Tag: observations

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the joys of being a growed up person

For a lot of years, I worked for a company that shut down for the week between Christmas and New Year’s. Then there was enough PTO available in my next jobs that I could take it off. This year, I opted to not take the time off, even though I could.

It’s always an odd week. Half the company is off on vacation, which means there are no meetings. The normal cadence of the week is off. But, that also means more time to get work done.

However, I find myself more easily distracted by random things. I head to the kitchen to get a drink and end up cleaning off a counter. I go to the bathroom to take care of business and end up rounding up towels for the laundry. Go out to get the mail and end up playing with the dog.

It doesn’t help that the weather has us cooped up in the house. It’s been wet and rainy for days. Poor Athena doesn’t understand why we haven’t been to the park, but she gets so dirty! And bathing her is a chore and a half.

I’ll be heading back to Arizona for a few days in a couple of weeks, to accompany my stepmother to a few appointments. Haven’t decided how I’m getting there just yet, with the current state of air travel.

I need to go out today to get the car smog tested so I can finish the registration stuff, and I need a few groceries besides.

I’d rather curl up on the couch with a book and a cuppa.

Ah well, the joys of being a growed up.

Photo by Ismi Fitri Hodijah on Unsplash

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season’s greetings and all that jazz

This holiday season has not felt particularly joyous. It’s taken me most of the month to muster up any amount of holiday spirit. My Yule consisted of lighting a single candle and staring at it for most of an hour. My Christmas Eve was essentially my annual watching of Die Hard and then crawling into bed.

I didn’t sleep well, in part because I did something to aggravate my back injury and in part because I could NOT shut my brain off.

While Christmas is not a religious holiday for me, it is a day to be spent with family, and sure enough, I’ll be headed over to my brother’s place later today for presents and food. I promised my stepmother I’d call when I got over there so everyone can say Merry Christmas. She’ll be spending the day with friends.

I can remember a time when I went all out for Christmas, particularly when the girls were small. I decorated the whole house and I bought extravagant gifts. I cooked and baked and took great pleasure in gifting people treats from my kitchen.

Maybe I’ll find my way back there someday, but for today, I just want to be with the ones I love, cuddle some puppies and enjoy being alive.

Whatever you celebrate, I hope today is filled with love and happiness, Readers. Be kind to yourself and those around you.

Photo by Rodion Kutsaiev on Unsplash

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finding my happy place

It’s been a hell of a year. I’ve struggled, I’ve persevered, I’ve almost given up. I’ve had my feet knocked out from under me, I’ve accomplished some amazing things, I’ve lost people I loved.

While I have worked at keeping my head up and my eyes on the horizon, it hasn’t been easy, and that’s saying something coming off of two years of lockdown. One of the great joys of my life has been denied to me through the pandemic, the joy of live music and photography.

I’ve been to a few gigs, but not nearly as many as I usually attend in a year, even if you add up all of 2020, 2021, and 2022!

So, it gives me great pleasure (and great anxiety) to be heading off to Nashville today to see the band Radio Company perform in their first public gig.

The show is tomorrow night, and I’m boarding a plane tonight at around 11:15pm, hopefully, to sleep my way across the country. With a brief layover in DC, I’ll arrive in Nashville somewhere around 10am, get an Uber to the hotel, and see if I can manage an early check-in.

I’m mostly solo this trip, though I know a few of the folks who will be at the gig. This is something that’s added to my anxiety. I don’t have my usual friend bubble to protect me when things get…tight. I do, however, have Xanax, so I should be okay.

I’m mostly packed, other than clothes, because I’m still deciding on clothes. I’m leaning toward a dress, boots, and stylish hat. Since I’m turning around and flying home on Tuesday afternoon, so I don’t need to bring much more, as I can wear the same clothes I travel to Nashville home from Nashville.

I have a little time to do some wandering around and souvenir/Christmas shop, but not a lot.

I’m just hoping to disconnect myself from the stress and emotional turmoil of the year and immerse myself in music and doing what I love.

I hope y’all have some fun planned for yourself during this season of much ado. And I hope your holidays are marvelous, dearest Readers.

Photo by Magnus Lunay on Unsplash

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leaving on a jet plane

I’m headed back to Tucson in just over an hour. I’ll be gone for four days, coming home Thursday evening. On the agenda is a couple of doctor’s appointments with my step mother, getting her set up with in home care and dealing with some paperwork.

I’m also working three of those days, so that could be interesting.

In other news, I’ve seen the cover for the third Blood Witch book, and it is stunning like the first two! Still waiting on edits, but should have those soon enough. I’ve even managed a bit of writing this week!

