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the day of mothers

Mother’s Day is ostensibly meant as a day that we recognize and honor our maternal figures, the people who gave birth to us, the people who wiped our butts and fed us, the people who cared for us when we were ill or injured. But motherhood is about a lot more than that, and it is something we often just take for granted.

I have never given birth to a child, but I have mothered many, from my brother’s kids to my friend’s kids, to my friends themselves. In many ways I have a mothering nature, despite not having kids of my own. I’m the organizer in my friend groups. I’m the one to organize the road trips, to make the hotel reservations. I’m the one who will drop everything to help a friend.

Sure, I do it because it helps me manage my anxiety, but also because I enjoy it. I love to give my friends the gift of my time and effort. I love knowing that some kind gesture I made to a child is remembered long after that child has grown, or that my planning has allowed my friends to relax and not stress during a trip or vacation.

There are many people in this world who have problematic relationships with the person who gave birth to them and days like today can be hard for them. There are many people who long to be mothers but can not conceive or carry to term and today can be hard for them as well.

For all of them, I wish peace and kindness on this day.

Please be mindful when spreading Mother’s Day greetings today. Not all female presenting women are mothers or desire to be mothers. Others are hurting as another Mother’s Day passes without children.

Be Kind, Readers. And be loved.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

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technically speaking

In my day job, I write technical documentation. Well, that’s what the job description says anyway. A good chunk of what I actually do is editing, formatting and coding, and organizing information. To be fair, I get to do a decent amount of actual writing, especially when we’re getting ready to release new features.

I also spend a lot of time researching APIs, and documenting the attributes our software will be ingesting and making available (we’re a data technology company). Some weeks it feels like all I do is this part of the job.

Sometimes though, I get to wrap my hands around a nice juicy project like a complete docs redesign/reorganization. This week I am just wrapping up one of those. There is something so satisfying about pushing that Publish button at the end of something this large.

Of course, most of our users will never know the amount of work that goes into something like this, and only a few of my coworkers (mostly other writers) will get it either. But that’s okay. I don’t need recognition for these things. If I’ve done my job well, my reward comes in the form of no one reporting broken links or missing information.

I push that Publish button tomorrow on the last piece of this project tomorrow afternoon. I’ll have a little celebration on my own after, then I get to spend my weekend writing non-technical stuff again.

It’s not a bad way to live.

Photo by Luca Bravo on Unsplash

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thoughts of spring

Happy Beltane, my friends. Traditionally a holiday associated with fertility and sexuality, Beltane is a celebration of life. It marks the start of the growing season, at least here in the northern hemisphere, when we turn our attention to planting gardens and the birthing period for many animals, both of the domestic variety and the wild.

One of the things that drew me to Paganism many moons ago was this attention to natural cycles, the celebrating of the cycle of life. While I’m not a very active Pagan these days, this is still very resonant for me.

Spring really starts for me when I can get my hands into dirt, planting seeds, transplanting plants. It calls to the nurturer in me. This week I got a cherry tomato and a jalapeno pepper planted, plus did some thinning of my carrots and planted some more potatoes. It’s a small little garden, but it suits me.

I’d love to have a huge ornamental flower garden too, but as I am allergic to most flowers, I’ll have to just admire them from afar.

Today is a traditional Saturday however, which means coffee and writing, followed by housework. I hope to have good news about that poetry collection I was talking about last week soon. Until then, Readers, I hope your life is incalescent (today’s word of the day on my Facebook post…it means increasing in ardor or heat).

Photo by Sergey Shmidt on Unsplash

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what we need

This week has seen the end of a murder trial for a former police officer who killed a man while on duty. The very idea that the verdict was in doubt when the whole world watched it happen is maddening. It is an indictment of the very large power discrepancy that exists in our culture.

The problem is, like so many other things, that the issues are all interconnected and we can not address one without addressing the others.

