this person?

There’s a task force in place and they released a surveillance video of a “person of interest” but considering that it’s only of the person from the back walking in what looks like an apartment complex, all it tells us is he’s tall and slender and was dressed in dark clothing.

The reward has been raised to $125K for info leading to arrest and conviction.

So, yeah. That’s the state of things where I live right now. I hope y’all are somewhere safe and sane and stay that way, Readers! Puppy picture above is your palette cleanser. Look at that face!

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life in my world

Hey, Readers! Happy Saturday! I hope life is treating you well. I feel like a chew toy, but I guess that’s what happens when you bring a new puppy into your life. She’s been here a week and I’m a mess of scratches and bruises from playing with her.

Meet Athena

This is Athena! She’s a Pyrenees and Australian shepherd mix and just about 4 months old. She’s a bit timid but is starting to come out of her shell. So far she’s afraid of the stairs and walking on a leash, desperately wants the cats to be her friends (they are not so interested), and is learning sit and stay.

She’s had her first vet visit (she was terrified, but did very well) and went to my mother’s house to meet the family and their pets.

Needless to say, I’m completely in love with her!

Just got her settled down after morning playtime, so it’s editing/writing time. I’m deep into edits on Hêalic (The Blood Witch Saga Book 3) and have found what was missing in the plot for book 4 (as yet unnamed).

That’s all for now, Readers! Go out and initiate some kindness today!

Photo by Greg Rosenke on Unsplash

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hope rises with the sun

The world is a hot mess right now, and I have to admit that it is eating up a lot of my brain power and making me want to just hide in my safe little sanctuary until it sorts itself out. We’re still dealing with a pandemic, we’ve got monkeypox on the rise, new cases of polio (which we thought we had irradiated), some new virus in China…we’ve got war in Ukraine, a former president who appears to have committed even more crime than we thought, his supporters taking guns to the FBI and calling for civil war (let alone just plain murder of agents). We’ve got Israel pounding Palestine, civilians being killed the world over, continuing gun violence here in the US and a congress who seems to have forgotten they’re supposed to work for us.

It’s a lot, and some days it’s more than I can wrap my head around. Other days, I’m wallowing in it, which isn’t good for anyone.

Still, there is beauty and kindness in this world, we just have to dig a little deeper to find it these days. The sun still rises, the rain still falls (though most of the world really needs more of that), the flowers still open up and people still do good things for one another.

And when you can’t find that kindness around you, the best way to look for it is to be that kindness. It doesn’t have to be a big gesture or cost you a fortune. It can just be the little things, the smile for a stranger, a kind word to someone you pass in the street or stand behind in line. It can be the cup of coffee you bring a coworker who is having a hard time, or the lunch tab you pick up for a friend.

Hope rises above despair, but it needs our help. Find a moment today to hope for something. Bring kindness into the world.

Happy Sunday, Readers. May it bring you peace.

Photo by todd kent on Unsplash

By the way, have you picked up your copy of Thanátou yet?

Thanátou
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pamper me

I was supposed to be in Austin this weekend, but the cost of airfare priced me out, so I had to stay home. To comfort myself, I booked a facial for yesterday afternoon. I haven’t done one in quite a while, and my skin was feeling dry and lifeless, so off I went.

I didn’t go for anything fancy, just your basic facial which consisted of cleansing, a hydrating face mask, etc. It was 60 minutes of laying on a massage table having someone who wasn’t me pampering me. It was lovely.

Usually, when I want pampering, I get a massage, so this was something a bit different. I could still use a massage though! My last facial was a few years ago in Denver at the Sirens conference.

I always forget how good my skin feels after a facial. This morning my face is soft and it feels amazing.

It doesn’t completely make up for missing out on Austin, but it did make me feel better.

In writing news, I’m editing book 3 of The Blood Witch Saga, book 2 is with the publisher, and book 4 is underway. I also have a ghost story brewing in the back of my mind. I’ll toy with that later.

For now, I need to finish up this cup of coffee, have some breakfast and get myself busy. Happy Sunday, Readers. Go pamper yourself a little.

Photo by Adrian Motroc on Unsplash

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a tease

As we draw closer to release date, I’ll be doing a cover reveal over on my Facebook/Twitter/Instagram. I’ve got that scheduled for Monday morning at 9am. I’m also planning on introducing you lovely Readers to some of the characters you’ll be meeting in Thanátou.

Meanwhile, I thought I’d give you a tease from the first chapter:

My earliest memories are of blood, the hot, sticky taste of it on my tongue, the strange, copper scent of it suffocating me. I had no context for these things. I knew that I was small, and I knew that the stain of it was on my soul, but like so much of my life before I was ten, I could only guess.

That was where my life began, on my tenth birthday.

Thanátou, Chapter 1

Thus begins the story of Thána Augusta Celene Alizon Archer, a mid-level manager at a manufacturing company who doesn’t believe in magic or witches or ghosts, until one day a strange man with a strange box and a stranger story about a family she has never known arrives and turns her life upside down. Not to mention the men trying to kill her, or the incubus in her closet.

Thanátou: The Blood Witch Saga Book 1 is coming soon! Keep an eye out for that cover reveal on Monday and get ready to READ.

Today, I drop myself back into the world of Book 2, where we meet new characters and face new dangers.

But first, coffee and some mindless game playing to get my brain functional.

Photo by Ed Leszczynskl on Unsplash

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a time of remembrance

Today I am heading up to Oregon again, this time with my mother and her dog. The purpose of this trip is to bury my stepfather’s ashes in the Flory family cemetery. Bob died four years ago, though somehow that doesn’t seem possible. At the time, the family was scattered. We waited a few months to do a memorial, and his ashes, aside from what Mom had sealed in a small urn, went with one of his sons.

The intent was always to bring him to the plot to be with his family, but Covid came and plans got postponed.

So on Friday, we will gather with his increasingly smaller family to say final farewells.

As always when something like this is happening, it stirs up memories. Bob was a good man who loved my mother. My favorite memories are from when the kids were small and he just delighted in teaching them things. They weren’t always as delighted, if I recall, but he would light up.

Bob was a geologist by trade, and so as tribute, I rummaged my altar box for a stone or two to contribute to the grave site. I grabbed a large crystal point and a chunk of obsidian.

I still need to shower, load the dishwasher and pack the cooler before I load up the car, then off to gather Mom and Missy for the long drive north. I don’t really know Bob’s family well, and that has my anxiety up, but I want to be there for Mom.

On Saturday, we’re going to Crater Lake, so watch this space for photos.

And that’s all there is in the land of Natalie, at least for now. I hope your day is spectacular, Readers!

Photo by Preston Pownell on Unsplash