I also got around to processing the pics I took when I was in Tucson last, at the procession for the Day of the Dead. You can find the whole set here.

My heart hurts to hear the news out of Colorado Springs this morning. I can not comprehend the level of hate required to walk into a crowded nightclub and open fire on a crowd of people just because they are not like you (I’m assuming here that early reports about it being a hate crime are true).

This will be the first Thanksgiving I’m not with my brother and family. Not entirely sure how I feel about that, if I’m honest. But it’s also the first holiday my step mother won’t have my father and it just feels right that I spend at least some of it with her.

On that note, I should finish my coffee, take out the trash, pack up the work computer and get dressed. Should probably eat something too. Long day will be long.

Be kind, Readers. Love with all of your heart.

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finding the new normal

Wow, I didn’t mean to go AWOL on y’all. The last few weeks have been crazy busy and filled with the kind of things no one wants to have to deal with. From my father’s death on the 17th of October through his Celebration of Life and on into figuring out what comes next, my mind has been occupied with all the steps I needed to take to help my stepmother and sort out the things my father left behind.

It’s strange, how much work it takes to wrap up a life, even one who was as meticulous about things as my father was. He set up a living trust, had reams of paperwork on his estate planning, yet there were a lot of weird things we need to sort.

One of those is their credit cards. Every single one is in both of their names, but only his SSN is associated, thus as soon as we report his death, my stepmother ends up without them and has to apply for her own, but because she really doesn’t have a large credit history, that ends up being less easy than it should be.

He left no *will* that spells out what to do with the little things, even though the living trust has room for that, and his only life insurance policy that we could find was for $1000.

Complicating matters is the fact that they live in Tucson, and I’m in California, as well as my stepmother’s advancing dementia. She recently got very, very lost, to the tune of 3 hours away from home, and I’m not sure what would have happened if I hadn’t called her while she was trying to get home.

So, I am headed back to Tucson in a week, hopefully to get her set up with some in-home health care, some meal delivery, and start the conversation about a more permanent solution. With any luck, that gets us safely through the end of the year, and we can start considering what comes next.

Whatever normal is, this isn’t it.

Hopefully, I’m on the right road to find it. Happy Monday, Readers! Be kind, be gracious and love one another (and while you’re at it make a will, add beneficiaries to your accounts, let your wishes be known).

Photo by Perfectus Photography & Design Co. on Unsplash

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family reunion of sorts

I’m in Tucson, Arizona for the weekend, visiting my father and his wife while my Uncle Paul, Aunt Agnes, Aunt Sue and cousin Zoe are also in town. I haven’t seen my aunts and uncle in at least twenty years.

There have been a lot of changes in my life since then, and theirs too. Yet it was surprising to find the dynamic has stayed the same as I remember it. I see a lot of the way my brother and I interact watching the three siblings.

It’s a strange thing seeing your elders as an adult, watching them change, age and struggle with illness. Both Dad and his wife have had cancer diagnoses in the last twelve months and they seem frailer than I ever remember. Yet, there’s humor. There’s joy. There’s the snarky family love I remember from my childhood.

It was also good to spend last yesterday evening with my very good friend, Lisa who I don’t get to see nearly enough. We just hung out, walked the puppy and talked for hours. It was great.

In puppy news, Athena is being a champ with this road trip. She played hard at the dog park yesterday and today. I was originally planning to stay through Monday, but I’m thinking that I’ll leave tomorrow afternoon, get a hotel in the LA area tomorrow night and finish the drive on Monday because that 14 hour drive is crazy making.

Right now, we’re hanging out at the hotel, drinking coffee and doing some edit work before heading over to Dad’s place later today. I hope this weekend is treating you well, Readers!

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life in my world

Hey, Readers! Happy Saturday! I hope life is treating you well. I feel like a chew toy, but I guess that’s what happens when you bring a new puppy into your life. She’s been here a week and I’m a mess of scratches and bruises from playing with her.

Meet Athena

This is Athena! She’s a Pyrenees and Australian shepherd mix and just about 4 months old. She’s a bit timid but is starting to come out of her shell. So far she’s afraid of the stairs and walking on a leash, desperately wants the cats to be her friends (they are not so interested), and is learning sit and stay.

She’s had her first vet visit (she was terrified, but did very well) and went to my mother’s house to meet the family and their pets.

Needless to say, I’m completely in love with her!

Just got her settled down after morning playtime, so it’s editing/writing time. I’m deep into edits on Hêalic (The Blood Witch Saga Book 3) and have found what was missing in the plot for book 4 (as yet unnamed).

That’s all for now, Readers! Go out and initiate some kindness today!