Our police need better training in de-escalation and how to handle people who have mental health issues, drug addiction and other non-lethal problems. Our police need training in deploying less lethal means before reaching for their guns. Our police need psychological evaluation, not just before hiring, but during their entire career. Body cameras must be demanded for all police and they must be controlled, not by the individual, but by a central command.

We need more community support. More social workers, more counselors, more mental health options. We need more available healthcare and better jobs for the millions of people who can’t find that right now. We need response teams that take the lead when the situation involves kids, people with mental health issues or learning disabilities, rather than sending armed people who will almost always aggravate the situation. We need a better way to handle traffic stops.

We need better education at all levels. We need schools that are safe and don’t need armed cops in them. We need all schools to be funded at the same level. We need logical, effective and common-sense gun control that includes the ban of assault style weapons, any weapon that can shoot rapid-fire, automatic or near automatic rounds, licensing for all gun owners that must be renewed every 5 years (at minimum), and insurance requirements for those guns.

Weapons of war should not be in the hands of civilians. And yes, I realize that criminals will be criminals, but here’s the thing: if the guns aren’t manufactured or sold, even the criminals will have a harder time getting them. Include gun buy-back programs, limit the amount of ammo any one person can purchase at a time or have on hand and eventually the number of guns in the hands of criminals will diminish.

And yes, I would include that we need to make birth control easy to get and free, and we need to allow women to terminate an unwanted pregnancy, because poverty is a factor in both criminality and in mental health, and one of the issues at the forefront of policy is the cost of an unwanted pregnancy and the way having a child you can not afford will anchor you to that poverty.

Not a one of these things is a stand alone issue. They are all interconnected, each affecting the others. Until we recognize that, along with our systemic racism, inherent misogyny, and the fear of the “other” we won’t solve any of these issues.

We need comprehensive change in this country, an ambitious plan that is as interconnected as our issues are. It seems that as soon as we have some hope in our control of a virus, we are once again confronted by all of these things that seemed to fade into the background while our focus was on that battle.

The time is now. The fight is here.

That’s all for now, Readers. I hope your Thursday is wonderful.

Photo by Jéan Béller on Unsplash

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cancel this

Let’s talk about “cancel culture” for a minute. I got to thinking about this the other day, and how folks are up in arms about the idea of “cancel culture”. I mean, what do those words actually mean?

I always thought that canceling something that is a waste of time or money was the right thing to do. Got a subscription to a magazine you never get around to reading? Cancel it. Moving and your new place doesn’t use the same utility companies? Cancel them.

Canceling something that no longer serves you is a good thing.

Let me say that again, canceling what no longer serves you is a good thing.

That celebrity espouses views you find harmful? Stop following them. That politician proves they don’t even hold to their own standards of behavior? Stop supporting them.

That doesn’t make you dismissive. It means that you know the value of your own time and money. It means that you expect those you elect to represent you actually do the job you elected them to do.

Yeah, I struggle sometimes in dividing someone’s behavior or beliefs from the work that they do. When it is heinous enough behavior or expression of beliefs that I feel hurt people, I will choose to no longer give them money. Is that canceling them? Or is it moving my money toward those who do not denigrate others?

And if you decide that it is canceling, then explain to me why that is a bad thing?

We’ve been doing the same thing as long as we’ve been on the earth. Why is it suddenly something to complain about? We each have to decide what is good for us, what we believe and what we support. We each get to decide where and how we spend our money.

Personally, I believe that cancelling something before it begins to weigh you down is one of the healthiest behaviors we can do as adults. Cut it off, cast it aside and keep going, unencumbered by that which no longer serves you.

As always, your mileage may vary, but don’t be afraid to leave that baggage at the baggage claim and get to motoring.

Now coffee and some migraine meds are on deck. And kitty cuddling. You have a great Friday, Readers!

