Category: Life and Other Fun

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*cough cough sneeze sneeze*

I missed posting this weekend because I have been down with a nasty cold/virus. I’m still sick, but I think I’m starting to come out the other side. This has been a long, slowly developing illness. I started with a sore throat a week ago Sunday. The sinus congestion started late on Monday. Sneezing arrived on Tuesday.

Thursday I thought I was feeling better. Friday, I went out to a work event (paintball) and was okay until about 2 in the afternoon, when I suddenly felt completely drained. By the time I got home, I had started coughing, all the junk settling into my lungs.

I’ve been coughing ever since. The fatigue sidelined most of my weekend. This morning I’m feeling slightly better, I think. The fatigue isn’t as thick as it was yesterday. My voice sounds like I started taking testosterone. My throat is raw from coughing.

Okay, enough complaining. Let’s talk about Friday. It was the first time I had met any of my coworkers in person. I drove an hour and a half out to Napa to meet up with them at a place called Paintball Jungle. They have a couple of acres of land set up with forts, blinds, and other obstacles.

My first observation was, damn that paintball gun is HEAVY. I’m still feeling it in my arm! Now, I’m not the most agile individual, and being that I was somewhat sick I also wasn’t hugely energetic, but I went out there to try. And I did pretty good, right up until my energy drained out of my toes. I sat out most of the last game we played and instead sat and talked with others who weren’t participating.

It was a fun day.

And now, I need to find some energy to get the day job started.

Photo by Patrick T’Kindt on Unsplash

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trees and lights and holidays

Halloween has always been the holiday I go all out for, but once upon a time, I used to go wild for Christmas too. Back when my mother and I were sharing a home, we strung up hundreds and hundreds of lights on the house, bushes, even the lawn. We did a big tree and a Christmas village that took up an entire table.

Since moving out to live alone, I haven’t had room for a tree or much desire to decorate inside, and for a long time, I lived in places where decorating outside didn’t matter as no one would see it. This year, I fell in love with a tree with fiber-optic lights and decided to co-opt the corner of my living room to put up a tree.

I don’t have anything on it yet, but I have ornaments coming. I need to find a tree topper that won’t topple my wee little tree and maybe some garland.

I also got some lights for outside, I just need to find the oomph to get them up.

I will also need to go help Mom get her tree up sometime in the next week or so. For today though? I’m nursing my back that I seem to have injured by sleeping last night.

Photo by Thalia Ruiz on Unsplash

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numbers add up

On one hand, this week just disappeared. On the other hand, well it was a week.

When I first started my adult career, I worked in data. I was good at it, but it didn’t really fulfill me. Then I recognized a need for someone to take over writing a number of policies and procedures and I did both for a long time. Eventually, I found my way into a job that was 90% writing and it felt like coming home.

I’ve been a technical writer for over 20 years now, and yet, somehow, data still finds its way into my work day. This week that was NPS scores. Because I own the tool that allows us to pop up NPS scores directly in our platform, it falls to me to do the read out. My VP asked me yesterday to share our current NPS scores and some awesome comments in our “Weekly Wins” call. That lead to being asked to do a deep dive to provide info to our Marketing team and our CTO.

We’ve been running the survey since May of this year, and we currently sit at a solid 50, which is pretty damn good.

But now it’s the weekend and I’m hoping to get some writing done, clean the house, take the dog to the park, grocery shopping with Mom, etc. Right this minute, however, I have some Death Wish Coffee in my cup and a blank page staring at me.

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the year that was and the year that will be

Ah, New Year’s…that time of hope and good will and the best intentions. We say good riddance to the year that was and throw open our arms to embrace the year to come.

As a general rule, I do my goal setting and reminiscing about the year at Samhain, but it’s been a hell of a year.

I moved from Walnut Creek out to Stockton to be closer to my mom and brother. I went to Star Wars Celebration. I got a dog. I published three novels. I lost my father and stepped into the caretaker role for my stepmother. I got to go to Nashville to see Radio Company in their first public gig.

In April, I wrote a poem every single day. I finished writing one book and got a third of the way into the next.

I got to catch up with some family I haven’t seen in forever, and meet some family I had never met.

I generally suck at keeping up with any schedules or such when it comes to posting daily or weekly or whathaveyou…but I’d like to get back to a more regular posting schedule. When I started this blog, I committed to posting here every Mon-Weds-Fri, but life got in the way, so maybe I’ll attempt Saturdays and Wednesdays. One of those days I’ll post something about my writing process/progress and the other whatever comes to mind.

I’m also wanting to get back to writing more poetry, so you may see more of that too.

