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with my head in the clouds…

Why is it that the week before any vacation or big plans is longer than any other week of the year?  It’s not even all that big a deal, really.  As a Christmas gift to myself, I got myself a Disneyland season pass, so with Monday off for Martin Luther King Jr day, I’m taking my oldest niece down to LA to go play on Batuu.  But oh, my this week is taking forever.

My very first thought after the alarm went off this morning was “Oh, F**k, it’s only Wednesday.

And it isn’t like I don’t have stuff to do.  Work is…if not busy, at least there is work I can actually do something with.  Writing is proceeding, if a bit slowly.  I have a to do list a mile long for around the house.

But, my head is already on approach to Batuu.  LOL

In other news, the first book in the Shades and Shadows series was made into an audio book, but the narration is terrible and I was never consulted by the narrator, so I’m not advocating that anyone actually purchase it.  I am working with my publisher to get this fixed and hopefully we will come to an agreement that pleases us both.

In the meantime, if you have read any of my books, I would be ever so grateful for a review on Amazon / Goodreads, etc.  I have been very lax at self promotion of late, and every review helps, even if you just rate the book or leave a tiny note like “I enjoyed this book”.  Believe it or not, it really helps.

On that note, I should get back to my coffee and my day job.

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writing is therapy

I make now secret of the gastric bypass surgery I had a year ago, or how that has altered my life. It’s weird really what changes and what doesn’t.  I mean, I still love food, and would love to eat all of the food all of the time, but the difference is that I no long am physically capable of eating all the food.

I love buying clothes now, something I have always dreaded, and exercise is, by and large, enjoyable when I’m not dealing with other chronic issues.  Now that my day job has moved offices, we’re around the corner from a Planet Fitness so I can hit the gym at least a few times per week, which is great.  All my other gym options are things I have to get in my car to get to…which is okay, if you’re the kind of person who will do that when they get home from a long day at work.  I am not that kind of person.

I’m also doing some PT to fix my “wandering patella” problem, all of which means that today I am sore in new and unique places and ways.

But, a thing I had read about, but thought I wouldn’t have to battle, is the mental inability to process the images I see in the mirror.  Kind of like when someone with an eating disorder looks in the mirror and they see a hideous fat person even though they are the furthest thing from fat, when I look in the mirror, most of the time I see that same 350 pound woman I was when this whole journey started.

Don’t get me wrong, I know on some level that it isn’t true.  And, I love that 350 pound woman just as much as I love this 200 pound woman I have become.  But the cognitive dissonance is an amazing phenomena.  I sit here typing this little exploration of self and all I can see is my big fat belly, which is no where near as fat as it once was, and even though I’m wearing leggings that are XL instead of 5X, and a shirt that is 2X and big on me, I am dissatisfied.

I see my surgeon on the 29th, and I hope to have finally dropped under that 200 mark by then.  Looking further ahead, I have an Austin trip in early August, and my hope is to be at or under 175 by then.

And believe me when I tell you, Readers, all of the psychological observations coming out of this journey and all of the sense of self, even as that self is undergoing lots of changes, will find itself woven into a story at some point.  After all, writing is my therapy!

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Today’s the day!  It’s Star Wars day!  I have a ticket to see The Rise of Skywalker at 5pm tonight.  I am super excited, and also fairly anxious.  I mean, this story has been a part of my life since I was 9 years old.  It has helped to shape who I am as a story teller, as a writer.  It has helped shape me, how I look at the world around me, how I stand up for what I believe in, how I resist and rebel.

It will also be the final movie to have Carrie Fisher in it.  I’m excited to see what they have done with the footage they were able to piece together, but I know that I’m going to be a weepy, crying mess of a geek right from the start.  In fact, I tear up just thinking about it.

In other Star Wars news, there is a very talented lady in the Phillipines who creates portraits from a picture you provide, but she makes you into a Star Wars character.  I asked her to draw me as General Organa, as we first see her in The Force Awakens. This was the result:

me as leia.jpg

Isn’t it fabulous?  Her name is Danielle Balanga, and you can find her on Facebook.

With that, I should get myself back to work on the day job.  And my coffee.  Always my coffee.  I shall leave you with this, dearest Readers:

MTFBWY

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yule logs and pumpkins and the fear of 13

It’s Friday the 13th, which honestly is a day I love, and not only because I was born on one.  I’ll be honest, most superstitions strike me as odd, but they tell us a lot about who we are, or who we came from.  The roots of such superstitions can be illuminating, and they illustrate the times and lives of our ancestors.