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covid sucks

A week ago, several days after returning from Star Wars Celebration, I tested positive for Covid. I’m still not fully well.

I was sick for days before testing positive. There were four negative tests before the positive one. The first few days I felt like I was coming down with a cold. My temperature never went above 99.8, but I was very congested and felt like I could fall asleep at the drop of a hat.

Friday night, after having a miserable day, I tested positive. I still felt like I had a bad cold, with the added fatigue. I had a sore throat, ear aches, and nasal congestion. It seemed like each day a new symptom came up. I slept a lot. On Wednesday, the headache arrived…and it hasn’t left. That’s when the cough started up too. It has not been a bad cough, and I’m only breathless if I do stuff like climb the stairs.

I think Thursday was the worst day for it, and I ended up sleeping or laying down a good chunk of the day.

Now, mind you, I have had both vaccines and two boosters, and I wore my mask pretty much any time I was inside in public unless I was eating or having my picture taken.

I can’t imagine how bad this would be if I wasn’t vaccinated. With my comorbidities, I’d likely be in the hospital.

I’m planning on taking today easy, though I need to do laundry, with the hope that tomorrow I’ll be in better shape.

Photo by Medakit Ltd on Unsplash

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on war, religion, and faith

I am not a religious person. What I believe doesn’t fit into neat little boxes, or for that matter, a church pew. I am, however, a student of religion because religion shapes our world.

Notice I say religion, not faith. The two can be mutually exclusive. Religion seeks to subjugate, control. Faith is freedom, or it can be. I guess it depends on where you put your faith.

Today, three of the biggest religions are celebrating holy days. I know people of all three religions, all three faiths. They live their faith daily. It is part of who they are and their faith is beautiful. Their religions? Not so much, in my opinion.

Why is that? I think it’s because faith is an individual thing. It lives in a person’s heart. Religion, on the other hand, is a man-made expression of what a group of men said they believed thousands of years ago, modified and codified and made rigid by human beings who maybe started with the best of intentions, then discovered the money and power available to them through the enforcing of said religion.

I don’t begrudge anyone their faith. Believe what is in your heart to believe. I have no desire to stop you.

So, where does the war part come in?

It’s no secret that religion has been used to justify war for centuries and it continues today. Right here in the US there is a concerted religious war on LGBTQ+ folks, on a woman’s right to control her body and on critical thinking. Around the world, religious groups attack other religious groups as they have done since the beginning of time.

And perhaps most jarring to me at this moment in time is the time and money that will be spent in religious celebration while men, women, and children are under siege by a megalomaniac. Not that I expect us all to sit and wring our hands all day every day over what is happening in Ukraine, not at all.

However, it might be nice if those religious leaders would stop praising the megalomaniac, and lead their congregations in support of those fleeing the violence.

Happy Easter/Passover/Ramadan, if you celebrate, Readers. Please keep Ukraine in your thoughts and remember that Kindness Matters.

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a reminder that freedom isn’t free

In the last two years, we’ve heard a lot of people yelling about their freedom and comparing masks and vaccines to nazi Germany. This week, we have had a glaring example of how absurd that actually is.

While the US and Canada are mired under protests about mandates designed to protect the public health, Ukrainians have had to step up to fight for their actual freedom…the freedom to live under their democratically elected government. They have been forced to flee or take up arms against a country so much larger than their own who seems intent on annihilating them.

I see people in the US declaring that this is why we need AK rifles to be available to everyone, completely missing the fact that a) we aren’t at war and b) we are not imminently under the threat of invasion. The Ukrainian government armed its people to defend themselves against Russia.

Automatic weapons have no place outside of war. They have no purpose other than to kill.

We are watching a nation stand up and fight back under nearly hopeless odds. The ingenuity and strength of the Ukrainian people are an inspiration. And still, here at home, we have people whining that being told to put a piece of cloth over their face to protect others is a violation of their “freedom”…and many of them are the same people who are saying that they would defend their neighbors with their guns if the need arose.

And they can not see the irony there.

Freedom isn’t free. It is predicated on a number of principles, including the idea that we must protect our citizens, even from ourselves, especially in a time of crisis.

I hear that the Ukrainians are open to volunteer militias coming to aid them. Maybe some of our right-wing militias should head over, prove they’re actually willing to do the work of defending the freedom that they keep declaring. But, if you’re going, make sure you’re not carrying a deadly virus with you so you don’t kill those you are there to defend.

Meanwhile, I’ll keep my mask on in public to protect those here at home from the same.

I hope your Sunday is filled with kindness and joy, dearest Readers, and that peace comes sooner, rather than later.

Photo by Eugene on Unsplash