Here’s a wish for you, Readers: May 2023 bring you peace, joy, and love. May your coffee be strong, your food delicious, your sleep restful and your heart filled with kindness. Goodbye 2022, the year that was, and welcome 2023, the year that will be.

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the joys of being a growed up person

For a lot of years, I worked for a company that shut down for the week between Christmas and New Year’s. Then there was enough PTO available in my next jobs that I could take it off. This year, I opted to not take the time off, even though I could.

It’s always an odd week. Half the company is off on vacation, which means there are no meetings. The normal cadence of the week is off. But, that also means more time to get work done.

However, I find myself more easily distracted by random things. I head to the kitchen to get a drink and end up cleaning off a counter. I go to the bathroom to take care of business and end up rounding up towels for the laundry. Go out to get the mail and end up playing with the dog.

It doesn’t help that the weather has us cooped up in the house. It’s been wet and rainy for days. Poor Athena doesn’t understand why we haven’t been to the park, but she gets so dirty! And bathing her is a chore and a half.

I’ll be heading back to Arizona for a few days in a couple of weeks, to accompany my stepmother to a few appointments. Haven’t decided how I’m getting there just yet, with the current state of air travel.

I need to go out today to get the car smog tested so I can finish the registration stuff, and I need a few groceries besides.

I’d rather curl up on the couch with a book and a cuppa.

Ah well, the joys of being a growed up.

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season’s greetings and all that jazz

This holiday season has not felt particularly joyous. It’s taken me most of the month to muster up any amount of holiday spirit. My Yule consisted of lighting a single candle and staring at it for most of an hour. My Christmas Eve was essentially my annual watching of Die Hard and then crawling into bed.

I didn’t sleep well, in part because I did something to aggravate my back injury and in part because I could NOT shut my brain off.

While Christmas is not a religious holiday for me, it is a day to be spent with family, and sure enough, I’ll be headed over to my brother’s place later today for presents and food. I promised my stepmother I’d call when I got over there so everyone can say Merry Christmas. She’ll be spending the day with friends.

I can remember a time when I went all out for Christmas, particularly when the girls were small. I decorated the whole house and I bought extravagant gifts. I cooked and baked and took great pleasure in gifting people treats from my kitchen.

Maybe I’ll find my way back there someday, but for today, I just want to be with the ones I love, cuddle some puppies and enjoy being alive.

Whatever you celebrate, I hope today is filled with love and happiness, Readers. Be kind to yourself and those around you.

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finding my happy place

It’s been a hell of a year. I’ve struggled, I’ve persevered, I’ve almost given up. I’ve had my feet knocked out from under me, I’ve accomplished some amazing things, I’ve lost people I loved.

While I have worked at keeping my head up and my eyes on the horizon, it hasn’t been easy, and that’s saying something coming off of two years of lockdown. One of the great joys of my life has been denied to me through the pandemic, the joy of live music and photography.

I’ve been to a few gigs, but not nearly as many as I usually attend in a year, even if you add up all of 2020, 2021, and 2022!

So, it gives me great pleasure (and great anxiety) to be heading off to Nashville today to see the band Radio Company perform in their first public gig.

The show is tomorrow night, and I’m boarding a plane tonight at around 11:15pm, hopefully, to sleep my way across the country. With a brief layover in DC, I’ll arrive in Nashville somewhere around 10am, get an Uber to the hotel, and see if I can manage an early check-in.

I’m mostly solo this trip, though I know a few of the folks who will be at the gig. This is something that’s added to my anxiety. I don’t have my usual friend bubble to protect me when things get…tight. I do, however, have Xanax, so I should be okay.

I’m mostly packed, other than clothes, because I’m still deciding on clothes. I’m leaning toward a dress, boots, and stylish hat. Since I’m turning around and flying home on Tuesday afternoon, so I don’t need to bring much more, as I can wear the same clothes I travel to Nashville home from Nashville.

I have a little time to do some wandering around and souvenir/Christmas shop, but not a lot.

I’m just hoping to disconnect myself from the stress and emotional turmoil of the year and immerse myself in music and doing what I love.

I hope y’all have some fun planned for yourself during this season of much ado. And I hope your holidays are marvelous, dearest Readers.

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my heart is held together with duct tape

Grief is a curious thing. We each manage it differently and it affects us all in unique to us ways. All my life, in trauma situations, my reaction is to push all emotion aside and deal with what needs to get done. I think it comes from a combination of places, including learning at a very young age that if something needs doing you do it, because no one else will do it for you.

But it’s also a part of my “Virgo-ness” and my intense need to help others.