I’ll be honest here, I often take a perverse sort of pleasure in purposely defying superstition.  I dress in black on Friday the 13ths, today replete with skulls.  I adore black cats, the only fear I have of ladders is of falling off of them.

This juxtaposition of Friday the 13th against the landslide down to Christmas is amusing, not the least because it invokes the whole Nightmare Before Christmas scenario.  I’m that person who has Halloween decorations up (for some value of decoration, I don’t do much) year round.  Right now the area in front of my TV is filled with pumpkins and witches and candles and some pine boughs…

I don’t do a lot of decorating, mostly because I hate taking it down and putting it away!  One year I had Christmas lights up until nearly July.  I save that urge for my mother’s house, where I will be going tomorrow to help her get the tree up and all that fun stuff.

I may go so far as to decorate a Yule log and burn it in my fire pit one night, we’ll see how I’m feeling about it, and if the rain lets up long enough to make it happen.  Yule is pretty low key for me generally, as a Pagan, but I do want to recognize the rebirth of the sun and the return of the daylight as we pass the solstice and the days grow longer once more.

Christmas is a secular celebration for me, a time to spend with those that love me and to give gifts that remind them of my love for them.

But for today, I’ll just wrap my arms around the day and celebrate the overcoming of fear.  I should probably also re-heat my breakfast, which has gone cold and drink some more coffee, because coffee is life!

Happy Friday, Readers!  May the 13th shower you with good things!

 

Photo by Hannah Gibbs on Unsplash

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kindness matters

I live in a fairly affluent little city in the San Francisco Bay Area’s east bay.  It’s the kind of place where we have stand alone Williams Sonoma, Nordstrom and Neiman Marcus stores, a boutique-y place that sells $60 pajama pants and $159 sweaters, more restaurants than you could sample in a month, and a certain attitude.  Lots of pedestrians, lots of good doggos that you’ll meet while you’re out walking.

Most of the time, I don’t mind.  If nothing else, it makes for good people watching.  I like posting myself up at some cafe’s outdoor table and greeting all the puppies taking their humans out for walks. I imagine stories for the grumpy old man at the corner table and the young couple holding hands as they cross the street, and the baby trying desperately to get his daddy’s attention.

However, the whole tone of things changes as Thanksgiving approaches.  There are certain stores you can’t get near.  Michael’s might as well be on Mars, with it’s very small parking lot that it shares with a Bed, Bath and Beyond.  The place where I normally get my nails done has joined that chaos.  To be fair, it shares a parking lot with a Sports Basement, two gyms, a dry cleaners, acupuncture place, a TJ Maxx, about a dozen restaurants and coffee shops, etc.  I got there around noon on Saturday and there was no parking, with as many as ten cars circling just the one section closest to the nail salon.

Sadly, it isn’t just parking lots.  The streets are full of cars bullying their way through streets, nearly taking out pedestrians, making illegal turns, laying on their horns in an obnoxious manner, etc.  The pedestrians are little better: taking up the whole sidewalk and not letting others get by them, looking at their phones and nearly knocking over others, huddling around the door to a cafe so that no one can get in or out, let alone get around them, etc.

Normally, this behavior doesn’t start until after Thanksgiving, but it came early this year.  This is why I do most of my shopping online these days.  It is also why I don’t even leave my house on Black Friday.

I use Black Friday as Pay it Forward Day.  It is when I do my end of the year giving.  This year, I intend to donate to Heifer International and probably fund a loan or two on Kiva.org. I will probably also make a donation to a local food bank or charity giving gifts to underprivileged kids.  Far better use of my time and dollars than the further commercialization of our holiday season.

Remember that a little kindness goes a long way.  When you find yourself stressed and frustrated with the people around you, be kind.  Let your small acts of kindness lift you out of your bad mood.  And you may not see it, but it will spread out from you.  This is how we change the world, Readers.

Kindness Matters!

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is this really real?

I saw someone on Facebook say that it feels like we’re living in a simulation and wow, I felt that.  Reality seems so surreal these days where you can never be sure if “news” is actually news or parody, and even the real news is so skewed to reflect whichever side the reporter/news organization is supporting.

We seem to have lost out impartial press.

At the same time, we have a government that seems to be bent of self-destruction, forgetting that if it goes, so goes the country.  I’m not going to venture into a political discussion, don’t worry.  If you’ve read my blog for long, I’m sure you know which way I lean.

I am going to encourage you to never rely on any single source of truth when it comes to understanding the reality we find ourselves living.  Truth has become subjective and the onus is upon us to dig through the interpretations to the underlying truth.

If this is a simulation, it is a sucky one.  Maybe I’ll just go play SIMs and make the world I want to see.