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cognitive dissonance

As someone who was at one time an Evangelical Christian, my relationship with Easter is, at best, problematic. At one time in my life, I considered this to be the most sacred of holy days. Today, it represents all that I came to despise about Christianity.

Unlike Christmas, which I can sink into as a family holiday, a secular celebration of the ones I love, I can not reconcile a secular Easter. Sure, here in the US, Easter is at least as much about candy and bunnies and such as it is about the resurrection of Christ, and there are a fair number of Pagan roots behind some of it, but somehow I have never been able to divorce the Christian understanding of the death and resurrection of their Savior from the fertility rites of spring.

There’s a lot of bad theology, along with some basic premises of Christianity, at play in my feelings. The brand of Christianity I walked away from was a bit fringe and very devoted to the idea that human beings, at their very core, are dirty, filthy, something to be denied the right to present themselves to the supposedly loving god who created them without painting themselves in the blood of another.

The cognitive dissonance that comes with marrying this idea to the idea of a loving god was what I think eventually broke through the programming and freed me up to really study the theology and religion as well as freeing my heart to actually find love.

I’m not going to go into details here. If you’re really interested you could visit my other blog and dig through old posts where I was processing out what I believe and what I really don’t believe. I haven’t posted over there in a long time though. Happy Spelunking!

Because of the way we pick the date of Easter, I often forget about it until I sign into Facebook and see a bunch of posts about it. Some years this has sent me spiraling through a bunch of not great emotional debris and internal dialog. This year seems to be less a spiral and more like a blip of “oh, hey, yeah…that was a thing” feeling. Maybe it’s the amount of introspection this year has involved.

Or maybe I’m outgrowing the trauma. And yes, I liken that theology to trauma.

Anyway, all of that to say, if you celebrate the return of spring or the return of your god, or just that it’s Sunday, I hope your celebration is fulfilling and filled with life and kindness.

Photo by Anthony DELANOIX on Unsplash

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I see you

Today is Transgender Visibility Day. For those who are not surrounded by the diversity of humanity, this may seem trivial. Some may even be offended by the recognition given to those that they consider wrong or broken or defective.

The truth is, someone you know is likely either hiding who they are or “passing” and you don’t have a clue. How do I know this? Well, because as we move closer to acceptance of people as they are, and safety in numbers begins to make folks feel safer, more and more are feeling comfortable enough to say that they are trans or non-binary.

In the last year alone I have had at least five people that I know say that they were non-binary and more than a few who came out as transgender.

Still, there continue to be an inordinate amount of violent deaths involving transgender people. According to the Human Rights Campaign, at least 12 transgender people have been killed in 2021.

I have family who is transgendered and non-binary. I have close friends I consider family who are transgender and non-binary. I encounter people daily who are one or the other. Well, not so much right now seeing as I’m not leaving my house daily.

So, what do you need to know about these folks?

  1. They’re just people. They aren’t sick. They aren’t deranged. Just folks going through life the best they can.
  2. It’s none of your business what is or isn’t between their legs. Even if you’re sharing a bathroom with them.
  3. They don’t have to “pass” for their identity to be valid. A non-binary person does not owe you androgyny. A transwoman does not owe you perfect beauty (whatever that is). A transman does not owe you top surgery or binding of his breasts.
  4. When in doubt about someone’s identity, use they/them pronouns. It’s a perfectly acceptable non-gendered way of speaking about someone. Yes, even a singular person. We’ve been using a singular they in English for centuries in certain contexts.
  5. Just be kind. Let them be who they are. Don’t try to force them into some pre-conceived notion of who you think they should be. Let them pee in peace. Let them play sports.

To all of you who identify somewhere on the gender spectrum that is not either of the cardinal points: I see you. I love you. You are safe with me.

And now I’m off to the day job…right after I finish my coffee. Love to you, Readers!

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thinky thoughts Thursday

I have had a number of thinky thoughts swirling in my head this week, ranging from ideas about gardening as a metaphor for living to notions about gun control, the medical industry, the fact that medicine IS an industry, the right to live, transgender children and so much more.