I’m not saying I haven’t had my emotional moments since Dad’s passing. When I first heard, I broke down in a way I seldom have. There were sobs and for a while, I couldn’t breathe. My knees hit the floor once I’d called my brother to tell him. I teared up at the memorial, talking about him. There have been a few things that remind me of him that had me welling up.

But by and large, I haven’t really “let it all out” and I’m not sure when or if I will. There is still so much to do and I worry about never finding my way back to an even keel if I let go.

My focus these days is on taking care of my stepmother. I can apply logic and thinking to the problems presented by taking care of an Alzheimer’s patient from afar and dealing with her finances, her day-to-day needs, and all of that.

I know I need to open up to the emotion of it all, I just don’t know if I can. At least not while I have stuff to do. I’m at an age where the generation before me is starting to go. I’ve already lost a few family and friends in that generation and I know that there will be more to come.

Right now my heart is held together with duct tape so that the grief doesn’t come flooding out and fill my body. The problem with that is I’m running in constant fight or flight mode whenever I’m not just disassociating and pretending not to exist.

It’s exhausting. I’m headed to Nashville on Sunday though, taking myself on a journey to joy and my happy place: live music.

Maybe it will help. I guess we’ll see.

Remember Kindness this holiday season, Readers. You never know what private grief is hidden behind that stranger’s face. And if you haven’t yet, pick up The Blood Witch Saga. Leave a review. That’d be a great holiday gift to this author.

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helping hands

I’m sitting in my stepmother’s kitchen, sipping on some coffee and contemplating the day ahead. I have a bunch of notes to write up for the incoming caregiver and I need to get myself packed up so I can leave for the airport around 1pm, with a stop to fill up the gas tank on the rental.

Before I leave I will walk across the street to meet the neighbors who have been so very helpful to give them my gratitude. I’m thinking I’ll craft something for them once I’m home as a thank-you gift. Not sure what yet.

There is still a lot to be done, so I’m looking at another trip down, possibly in early January.

The Keurig coffee maker seems to be one of the successes of this trip, making her coffee easier now that she’s got the hang of it.

And we did get 5 days/week, 4 hours per day with an in-home caregiver set up, plus Mobile Meals delivery 5 days/week, getting coverage for all 7 days out of the mix. Someone will visit and talk with her every day of the week, except on holidays, and I don’t have to worry about her getting food and stuff regularly.

It was good to touch base with her medical support team. The only doctors I didn’t meet were the oncologist (I met the oncology surgeon and their staff) and the neurologist. I did however talk to all of them.

I recognize this is a stop-gap measure, and that we need to start looking at what comes next. I just don’t want to push her into big decisions this close to such a major trauma. If we can keep her stable through to next year, we can come together as a family to help her transition into assisted living and deal with the house and such.

Yesterday was less than stellar and my exhaustion is beginning to make itself known in a short temper and crankiness, so I think it’s good I’m headed home today. It takes some special people to deal day in and day out with Alzheimer’s patients. I am not that kind of special, at least not long term.

I am, however, grateful my father was as prepared as he was, even if there are odd gaps in that preparedness. And I am grateful for neighbors who care enough to help, friends from afar who call to check in, and all of the folks I’ve been leaning heavily on in the last weeks.

I’m looking forward to the next 3 days at home in my own space with my cats and my dog. I have housework to do and laundry and the mindless good of walking Athena.

Okay, one last cup of coffee before I get myself organized for the day. Happy Turkey day to those who celebrate. Save me a slice of pie!

Photo by Maya GM on Unsplash

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leaving on a jet plane

I’m headed back to Tucson in just over an hour. I’ll be gone for four days, coming home Thursday evening. On the agenda is a couple of doctor’s appointments with my step mother, getting her set up with in home care and dealing with some paperwork.

I’m also working three of those days, so that could be interesting.

In other news, I’ve seen the cover for the third Blood Witch book, and it is stunning like the first two! Still waiting on edits, but should have those soon enough. I’ve even managed a bit of writing this week!

I also got around to processing the pics I took when I was in Tucson last, at the procession for the Day of the Dead. You can find the whole set here.

My heart hurts to hear the news out of Colorado Springs this morning. I can not comprehend the level of hate required to walk into a crowded nightclub and open fire on a crowd of people just because they are not like you (I’m assuming here that early reports about it being a hate crime are true).

This will be the first Thanksgiving I’m not with my brother and family. Not entirely sure how I feel about that, if I’m honest. But it’s also the first holiday my step mother won’t have my father and it just feels right that I spend at least some of it with her.

On that note, I should finish my coffee, take out the trash, pack up the work computer and get dressed. Should probably eat something too. Long day will be long.

Be kind, Readers. Love with all of your heart.