Happy Thursday, Readers.  I hope your sim day is a happy one.

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there will be blood

National Novel Writing Month. NaNoWrMo.  I’m pretty sure every writer I know has done it at least once.  I’ve played a few times, but never found it super productive, and so I haven’t done it in a few years.

However, a number of my Sirens sisters are doing Nano this year, and I’m hot on working on the Blood Witch novel, so I figured it would be a good way to enhance my focus to finish my zero draft by the end of the month.

If you are interested in being buddies on NaNo, I’m NatalieJCase over there.

I’m usually better writing under deadline, rather than being left to my own pace.  I tend to dawdle and procrastinate!

I’m also giving Scrivener another trial.  So far I’m meh on it, but as I build up some of the notes and such I may like it better.  I just started chapter eleven this morning!

I had forgotten how much I loved these characters.  I hope you will love them too!

With that note, I am off for more coffee and to get this work day started.  Be safe and be kind, Readers!

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reading, writing and resumes

Oops, I haven’t posted in a while!  Sorry about that.  I don’t even have a good excuse!  Life has been busy, but that’s almost always true.  So, what’s been happening?  Well, next week is Sirens is happening next week and our benefit anthology is out now!

heroes and hellions cover

Heroes and Hellions is a collection of short stories and poetry that explores what it is to be a hero and where the line blurs.

Your purchase goes to support the Sirens conference.  If you appreciate some badass speculative fiction from some badass folks you should pick it up.

In other news, I got email recently from someone who will be recording my first novel, Forever!  Audio book incoming, for all of you Readers who have been asking.

I’m hoping that I’ll be able to get back into a writing habit with the conference next week.  I think I’ve been a bit stymied because I have too many stories in my head competing for attention.

 

Aside from all of that, and bouncing between three different novels in progress, I’m still sending out resumes, looking for that company who needs me and all I have to offer.  For now, I’m slugging my way through a contract position that is not my favorite, but is paying the bills.

Speaking of which, I should get to it.  Lots of editing to do!  And my coffee is getting cold.  Happy Wednesday, Readers.  Go out and be recklessly kind!

 

Photo by João Silas on Unsplash

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nebulous nebulas and other space oddities…

I’m not going to lie, this new job is killing me.  I haven’t written more than a few words (of course, not on any of the things I have been writing, no, Brain decided that we needed more sci-fi in our writing and has offered me space!vampire!pirates…I don’t know sometimes…) and my stress level is mighty.

Still, I have a week’s vacation looming, it’s starting to feel like fall, and this time next week I’ll be somewhere in LA.  Our Wednesday isn’t fully decided, but Tuesday we’ll be at Universal Studios Hollywood, and Thursday and Friday we’ll be at Disney.  This is the second year in a row that I’ll be at a Disney property for/around my birthday.  A year ago today, I was on a plane for Paris.

I do love to travel and I am very fortunate to make enough money to support it.  I wish that money was coming from book sales, but I’ll get there one day.  In the meantime, I’ll just write when I can and keep plugging along.

I really should get to the day-job work.  I have my coffee, I’ve had breakfast, and once I get through today, it’s only two more until vacation.  Happy Wednesday, Readers.  I hope it is kind and filled with love.

 

Photo by Shot by Cerqueira on Unsplash

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new job, week 2…can I go back to Austin now?

I came back from my amazing trip to Austin to start a new job, in a new industry that I know nothing about and may well be beyond my ability to grasp.  But I’m trying.  Week 2 and I’ve already had to take a sick day because I caught a cold, but hey, I’m pretty sure that wasn’t my fault.

So here I am, learning all about financial markets and derivatives trading and crypto currency.  It’s little things that are keeping my sane right now, like these pics from Austin (it’s good to have a professional photographer follow you around, at least sometimes).

fun with an axe

Also in the happy making column are my temperature sensitive, color changing nails, the tickets to Universal Studios that I just bought (Harry Potter, we’re coming for you!) and the trip to LA that goes with those tickets.  Oh, and not to mention Disneyland, though I haven’t bought those tickets yet…soon…very soon.

I get to be in Star Wars land for my birthday!  And have a tasty adult beverage at the Cantina to celebrate!  I think that’s pretty awesome. Bonus if I can find me a Chewbacca and get a hug!

But yes, the work thing is stressful and weird and I feel a little bit like I’m back in school.  I guess it’s never a bad thing to keep learning!

While I’m thinking about it, and alone in the office, I need to make a phone call about changing a plane reservation.  And coffee.  I need coffee.

Happy Wednesday, Readers!