None of them have tumbled out whole yet though, so maybe I’ll just swirl them around a bit more.

While I do that, lets do a little navel gazing, shall we?

As an author, I like to pay attention to things being said in the world of books, from buzz about new or upcoming releases, new authors making their debut, books that are “banned” or panned or otherwise talked about.

And, as a fairly liberal minded soul seeking genuine equality/equity, but also understanding that we continue to evolve as a society, I am open to reinterpreting old ways to eliminate or preface things that we now see as troubling or problematic.

So, I support Disney prefacing movies with notes about the climate in which they were created, and not letting children just consume a movie that might have problematic content without engaging parents in the conversation.

And I support a publisher’s decision to pull books from publication due to problematic/racist depictions, even if the author is much beloved. As we have seen a lot in recent years, even people who we adore are not perfect.

So, it is with Dr. Seuss. He wasn’t the perfect children’s author we want him to be. He was a man of his times, and those times and his beliefs colored the work he did. The books that his estate has chosen to stop publishing are still available, if you can find them. They never were big hits, so I imagine even before they stopped producing them they were not easy to locate.

We do have to face the dilemma of what to do with problem people when we love their work, but can not abide something about them. How do you separate the love of all things Harry Potter and the anti-trans stance of the author? How do you continue to hold on to the love of Buffy the Vampire Slayer when you discover that the creator is an abusive asshole? How do you hold onto childhood memories with affection when you discover that Dr. Seuss, Laura Ingalls Wilder and others were racist?

I guess that’s something we each have to decide for ourselves.

Photo by Juan Rumimpunu on Unsplash

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injecting a little hope

This morning at 8:30 I will be getting a little shot in the arm. It will be my first dose of the covid vaccine. I’ll be honest, if I let myself, I have a little hope blooming inside me that I might actually be able to travel this year.

My current plans are still out a ways, in August and October, which is part of why I’m starting to believe they might actually happen. If we keep vaccinating at our current pace, we might be at a point where I feel safe enough to travel by the August date.

That trip is a small group of people, which makes it feel even safer, especially if I know everyone has gotten their vaccines. Likewise, my plans in early October involve a very small group, a house near a beach and a lot of quiet.

But later in October is Sirens. I had a lot of concerns when I first went to Sirens, and I was surprised how quickly those folks became important people in my life. I’m starting to let myself hope that we will make it this year, and I am so looking forward to hugging some folks.

When this agoraphobic introvert who isn’t big on being touched wants hugs, you know it’s been a while since hugging was a thing we could do.

Happy Thursday, Readers. Keep your masks on and get your vaccine when you can.

Photo by Sara Kurfeß on Unsplash

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what is remembered…

Back in the before times, when we could gather in mass to appreciate things we love, I went to a Stargate convention in Vancouver, BC and got to meet a number of wonderful folks involved in the show and make some amazing memories.

One of the highlights of that weekend was my photo op with the “System Lords”.

System Lords in hats

We had a lot of fun getting this pic, from choosing hats and goofing around. They were all wonderful and I thoroughly enjoyed meeting them.

Stargate is one of those shows that has seen me through a lot of changes, has brought new friends into my life, and it is a world I revisit in a rewatch every few years. Seeing these people interact at the convention, I got the sense that they are all good friends who like to hang out together and love one another.

It was through Suanne Braun’s twitter account this week that I learned that Cliff Simon, the striking fella on the far right, who played Baal, died in a kiteboarding accident. It had the same kind of punch as learning that Kevin Smith (Ares in Xena) had died unexpectedly. Neither of them were someone I spent a lot of time thinking about, but they were also a part of a show that was important to me.

Fortunately for those of us who remain on this mortal coil, we have their body of work to keep their memory warm. And what is remembered, lives on.

Peace to the family and friends that Mr. Simon leaves behind.